The Now or Never Kind

Stifling my laughter behind my hand, I slipped out of the hotel room only to have Danny fling the door shut after us and chase me down the hall. He caught me at the elevator and refused to let me out of his grip. “I have to press the button!” I protested with a laugh, stretching and straining against his strong arms towards the circle on the wall to call the elevator.

“How do I know you won’t run away again?” he teased, pulling me back.

I narrowed my eyes at his grin. “You were going to spray me with Old Spice! I don’t want to smell manly!”

“I can tell. Guys don’t generally smell like chocolate and peppermint. Not straight ones anyway.” I pushed his shoulder, and Danny pouted, loosing his grip just enough for me to push the button. I beamed toothily. He kissed my temple and let me go. “You smell nice.”

I ran my fingers through his damp hair, smiling. “Thank you. You smell nautical.” Danny laughed, and we straightened our expressions as a couple emerged from their room and headed towards us.

The woman wore a crisp, lemon-meringue-coloured skirt-suit with hair that added six inches to her height and must’ve taken half a can of hairspray every morning. She was complaining to her husband, dressed in khakis with a sensible (boring) belt and a polo tucked into them. Gold crosses hung around their necks, and I covertly tucked my ankh into my collar as they stopped beside us.

“Can’t you complain to the management?” she begged, batting big blue eyes at her husband. “Neither of us got any sleep.”

“Their recompense will come from the Lord, sweetie,” he replied reasonably, raking a hand through his hair. I widened my eyes at Danny and gripped his hand tightly as we entered the elevator, standing behind them as they talked. “Sex before marriage is a serious transgression, and they will not escape.”

Danny and I cracked up simultaneously, but tried to cover it with coughs. It wasn’t that I hated conservative Christianity. I just found it incredibly easy to laugh at. “They can’t have been joined in holy matrimony, could they?” the woman said, voice rife with scorn. “All that banging the bed into the wall all night and hollering. Such language! Disgusting!”

My eyes traversed slowly from the numbers above the door to find the tiny grin on Danny’s lips. I felt myself blushing and nudged him. He looked over innocently and smiled. I rolled my eyes and prayed for the elevator to go faster.

Breakfast, please!

“And then again this morning!” the man exclaimed, outraged. “Have they never heard of temperance? I wish I could meet them to bring them over to the Light and show them that fornication is not smiled upon, even in these heathen times.”

Annoyed, I drew my necklace out of my shirt and began playing with the pendant. Danny only smirked, and we finally reached the bottom floor. We went left towards the dining area while the couple headed right, towards the front lobby.

“Actually,” I said brightly, slipping my hand onto his arm. The couple turned. I smiled. “We prefer the term ‘living in sin’.” Their faces reddened, jaws slackening, and I turned and walked Danny, trying not to kill himself laughing, away from the scene.

“You are,” he declared, still laughing as we got food, “A terrible, terrible person.”

“I don’t mock them for their beliefs,” I said simply. “I just think some things that people believe are really fucking weird.”

After filling up our plates, we wandered over to the table where Matt was alternating between eating and staring off into space. I sat down, but Danny remained standing. “I need coffee,” he declared. “Want anything?” I shook my head, having already retrieved myself a glass of juice, and he planted a kiss on my head before walking away.

“So,” Matt prompted suddenly. I looked up from my plate to find him gazing at me expectantly, expression devoid of his former musing. “You and Danny, huh?”

I rolled my eyes slightly. “You’re smart enough to have already figured it out,” I said, picking up my English muffin.

“Well, the noises from a separate room down the hall were a hint.” My eyes widened at him in horror, and he chuckled. “Relax, I was wandering around at 1am when I couldn’t sleep. Besides, everyone else assumes you’ve been fooling around for weeks.” Lovely, I grumbled in my head. Matt’s green eyes turned more sombre. “You know what you’re doing?”

I smiled ruefully. “When do I ever?” I countered with only a touch of romanticism. He grinned pointedly. “…I was being whimsical, shut up.”

“I just don’t want you to get back on the horse too soon after being kicked in the ribs.”

“Riding metaphor. You’ve been spending time with Beth again.” Chewing, Matt gave me an older-brotherly look. I leaned my chin into my hand and glanced off to where Danny was waiting behind someone in line. “I’m not going to say I love him—much too soon to tell—but… he’s good. I like being around him. I like… him.”

Matt studied my face for a few seconds. “You liked Ryan to begin with, too,” he observed quietly.

A wrinkle furrowed my brows together. “Maybe I’m misremembering, but I don’t think I did,” I admitted, just as softly. “He went from glorified rock star to tourmate to crush to lover. I’m not sure he was ever just a person.”

“Maybe.” I glanced over at Danny again. He was filling up a mug. He was undeniably a real person. “But you are moving on? Like, legitimately?”

I sighed and sipped my juice, letting my eyes go unfocused. “You can talk to yourself forever about how much people hurt you or how deeply you miss them,” I said, ruminating on the words. “It's only two verses of the same tune.”

When I eventually blinked and came back to reality, Matt was staring at me again. “You know, somebody asked me to explain you once,” he said, voice light and casual. “And I couldn’t think of anything. But now I think you’re kind of like this series of concentric walls, and there’s only one door in each wall, and you have to have the right password or something to go further.

“Now most people,” he said, drawing a circle on the table with his index finger, “Get one or two rings in, and they’re content in thinking there isn’t another door. Closer friends find the next door and muscle their way in, but only if you want them to—people like Wentz or Beckett, they know there’s more doors, so they keep trying. Then there’s people like Beth and Didi and Sean and Jesse and Aromi, who are clever and loved enough to figure you out.”

“What about you?” I challenged, fascinated by his convoluted metaphor.

Matt quirked a smile. “You crack open the next door sometimes and let me squeeze in. I know shit about you that I don’t think even Ryan knew.” I nodded thoughtfully, considering it was probably true. “Him, you opened doors for and dragged in past the rest of us. But he’s an idiot and made you throw him back through every one.”

I sighed, then laughed wearily, thinking about how Danny fit into this. “Apparently after that, I fixed all the doors and tried to deadbolt them, but Danny’s just kind of kicking them in.”

“What am I kicking?” Danny asked, joining us at the table with his coffee and a confused expression.

“Ass and taking names,” I covered easily.

“Metaphorical doors of Penelope’s personal space,” Matt explained flippantly, ignoring my fib. “But it doesn't matter cause I doubt she's keeping anything closed for you.” I felt the blood drain out of my face and his nonchalance was betrayed by the wicked grin in my direction.

“Stronzo fottuto!” Matt only cackled.

Danny turned to me with wide, surprised eyes. “You told him? Why’d you tell him!”

I looked at him helplessly. “He, uh… figured it out. Last night.”

His expression dropped. “Oh.” He cleared his throat, glanced at Matt—who was still smirking—and quickly filled his mouth with muffin.

Matt seemed even more delighted by this reaction and laughed again. “You guys are hilarious.”

“Discomfiture at the announcement of auscultated coital modulation is not jocular, Matthew,” I argued in my best serious voice.

Danny shot me a mildly bewildered look. “What?”

“She said that’s not funny.”

“Oh.” He chuckled. “I dunno if I can handle you using big words in the morning. Do you come with a dictionary? Maybe a translator?”

“She only does it when she’s anxious,” Matt observed, still grinning at me. “Or annoyed. Or wants to confuse and or piss off the person she’s talking to.”

“Thank you, Matt,” I hissed, “That’s quite enough.”

“Non guaio, principessa.”

I rolled my eyes over to Danny. “Will you please hit him? I don’t think I’m allowed to.”

He laughed. “Once I finish eating,” he said. “Maybe by then I’ll know what the fuck’s going on.”

There are a few cities that I love above the others. Absolutely adore. New York is one of them. It sits just below Chicago on my list, which sits a step or so below my own hometown. Usually we have a day off to hang out and explore the city before or after our show, but since we were headed upstate the next day, we had to make the most of it.

“Alzavi adesso, tesori! Devo comprarvi vestiti carini!” Aromi exclaimed, bounding into the girls’ room.

That roughly translated to “Get up, bitches! I’m buying you cute shit!” Only it was my manager, so with less swearing and more adulation.

I’d hoped to have a nice relaxing day to amp up for the show, but apparently that wasn’t in the cards. When Aromi gets the urge to shop, there is no standing in his way. Not that Beth or Didi helped, or even protested in any way. In fact, they were quite akin to the idea.

That was how I came to be standing outside the dressing room in a very “In” clothing store. I don’t know what made it In, but there certainly were a lot of rich hipsters milling around.

“Angie?”

As well as my ex-boyfriend’s band mate.

I blinked a few times at Brendon, who made his way around the racks of mismatched flannel shirts to give me a hug. “Hey, Bren,” I greeted, a little confused. The hug was tight. I grinned uncertainly when he beamed at me. “Miss me?”

“Hell yeah,” he said. “Haven’t heard from you in months.”

“Well, tour,” I excused with a shrug. “And you’re recording, aren’t you? Aren’t you supposed to be in the woods out West somewhere?”

Brendon laughed. “Yeah, we’re taking a break. Gotta party!”

“Oh, hey!” Out of the unisex dressing stalls appeared Jon Walker, who also hugged me. “What’re you doing here?”

“Being Beth’s and Aromi’s and Didi’s boyfriend.” I held up my armload of purses and jackets. “Aero’s making me buy a dress for the show tonight.”

Both Brendon and Jon had gone quiet and exchanged looks when the word ‘boyfriend’ entered the conversation. It took me a second to realise why. “So, are you guys busy?” I asked, bulldozing onward. “You should come to the show.”And not bring your guitarist.

“I think we’ve got plans,” Brendon said, looking around the store. Was it just them shopping here or had I gotten lucky?

“We’ll be at Angels & Kings later though,” Jon announced. “Pete’s having some thing. Maybe he can pull some strings and get you in.”

“No need.” They tilted their heads at me and I smiled coyly. “Birthday present from All Time Low.”

“Nice!” Brendon grinned, almost bouncing with energy.

I chuckled, watching him. Didi called my name from behind a curtain, saying she needed me to zip her up. I smiled at the guys. “Duty calls. I’ll catch you guys later.”

They wandered off and I went to help Didi with her dress, which (of course) looked fabulous on her. Beth appeared at my side with a raised eyebrow. “You have no sense of self-preservation, do you?”

“Who were you talking?” Didi asked, ignoring herself in the mirror.

“Some friends I thought I lost in the break-up,” I explained to her before turning to Beth. “And no. None whatsoever.” I shrugged. “But they’re not coming to the show, so who cares? It’s not like I can’t lose them at A&K.”

Beth and I stepped back and let Didi close the curtain to change. “You do remember who we’re on tour with, right?” she laughed. “You mention going to a bar and the Audizzle will be all over that.”

I paused before sighing. “Goddammit, I forgot about them.”

“Not likely,” Beth corrected, patting my shoulder.

I glared half-heartedly at her before going to wander around the store. Aromi was still searching through every single dress they had when I stopped beside him. Without missing a beat, he said, “Walker and Urie are here.”

“I know. Ran into them at the dressing room.”

“They coming tonight?”

“Nope, but Pete’s throwing a party at the club. I think we should make an appearance.”

Aero turned to me, surprised. “I thought you never wanted to set foot in there again because it makes you make terrible decisions,” he quoted at me.

I shrugged my shoulders. “Haven’t seen the Wentz in forever.” I skimmed over the dresses in front of us, and after a moment, pulled a very short, very low-cut red number. “I’m gonna try this on.”

Aromi laughed. “I knew I’d corrupt your wardrobe eventually.”

“Slowly since I was 15, darling.”