Acting On Love

We spent the afternoon together, enjoying the scarce winter sun together on a bench in the park. We spoke for hours, about everything. Well, almost everything. There was one subject we stayed well away from - the university. As soon as the sun started it's descent back to the horizon, Ville offered to take me back. To be safe from anyone who would recognise us, Ville decided to drop me off in a remote part of town, but still as close to the university as possible.

He slowed the car to a complete halt and kept the engine running. It was then that it struck me that I'd have to wait a whole day to see him again. I didn't like that thought. Hated it, even. Even something as small as being in the same room as him lightened my mood. It kept a smile on my face. He was becoming like my drug, and my addiction only grew stronger with time. I depended on him to be happy. I depended on having him everyday, and when I didn't, I couldn't stand it - I experienced the grim side effects. And yet having him wasn't legal - I couldn't been seen with him. I had to hide when I was with him, or we would both face the consequences. The drug would be taken from me. Cast away. And I would have to search for it, even after the harm had been inflicted on both sides. Would the drug still want the addict...?

Ville shook my shoulder. I turned to face him and realised I'd been caught up in my thoughts. He grinned.

"Welcome back," he laughed. "What were you thinking about?"

"Oh, nothing. Just what I'm going to get you for your birthday..." I said, making him smile with surprise. I felt guilty seeing this smile - I hadn't earned it.

"That was sweet," he whispered, "but you don't have to get me anything."

"I want to," I said, unbuckling my seatbelt. He grinned again. "So...will I see you in acting tomorrow?"

His smile faded. "I'm taking the week off, Kristen."

"Oh. Well, I am, too then."

He frowned. "You've got exams coming up...you should probably go."

I sighed. "Don't you want to spend time with me?"

He laughed. "Of course I do."

"Then stop worrying about my education," I said, grinning, opening up the door.

"Don't I get a kiss?" he asked, taking hold of my wrist loosely to see if I would still go.

"Of course," I smiled, and inclined my head towards his across the car. He finished the gap between us in almost a rush, making our lips collide with more impact. His lips moved with mine for longer than I'd expected them to, but I didn't mind. If I could have had my way, I would have kissed him like this every time I saw him at the university.

He waved me off, and I watched him drive away from the little alcove he'd parked his car in, between two buildings. I smelt the thin cloud of smoke which his exhaust pipe had emitted. It burnt on my tongue like a bitter after taste of a delicious fruit - Ville being the fruit. I think at that point I even envied that cloud of smoke - it was the car's boastful way of saying, 'Look who gets to spend more time with him. . .'

Stop acting like a love-sick puppy, a voice inside my head ordered the dominating part of me. I knew this part of me was right for once. I turned on my heels and headed towards the halls.

When I arrived back at my room, Lisa was standing against my door, reading a book. Almost like she was guarding it. She looked up slowly from the page when she noticed me walking towards her. Her eyes were filled with a mixture of disappointment and partly even...anger. I was scared for a moment.

She folded her arms. Definitely angry, I thought to myself.

"I didn't see you in lunch," she commented. I saw that her eyes were filled with all sorts of questions, demands and words she wanted to throw at me. For some reason something was telling her to 'hold fire'.

"I'll explain inside," I said quietly. This didn't seem to lighten her anger. I unlocked my door despite her obvious mood and let us into my room, although I almost feared for the little possessions I had inside - would she get angry enough to destroy anything...?

"This is to do with Mr. Valo, isn't it?" she asked. "It wasn't much of a surprise when I found out he was 'ill'..."

I sighed. "It isn't such a bad thing, is it?"

"Of course it is!" she said, raising her voice. Her eyes glared at me, as if wishing for me to see sense.

"Why?" I questioned, trying to stay calm with her.

"You already know why," she said quieter, scolding me with the look of almost...disgust in her eyes. "So where is he with this?"

"He's on the same page as me," I mumbled, getting annoyed at her. More than annoyed. Disappointed and angry - just like her. She was my only proper friend at the university. I thought I'd be able to tell her this. If I couldn't tell her, then who could I tell? No-one. And that's hat I feared the most.

"Really?" she accused. "Because most of the time when a thirty year old man seeks to have a relationship with an eighteen year old student, I think there's something not quite so innocent happening there!"

Sex. That's what she thought this was about... Now I was really angry.

"I'm not eighteen. I'm twenty. And he's twenty-nine. And we have not had sex," I said calmly, disguising well the anger building up inside me. Anger that she really thought I'd get into a risky relationship for the physical side.

She looked at me for a moment without saying anything. It looked like she was judging me - seeing if she could trust my words. Even under the anger, I silently hoped she would trust me.

"Of course you would say that," she said coldly, heading to my door.

"So that's what you think, is it? That I'm just a whore who sleeps with teachers? Well...it looks like you don't know me at all, then..."

"No, it doesn't look like I do," she paused, opening the door. "And I don't think I want to."

With that, she shut the door loudly behind her. Her words had cut me more than I thought words could have. I locked the door behind her and lay down on my bed, feeling the inevitable tears well up inside me. I pictured Ville comforting me - lying next to me on the small bed, with an arm round my shoulder, whilst he sang softly into my ear. And no-one outside the room, listening in, could take him away from me.