I'd Do Anything For A Smile

I opened my eyes and glanced at the clock to find that not much time had passed since I received such horrible news. I rolled over onto my back and stared up at the ceiling thinking that this was just a dream and that I was going to wake up any minute with Mike coming to hug me and to tell me that everything was going to be okay. My emotions begged for release but I forbid showing any pain because I just wasn’t ready to accept that he was gone and I don’t think I ever will. He was my one and only, never have I been close to my family, especially since my mother died and his family disliked me very much. I knew I had to do the right thing and call his parents and tell them such news, that they weren’t ready to hear.

Taking a deep breath and exhaling deeply I sat up from the bed and grabbed the phone off the base and hesitantly dialed his parents’ number. My throat tightened from the tears that were threatening to fall but I refused to break down on the phone because I had to be the strong one if anything.

“Hello?” A cheery voice answered.

I knew it was his mother and I cleared my throat trying to hold myself together, which seemed far from reality. “Gwen?”

“Lyndsey? Is that you?” she asked in distaste. She never liked me and I knew since the day I met Michael that I was never going to be good enough for him in her eyes. I tried to fight the emotions that were raging through me but that was impossible since my hormones were through the roof. When you’re pregnant, the simplest things can trigger such emotions, which I found a bit irritating.

“Yes, I’m-”

“What do you want? I’m busy, I just don’t sit around and do nothing all day” she sneered. I let a tear slip down my cheek before proceeding.

“M-Michael d-died” I whispered.

“My God” she whispered “You see what you have done? This is all your fault for letting him go!” She yelled, causing me to cry even more “I claim his body and I don’t want you saying anything at the service” she spat with hate in her voice “and I want him buried next week”

“Next week? That’s so soon Gwen, I-”

“I don’t want to hear it and you are not touching the body”

“He’s my husband” I debated “I deserve every right to-”

“You are not legally married, just engaged meaning that I make the decisions and I don’t want you speaking at the service” Before I could say anymore she hung up on me and I dropped the phone on my bed and buried my face into my arms. Tears were cascading down my face as they burned through my eyes. Everything was yet again my fault, and maybe she was right, he died because I didn’t stop him from leaving. Kayla was right when she said that he left because of me. I didn’t give him the life that he truly wanted and now I would have to live with it for the rest of my life.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hearing the alarm clock go off, I quickly hit the snooze button causing it to fall to the floor. After five more minutes of resting, I slowly sat up, ran my hand through my now medium length hair-that grew over the time Mike was gone, and got off the bed to walk to the bathroom. Today was the day that I find out the sex of the baby; I was excited but yet filled with sadness. I sighed to myself and turned on the water and started brushing my teeth before I went inside the shower so I could freshen up before going.

As I dried myself, I pulled on a pair of maternity jeans and a black and red shirt and slipped on a pair of flats. I looked at the mirror and fixed my curly hair and forced a smile. Breaking my attachment from the mirror, I grabbed my purse and started walking out of the apartment. I fished my keys out of my pocket and unlocked the driver side of the car. I closed the door as I adjusted myself on the seat and stayed silent, feeling the baby move within me. I smiled weakly to myself as I strapped on my seat belt and headed for the clinic.

As I finished the paper work, I handed it to the nurse and sat back down. I grabbed a magazine to keep myself busy but found no comfort in it. My mind kept wondering to the future and how I would get over what was happening to me. I needed Mike and nothing could ever help the fact that he will no longer come back to me. I snapped my head up as I heard my name being called,

“Lyndsey Evans” I stood up and followed the nurse to a room. She placed a new sheet of paper over the bed and gave me instructions, “I’m going to need you to lay down and pull up your shirt and move your pants down a little, okay?” I nodded and did what I was asked to do and then she spoke again “The doctor will be right in” and then walked out.

I stayed in silence as I looked around the room. My heart was the only thing I could hear and I placed my hand over my bare stomach and felt this amazing feeling. I felt sadness for any woman that couldn’t conceive or have lost their children or couldn’t share the magic with their significant other. I told myself that I wasn’t the only one that was going through this and to look on the brighter sides of things but that didn’t comfort me much. The door opened and the nurse that helped me before and a doctor walked in and greeted me with a smile.
“I’m Dr. Mathers” she pulled out the sonogram machine and placed it next to where I was lying and continued to speak “You are here to see the sex of the baby and to see if everything is okay, am I right?”

I nodded “Yes”

“Alright, well lets get started” she took a bottle of jelly and put some on me. I felt chills surge through my body at the coldness of the jelly. She then placed the transducer (the wand) on my stomach and started moving it around. I looked up at the screen to see something so amazing, so…breathtaking. I felt tears prickling through my eyes as I saw the image of a human inside me, I with the help of the man I loved, created something so beautiful and special. The baby’s heartbeat was regular and it amazed me how funny and heartfelt it was to feel something inside you. To be honest it felt like a snake that was slithering around but it was an unexplainable experience. Dr. Mathers looked at me “Ready to know the sex of the baby?” I nodded vigorously and laughed,

“Yes, please”

She took a picture of the image and smiled at me “It’s a boy” My eyes released tears and the nurse printed the pictures and handed them to me. She gave me paper towels to clean myself and then left the room along with the doctor. I sat up and traced the picture with my finger with the tears cascading down my face. I looked up and closed my eyes, “Michael, we’re having a boy”