The Now or Never Kind

The end of tour actually came faster once I stopped dreading it and started savouring each moment I had with the crazy motherfuckers around me. It had mixed feelings about this since, while I was happy that we’d finished out another awesome tour with awesome people, said awesome people were leaving. And I felt something for one of those awesome people.

Either I was getting better at decompartmentalising the different hats I wore—frontwoman, friend, band mate, tour mate, et cetera— or I’d gotten to the point where Danny required such an overlap that it didn’t matter. When we guest-sang during each other’s sets, we bantered as much and as congenially as any of my band. True, the sexual innuendo had a sub-level that the audience wasn’t aware of, but it entertained everyone well enough.

Also entertaining everyone, or at least the people who managed to catch them, were when we shot videos to post on YouTube. A lot of our downtime was devoted to making—or at least thinking about making—three or four minute videos to amuse and inform our fans. Mostly the informing was on current events with the band, but occasionally we got bored and did a video about manta rays or fashion in Ancient Greece.

Overeducated!

On our last day of tour, however, we were filming in the parking lot out back of the venue. “Hi!” Jesse greeted to the camera when Matt gave us the signal. “I’m Jesse and she’s Angie.” I waved. “And today, we’re going to be doing some acrobatics!”

“With our friends the Audition!” I added, pulling Tim in next to me.

“Uh, hey?” he said uncertain. “I don’t actually have to cartwheel, do I?”

“You agreed, and you’re gonna try,” Jesse ordered, still smiling at the lens.

“Keep laughing, fools,” I said to the rest of our band mates who were watching behind Matt. “You’re gonna be in this video too.”

And they were! We got everyone on the tour to—ahem— attempt a cartwheel, including crew. Some of them were actually pretty good, too. The others… well, it’d be amusing for fans to watch Matt fall on his ass.

“Now!” Jesse announced, still grinning. “Angie and Didi are going to give you some examples of, uh, more impressive stuff.”

“You know I can’t even somersault, right?” Didi laughed.

I tapped my lips. “Hmm. Good point.” I snapped my fingers. “You know what you can do?” I pointed around. “All of you.” I was met with a sea of blank faces and rolled my eyes. “Two words.”

Matt tilted his head sideways to look at me. “What?”

“Pump jump!” Sean yelled, running behind me and Didi and exhibiting the answer.

That occupied everyone for about twenty minutes, running around, laughing, pelvic thrusting. I filmed for a while—because Matt wanted to join in the fun, and he knew I was too OCD to mess with the camera—and realised how hard it was to not laugh watching that. However, pump-jumping is tough work, so eventually all the guys wandered off to relax and have a few beers.

“You wanna take a break?” I asked Matt, both of us sitting down on the sidewalk.

“Well, we still haven’t done half the stuff we planned,” Matt said, scratching his head.

I leaned my elbows onto my knees and squinted up at the sky. I didn’t know Maine was so muggy in the summer. After I few minutes, I swung my head around to him. “Why don’t you grab a beer,” I suggested, “and I’ll go change because it’s goddamn awful out here, and we’ll film me doing walk-overs and shit, and Jesse can do the intros later, and then we can add some transitions in editing.”

He grinned. “You’re so clever. This is why you’re my assistant.”

“I am not your assistant, bitch. Now go get me a soda.”

So he went inside to grab a beer and I jogged back to the bus. Luckily nobody else was in, so I threw off my clothes and pulled on a pair of denim shorts and my “Everything Is Ruined Forever” shirt with the plaid elephant. We’d have to explain the discontinuity somehow. Or… not!

“Good choice,” Matt said with a snort before handing me a cherry 7up.

I beamed. “Thank you!” I cracked it open and took a sip before setting the can down and returning to the open space we’d be working in earlier. Hands on my hips, I waited for Matt to open the viewfinder. “Alrighty.”

I started simple with a cartwheel, and then crossed to the other side of what would be the screen to do it one-handed. I realised, as I walked across the space on my hands and then crossed again with a round-off, that if I tried to do everything without stopping, I’d be so tired that I’d probably fuck up and land on my head. And that was no good.

“Uuuugh,” I moaned, wandering back to my soda.

“What?” Matt followed me behind the camera.

I took a long swig. “This shit is more tiresome than the pump-jump.”

“Is it more exhausting than sex with your swain?” he asked, grinning.

My eyes narrowed over the can, and I took my time in swallowing my drink before retorting, “Who the hell uses the word ‘swain’? What are you, Victorian?”

After that came back walk-overs, front and back handsprings, tucks, and finally, aerials. “Even if you’re going to ignore our warning not to do any of this without training and supervision,” I said, readying myself, “Please don’t try this without a lot of practice. I don’t want any of you hurting yourselves just because I’m stupid.”

Aerials are hard, with a lot of room to fuck up and give yourself brain damage.

“Shit!” I looked over to find that a couple of the guys had returned outside to watch. “That was fucking cool!”

“Is that the finale?” Beth asked, leaning on Jesse’s shoulder.

“Unless you’ve got something else,” Matt said with a shrug, glancing at me.

I thought for a moment and drank the rest of my soda. “Yeah, I got one,” I sighed. I took a deep breath. “I think that’s it though.” I walked back and turned to the camera. “So I’mma do a sequence,” I informed it, counting on my fingers, “Of a back walk-over, a roundoff, and a back handspring ending in a tuck.”

“Were you a cheerleader or something?” Joe asked.

“Dancer,” Sean corrected.

“And gymnast when I was little, but that’s not important,” I added.

I guess I’m in the right profession since adrenaline and applause make me feel good about living.

“You’re bendy,” Ryan commented once it was clear the filming was done. I chuckled and caught the knowing smirk on Danny’s face. That was okay. I’d convinced Matt to pants him a few nights before. It wasn’t my fault he didn’t wear a belt!

When we were sitting around (supposedly getting ready for the show) someone brought up that the beach was pretty close and we should have a bonfire for our last night of tour. That, I think looking back, was the point the night went to hell, because we got far too excited about the prospect of fire and booze and sand and fucking around.

But first we had a show to do. And excited energy is infectious, especially when it comes to already-excited teenagers.

“Are yeh drunk already?” Sean laughed, watching me dance around.

I pulled a hurt pout. “It’s Say Anything!” I protested, pointing up, even though the speakers were to my left.

“Be a Bemis-slut and load equipment,” Didi directed, shoving a case at me.

“You wanna talk about sluts for Max Bemis—”

“I am not!” Matt shouted across the room.

I grinned. “Good to know you’re not going deaf, puttano,” I called back, heaving up an amp and following our guitar tech.

I love the beach, especially at night. It’s the one thing that proves me undeniably a California girl. Too bad I can’t surf. Anyway, the beach was pretty empty since it was midnight, but we’d talked a cop into letting us hang out for a while so long as we didn’t make too much noise.

Ha. Hahahahahaha!

Didi, Beth, and I sat on a blanket drinking cider a few yards away from the guys, who all (the entire tour, yes) were trying to get the fire started. Supposedly. To me it looked like they were blinding each other with flashlights and playing with matches. We thought it prudent to not let them set us on fire as well. Long hair and all that.

I made sure Danny tied his back. Burnt hair reeks.

“So the Audition’s leaving tomorrow morning,” Beth mentioned.

“Yep,” I agreed, knowing where this was going. Thus I didn’t bother looking away from the entertainment.

“Have you and Danny talked about… stuff?” Didi asked.

“Nope.”

“So you still don’t know what’s going to happen.”

“Nope.”

“…Gonna get wasted and ask him?”

“…Yep.”

The guys got the fire started—thankfully without the aid of gasoline—and turned on the boombox from the bus. Between drinks two and three, Jesse took a running start and leapt over the fire, receiving cheers and laughter from the rest of us. Between drinks three and four, Matt took the camera from me and told me to go take a few jumps. Between drinks four and five, Lussa convinced me to aerial over the fire, and I was just sober enough to know it was a bad idea, but just tipsy enough to do it after practicing a few times. And pulling my hair into a bun.

“Oh god oh god oh god oh god,” I muttered, holding my hands over my eyes. I’d lost my balance on the landing and stumbled backwards into the sand, but thankfully away from the bonfire.

“Ange, you okay?” Matt asked seriously, appearing at my side. The demeanour of the scene changed very suddenly.

My eyes appeared over the top of my fingers. “That was fucking awesome!” Everyone laughed and everything returned to jollity. I gave Matt a shaky smile. “And terrifying. Where’s the whiskey?”

About an hour and several shots later, the beach was moving almost as much as the tide, so I decided to take a break from dancing and sit down. Except my feet slipped out from under me and I landed hard on the blanket with an “oof!” I literally went “Oof!”

Glad that nobody was around to hear that, I poured myself some ginger ale and let my attention shift between the guys playing football, the people hanging out around the music, the ocean, and whatever came to mind. Mostly I got caught between the sound of the waves and snippets of lyrics, and let my eyes drift shift.

“Hey, babe.” Danny planted himself next to me, beer in hand. A smile had already consumed control of my brain at the sound of his voice. But I had to play it cool since the overwhelming urge to jump him and my thick accent told of exactly how wasted I was.

“Tired of football?” I slurred, carefully taking a sip. I had enough problems drinking sober.

“You looked lonely,” he replied, grin quirking his lips. I laughed, leaning into his shoulder. His lean… firm shoulder… and long, strong arm… “Pen?”

“Yes, love?” I looked up into his eyes.

Danny paused, just looking at me. But I was drunk and had an internal monologue, so I was content to wait for whatever he wanted to say. “You know we leave early tomorrow, right?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, Beth brought tha’ up earlier.”

“I was just wondering… ya know, what we’re going to do.”

I opened my mouth and closed it, biting my lip to keep words in. Saying I was down with a long-distance relationship right off the bat would imply that I’d given it a lot of thought and wanted to stay together, which would be awkward if he didn’t want to. Which would be counter-intuitive since he’d admitted he ~liked me.

But I couldn’t just keep staring at him for much longer because it was obviously freaking him out a little. “I dunno,” I admitted, turning my eyes into the fire. “I’m not really into int’a friends with benefits an’ tha’, but…”

“But?” Danny prompted.

I turned back to him. “What are we?” I asked, hating myself immediately for it. “Not tha’ titles mean anythin’, but it would help me understand…” He nodded thoughtfully, looking off. I returned my cheek to his shoulder, one hand on his upper arm and the other on his leg. I really liked that he didn’t mind me being physically affectionate, and I liked even more that he did the same.

Whoa, cautioned my Voice of Reason, snapping me out of my trance. Easy there.

I also noticed at that moment that the Chili Peppers’ “Suck My Kiss” was on—and that Sean was rapping, as he sometimes did. “Aw baby think you can!” he shouted along with the others, “Be my girl, I’ll be your man!”

Danny and I turned back to each other at exactly the same moment and both laughed. “Couldn’t’a said it better myself,” Danny said. “Is that… okay with you?”

“Of course,” I agreed. “S’long as that means you’re not doin’ anythin’ to other girls that yeh’d do t’ me.” His hand quickly grabbed mine and relocated it from further up his leg, where it had apparently been moving. Huh. How’d that happen?

Danny watched me bat my eyes innocently, though really I was watching him swirl gently against the sky. His eyes moved to the plastic cup I’d put down. “Wanna walk down the beach?”

I blinked at him. “Danny, I ‘ave very little control over m’ limbs and can’t get yeh to stop moving. D’you think I could walk on sand?”

“You’re not gonna throw up on me, are you?”

“No, I ‘aven’t ‘ad any beer or pretzels.”

He frowned in confusion for a moment before wrapping an arm around my waist. “Let’s go to bus,” he said. “You drink any more and you won’t have the brainpower to miss me tomorrow.” He climbed to his feet and called to the others that we were going to go sober up—fat chance—during which time I stood up and found my feet.

When he turned around, I wrapped my arms around his neck and smashed my lips into his. Very drunk equals very affectionate. “Can’t you wait two minutes?” Danny asked half garbled by my mouth.

I pulled back, grinning hazily. “Yeh’re lucky I waited his long.” He took one of my hands and began to lead me away, but I tripped over my feet and ended up giggling in the sand. “Weeee!”

Danny sighed and pulled me up. “You can’t be that drunk.”

“You’d be surprised.”

“Are you too drunk for me to carry you to the bus?”

I perked up. “Nope!” He turned around and, putting my hands on his shoulders, I jumped onto his back. Once situated, Danny started walking. I blew kisses to Sean and Beth, who called out goodnights, and gave Didi the finger since she yelled, “USE CONDOMS! NO TOUR BABIES!”

He laughed when I relaxed against his back again. “Good advice.”

“But it’s not really a secret if ev’ryone knows,” I murmured, nibbling on his ear.

I hopped off his back when we got to the bus and he put in the passcode to unlock the door. I stumbled up the stairs and started towards to the bunks, but Danny grabbed my wrist and tugged me back against his chest. “Why would I keep you a secret?” he asked with a smirk.