Acting On Love

When Ville dropped me off in the town centre, things still felt awkward between us. It had only just struck me that tonight could have been the night. And I'd let my stupidity ruin that. I couldn't help but feel guilty for ruining the weekend.

Then something else struck me. I'd already known he wanted to spend the weekend away. Did I - on some subconscious level - realise that I wasn't...ready for the next step with him?

I looked at his face. He stared out of the wind shield silently.

"I had a good time, Ville," I said, trying to smile as best as I could.

He turned to look at me. "Good," he said, smiling weakly.

I quickly kissed him on the cheek, which made him smile a little more, before I stepped out of the car. He waved me off before he drove away. I spent my walk back to the university kicking myself for what had happened.

The next day was especially bad, since I knew I didn't have to be stuck in my room. I could have been with him, instead. I lay on my bed, not wanting to move. A knock on my door eventually got me up on my feet. It was Lisa.

"Hey, where were you yesterday? You didn't tell me you were going out..." she said, looking a little disappointed.

"I just went to town to get some things," I lied.

"I could have come with you," she laughed. "Well, if I didn't have so much work..." she said, looking annoyed. "I really should email Mr. Bates about that. I don't think it's fair - the amount of work we have just for the weekend..." she trailed off, catching my attention.

"Wait, you can email him?" I asked, surprised.

"Uh, yeah..." she said, almost laughing. "You can email any teacher if you really need to."

"Oh," I said, beginning to form a plan in my head.

"Hey, I was just headed to the library for some books. You wanna come?"

"Sure," I smiled. There were computers in the library...maybe I could email him from there. I was desperate to see him again.

I followed her towards the main part of the university, and up to the second floor where the library was. I'd never actually been in the library until then, so I was surprised at how big it was. I almost forgot the reason I'd agreed to go there, since I was so intrigued by the place. Lisa wandered off through the rows of books, leaving me to explore.

I wandered down the first aisle of books in the fictional section, tracing each spine with my fingers. They had everything here. I could hear the quiet mumble of voices come from the main part of the library, where people were taking out books. Through the small gaps in the row of books, I could see people on the other side - also looking for books.

My fingers finally landed on a book which I thought looked interesting. "Arizona Dreams" by Jon Talton. I pulled the book out and turned it over to read the blurb.

David Mapstone, history professor turned deputy, is excited when a former student brings him a 40-year-old letter confessing to a murder...

I stopped reading on the second line when I realised who it reminded me of. It was stupid, but I still reached forward to put the book back. Before I could put it back in it's place, through the gap in the aisle of books, I could see someone on the other side. I could only see their lips and chin, but I knew without a doubt who they belonged to.

"Ville?" I whispered, making him look down either side of his own row. "Through here."

After hearing this, he leant down and met my eyes through the gap. "Kristen?" he asked, startled, but smiling. "Wait there - I'm coming."

A few moments later, I saw him come walking down my aisle. I met him half way. He was stil smiling, which was comforting.

"This is going to sound stupid, but I've missed you..." I whispered, making sure to keep my voice low.

He grinned. "I've missed you, too. But why..." he trailed off.

I looked at the floor. "You noticed my bad mood yesterday, huh?"

He nodded slightly, looking a little unsure. Maybe even worried.

"It's just..." I paused to sigh. "This is going to sound so stupid."

"I don't mind," he laughed, before the worried look took over his face again.

"Well...in the diner, when you were paying...you said something that made me realise how...different we are. And then you said about spending the night together, and I sort of...I don't know," I said, looking at the floor, unable to meet his eyes as I said it. "I'm worried about us. Are we crazy for doing this?"

He lifted up my chin, so I finally looked at him. "Is that really all you're worried about?" he grinned. "I always knew we were taking a risk here. But that doesn't matter. All that matters is that the risk is worth what we have. Is it?"

I nodded.

He smiled. "Well, then..." he whispered. His smile made me smile.

"I'm sorry I ruined our weekend."

"No, it was my fault. I should have known that you weren't...ready for that yet. I'm perfectly willing to wait, though."

I couldn't help but feel my smile grow on my lips. "Why are you so perfect?" I sighed.

He laughed. "You know I'm not perfect."

"Well, you're the closest thing."

He smiled, before he noticed the book which was still in my hands. "What have you got there?" he smiled, taking the book from my hands. "Arizona Dreams..." he murmured to himself, lifting his eyebrow as he read the blurb.

"I was just taking a look..."

"You like mystery?" he asked, passing me back the book.

"I love it," I admitted.

"Me too," he whispered.