The Now or Never Kind

“Okay, who the fuck was in my kitchen last night making a sandwich?”

Sitting on the couch with my laptop, I snorted. I woke up a little after nine with a dull headache behind my eyes. I stayed in bed with a book, glancing at the sleeping Beth next to me, and texting back and forth with Didi—we planned to meet for coffee later—until I picked up on the muffled groans of hung-over musicians. Because the man of the apartment was still sleeping, I deemed it my responsibility to make the obligatory coffee and get everyone water and aspirin.

About an hour later, I was sitting on the couch, having “gently” pushed the boys who were awake to stop bitching about their heads. Somehow I’d missed Gabe walking from his room to the kitchen. “Jack was hungry,” I called, turning my head slightly and keeping my eyes on my inbox. “He must’ve forgotten about it.”

Jack frowned, confused, and tried to remember being awake. Lucky me, I guess, I thought, remembering everything myself. Gabe leaned into the door, eyes narrowed suspiciously over a growing smirk. “And why do you know that?” he asked insinuatingly.

I arched an eyebrow at him. “I couldn’t sleep. Neither could he.”

“Fighting insomnia demons, huh?” He grinned. “I’m shocked you two didn’t make enough noise to knock us all out of unconsciousness.”

“…Shut up and drink your fucking coffee, Saporta.”

Eventually my host joined me on the couch around the point I checked YouTube, while everyone else sat around. After watching the latest TAITV—yeah I could call Bill or Sisky or Michael, but this was more fun; plus I could make commentary directly to William—I noticed that Matt had posted a new video on our channel. I recognised it almost immediately as some randomness a week before.

Matt had decided that shooting a video while we were all at his house was a fantastic idea. Unfortunately… “I don't really know what to do,” he said, pointing the camera at himself, “So...let's go on a tour!"

The camera turned and wobbled as he walked. “A different sort of tour… that is,” he continued, heading through the front door. “…And I wish I could say this would be the end of stupid puns like that, but I doubt it. So this is my living room.”

Gabe snickered. “Your drummer’s as much of a spaz as you are,” he commented as everyone started gathering around my laptop.

I elbowed him and kept watching as Matt walked around his ridiculously nice house, introducing the family members and pets he came across. The best part was when he nearly tripped over his little sister, and then we all made gagging noises when Matt got Ronnie to kiss his cheek. Stupid adorable kids.

“And finally, the best place in the house and where I spend the most time,” Matt narrated, jumping down the stairs I’d jumped down so many times. “The basement. It has everything: plasma TV, über-comfy couch, various game systems, recording equipment… hot redhead in barely any clothes…”

I smacked my forehead while Gabe neared choked and the others scrambled up to get a look. “Santa merda,” I muttered, seeing myself wearing my pair of green All Time Low shorts, a tank top, and my red Matches hoodie half-unzipped getting zoomed in on. Gabe chuckled as Video-me took a sip from my can of Dr. Pepper. “What’re you doing, Sundance?” she asked.

“Currently showing our fans and the people of YouTube why I love sharing a tourbus with you,” his voice said as the camera focused in on my legs.

“…If you’re zoomed in on anything other than my face, you’re going to need a new camera and a neck brace.” The frame blurred up to my face, currently giving Matt the evil eye. Video-me rolled her eyes and hopped onto the couch between Jesse and Sean.

The video ended and I could feel five pairs of eyes on me. “Shut up,” I muttered, sinking further into the couch.

“Will you model those for us?” Alex asked, poking my shoulder. “You know… for merch.”

“You make enough money off that picture of Zack.” Zack rolled his eyes and stretched his hand to my trackpad, clicking on another episode. “Besides, you don’t have enough male fans for that to be helpful.”

“Sure we do,” Jack protested.

“A lot of them are gay,” William commented distractedly, eyes focused on the screen. All three All Time Lowians opened their mouths to protest, but he continued, “Ask Penelope. She knows.”

As we continued watching back-episodes of Television Penny Dreadful (or the Transvestite Police Department as I liked to call it; the guys had yet to warm to that episode idea), I began to feel terribly nostalgic and miss the guys quite a bit. And technically I wasn’t the one avoiding them; I was avoiding Ryan, and Beth was avoiding Jesse, and because of him the rest of my boys.

“Words flow as we are fading. Watch the canvas become our painting.” I jumped as my phone vibrated and blasted the ringtone Beth had made for me in my pocket. I hesitated in pulling it out; that was my ringtone for the boys, Beth, Didi, and anyone else I really wanted to talk to. “Not all roads lead to Rome 'cause this one leads to the hell back home…”

The guys around me were getting slightly annoyed, since they were trying to listen to Sean’s explanation of what mischief we were getting into today, so I flipped open my phone. “Pronto?”

“…Bloody ‘ell, you picked up. Don’ ‘ang up!”

I rolled my eyes at my guitarist friend. “If I wanted to ignore you, Sean,” I said, “I wouldn’t have answered.” I handed the laptop off to William, sitting beside me, and barely got up in time before both Alex and Zack dived for my seat. Rolling my eyes again, I went into the kitchen. “What’s up, Sean?”

“What’s up?” he repeated incredulously. “Angie, ye’ve been gone two days and no one knows where y’are! We’re goin’ bonkers!”

“Relax, Beth and I are safe.”

Sean sighed. “’Ow can I relax when my friend whom Ah promised t’take care of is god knows where with ‘er personal enabler?”

I narrowed my eyes at the refrigerator as I leaned against the counter. “Because my personal enabler, as you say, is one of the few people I trust,” I hissed icily. “And because I’m not a bloody idiot, Sean. I know the whole world isn’t safe enough for two girls to be travelling alone.”

“…So ye either picked someone up somewhere or are staying with someone,” Sean deciphered slowly. “Which means ye basically could be anywhere since we know people all over the country.”

“You are not going to figure me out. I thought you’d have learned that by now.” I knew that Sean was worried—he was always the most adult out of all of us, including Aromi most of the time—but now it was really getting on my nerves. We were all adults here.

But he was still talking through his thoughts. “L.A. is too close, so it can’t be Wentz. Beth wouldn’ want t’be in Chicago near ‘er family, so tha’ rules out Beckett. Neither of you are insane enough to go to Maryland. Unless that’s what ye want us t’think…”

“Sean!” I snapped. I leaned to glance through the doorframe; Bill glanced up just before I returned to my position and lowered my voice. “I am not going to tell you where we are, and we’re not coming back until we’re ready, so just lay off!”

Sean paused. “This is ‘bout Ryan, isn’t it?” he said eventually. “’E went back to Vegas yesterday. Said ‘e to get out o’ California. Did som’in ‘appen?”

I clenched my jaw tightly. All of a sudden I hated Sean, probably for bringing that up, and I sure as hell wasn’t healed at all from the break-up. But more than that, I wasn’t here for me; I was there mostly for Beth; I knew that I fell under the ‘bros before hos’ law with Jesse, but I also had the ‘chicks before dicks’ rule to think about. And I didn’t get too many female friends. Jesse would forgive me. So I wasn’t being selfish here, and being called selfish pissed me off. “You know what, Vanderpol?” I spat. “Go fuck yourself.”

I snapped my phone shut and took a deep breath. And then I swore. A lot.

…In Italian! Give me a little credit.

However, I didn’t bother curbing my slur-vomit as I swept through the living room, leaving six rather confused people—Beth seemed only mildly surprised; she had a kind of a drama-radar that worked even when she was sleeping—and still managed to not double up on phrases by the time I’d grabbed my shoes and jacket.

I paused in swearing to point at my laptop; Beth nodded and took it from William. There’s nothing like slamming doors to relieve tension. Unfortunately my stress went far deeper than that; however, at least I had to decency and common sense to not yell profanities in Italian in the hallways of Gabe’s New York City apartment.

I fumed as I stalked down the hallway. I growled to myself in the empty elevator. I seethed as I stormed through the first floor, past the people in the lobby, and down the front steps. With all of that, no one ever came close to touching me. I was the epitome of lethal grace.

And at the bottom of the stairs, I crashed into someone hard.

“Shit!”

“Fuck!” I winced, lifting my head up from the sidewalk to check where I hit it. Surprisingly when I opened my eyes it was obscured by hair, and it wasn’t my own. Soft, but not mine. And then I was looking at a rail-thin guy who, as he pushed himself off me—awkward!—turned about to be reeeeally tall. Even by my standards.

“I’m really sorry,” he said, offering me a hand; I took it and clamoured to my feet. “You came outta nowhere.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I excused, rubbing the back of my head and eying my hand, “It was my fault. Not looking where I was going. Am I bleeding?”

We both turned and he sorted through my hair with his fingers. Admittedly this was kind of incredibly weird, seeing as I was always told New York was dangerous as Hel, standing on the sidewalk with a complete stranger checking to see if I had head trauma. “I don’t think so,” he said unsurely. “But it’s kind of hard to tell. You know… because of your hair…”

I chuckled slightly. “Right.” We both smiled awkwardly at each other. He looked familiar, but I’d noticed that everyone started looking familiar after a while. This guy though—I usually remembered every tall, super-cute guy with great hair.

He stuck out his hand. “I’m Josh,” he introduced. “Pleasure to meet you.”

“Penelope,” I replied. “Pleasure to… get landed on by you?” Josh laughed, and I noticed that he had guitarists’ hands. Am I just a magnet for musically inclined boys, or is someone fucking with me? I thought.

“So, uh, where were you going in such a hurry, if you don’t mind me asking?” Josh asked, shoving his hands into his pockets.

With that I remembered that I was on the rampage, and I glanced up at the apartment. Beth could probably hold the guys off for a while, but not indefinitely. “Um…” I smiled uncertainly. “I was going to meet a friend for coffee—running late. Some place called Smooth Javv?” Josh blinked a few times. I raised an eyebrow inquisitively. “What?”

He chuckled quietly, tucking the hair that fell in front of his eyes behind his ear. “Uh, nothing… It’s just… well, that’s where I was going…”

I smiled, dusting myself off. “Oh! Convenient.” Awkward pause. “D’you, um, mind if I go with you?”

You should never put me together with someone as awkward or more awkward than I am. Nothing will get done.

So we walked along, this strange, very tall, very quiet Josh and I, wandering down the sidewalk in New York City, occasionally one of us checking directions on our phones. I glanced up at him from the corner of my eye a few times, unable to shake the feeling that I knew him but completely clueless as to why.

Eventually I felt like my brain was going to explode if I didn’t ask. “So this is going to sound weird,” I began suddenly, not turning my gaze away from the cement, “But have I seen you at a show before?”

Josh had the awkward chuckle down pat, but damn it was endearing. “Actually I was kind of wondering the same thing,” he admitted. “You look so familiar.”

I grinned, shaking my head. I gained more things in common with this guy every time he talked. Or didn’t talk. “Okay, well, are you from around here?”

“Nope. Michigan. You?”

“California. I think I’ve been in Michigan. Don’t really remember though.”

He laughed. “Yeah, most people don’t,” he said. “I’ve definitely been to California though. We probably met there. I’ve met my fair share of California girls.”

I arched an eyebrow at him, feeling a smirk grow. “What’re you, some kind of Casanova?” I teased lightly.

Josh gave me a big grin, hair falling in his face again. “Well, girls in any state seem to have a fetish for the guitarist.” Again, he tucked his hair behind his ears. “It’s like we emit some extra pheromone or something.”

I stopped in my tracks and it took a second for Josh to stop too. I shook my head, laughing at myself. “You’re in a band,” I declared, feeling stupid for not realising it before. His look of confusion deepened as he nodded slowly. I laughed, passing a hand over my face in embarrassment.

“Wait,” Josh interjected. He cocked his head at me. “But you asked if you met me at a show.”

I blinked, nodding. “Yeah. And you said you were wondering the same thing.” I frowned slightly. “Could you… mess up your hair a bit?” He grinned and shook his head wildly. I gasped. Actually gasped. “Holy shit, I watched you on Warped Tour!” Josh brushed his masses of hair back out of his face. I smacked my forehead. “Jesus, I’m an idiot.”

“When did you see us?”

I waved a hand. “I dunno,” I mused, not really wanting to think about most of the last summer. “All those days blend together.”

Josh crossed his arms, smiling. “You kind of struck me as the type to follow music pretty closely,” he said.

I imitated his posture. “Well, we all have to pay the bills somehow, don’t we, Josh?” I replied. His smile dropped into confusion again, and I crumpled into chuckles. “I didn’t follow Warped. I was on it. Penny Dreadful.”

“Oh! I remember you!” He laughed a little sheepishly, possibly nervously. “But, uh, I’ve never heard you guys. Saw you around tour, though.” I smiled, shrugging it off. I wasn’t offended; not everyone listened to everything.

We both nodded slowly, standing with our hands in our pockets and not looking quite at each other. I glanced down the street and blinked. “Oh.” Josh raised his eyebrows expectantly. Now I smiled sheepishly. “We’ve been standing right next to the café for five minutes.”

Josh chuckled and we set off to our destination. For once I didn’t mind a guy opening a door for me; something about him, that awkward adorable air about him, just made me grin. I looked around and almost immediately spotted Didi’s maroon and purple hair. “There she is.” I glanced up at Josh, who was now looking where I was. “Fun hair.”

He blinked a few times interestedly before walking in her direction. I darted after him and somehow managed to reach the table first. Didi, as usual, was humming the twelfth track of the Matches’ “E. Von Dahl Killed the Locals” when I tapped her shoulder. “’Ello, my doe,” I greeted as she looked up. “This is—”

“Josh!”

“Didi!”

She leapt to her feet and flung her arms around his neck, leaving me standing there very confused. They exchanged slightly tongue-tied greetings and pleasantries before remembering that I was there. I arched an eyebrow at her. “Do you know everyone?”

Didi grinned. “Pretty much,” she replied. She poked Josh’s arm. “Dave and Jimmie are over there; I saw them come in.”

Josh’s head whipped around, hair flying everywhere. “Ah.” He smiled at us both (but mostly Didi, I believed). “Do you want to join us?”

“Sure,” I agreed with a shrug, ignoring the look I was getting from my friend; I couldn’t tell whether it was the Please, say yes! look or the If you say yes, I will kill you! look. But hey, I liked meeting new people, so hard cheese.

“Gee, Jimmie!” one of the guys at the table we were approaching said loudly. “I wonder why Josh is so late!”

“I don’t know, Dave!” the other replied, just as clearly. Both of them were trying not to laugh. “Isn’t that him over there?”

“I think it is, Jimmie! Who’s that with him?”

“They must be the reason he’s so late!”

I straightened my smile and kept my voice level. “That’d be me,” I agreed conversationally. “We crashed into each other on the sidewalk and were just so overcome with lust when he landed on me,” I shot a wry look at Didi, who cracked up, “that we had to rush back into the apartment and be rabbits.” I paused. “Or we got lost. One of those.”

“It’s always you,” Dave griped to his guitarist.

“Actually, it’s probably her,” Didi said, smiling in greeting. “She can’t even go fifty feet without running into a musician.”

I stuck out my lower lip as Josh sat down. “Hey now, that’s not fair,” I contested. “I can’t help it if I have a huge sign over my head that says, ‘Fellow musician. Come talk to and fall in love with her’.” I blinked, realising that I was being my usual weirdness in front of people. And I hadn’t even met them yet. “I’m Angie, by the way.”

Didi and I sat down when Josh and Dave dragged chairs from adjacent tables. “We did Warped with you, didn’t we?” Jimmie asked. “Penny Dreadful, right?”

I turned to Josh, who shot me a toothy uncertain grin. “Dude, you fail.”

These guys—Dave, Jimmie, and Josh, who turned out to be part of Every Avenue (yay learning names)—were awesome, goofy and weird without being too terribly immature. I felt right at home with people I’d just met. One of the best parts was how obviously ga-ga Josh and Didi were over each other, even though neither wanted to admit it. Oddly neither of the others seemed to notice; or maybe they’d just gotten used to it.

“Words flow as we are fading. Watch the canvas become our painting.” I scrambled for my phone the instant I felt it vibrate in my pocket, but it didn't fail to catch the attention of everyone at the table, whose expressions varied from amused to embarrassed. I smiled discomfitedly and picked it up. "Well, that's humiliating."

The table snickered. "What is?" Beth asked. "Where'd you go?"

"Coffee with Didi," I replied. "Only you know how I am about attracted other musicians to me. Hence the mortification of your ringtone going off." There was a pause before Beth cackled, and I rolled my eyes because everyone else laughed too. "Yeah, I love you too."

"Anyway! Let's go check into a hotel and you can tell me why you stormed off in a cloud of Italian in the first place." I gave Beth directions to the place, but that just ended in her deciding to call a cab. And I was okay with that; it'd give me a chance to hang out a bit more.

I put my phone away and caught the look Dave was giving me. "A friend made the ringtone," I explained wearily, sipping my tea. "And if I'd known I would ever meet you, I would've changed it."

“You don’t want us to know you like us?” Josh asked, pushing out his lower lip.

I smiled. “Nope.”