You've Done Nothing For Me

I’m sitting and listening to a song. Simple, right? Not just a song; one of those songs. You know, one that reminds you of someone you don’t want to think about? A song connected to certain days, certain memories, certain emotions you don’t want to remember—that you don’t want to relive. ‘Savin’ Me’ by Nickelback. I’ll take the advice of my one ex, even though he angers the shit out of me these days… I won’t turn the song off when it comes on and I won’t avoid ever listening to the song again.

I’ll listen to it and I’ll find another person, another memory, another emotion to connect it to, and by doing so, I will get over you. I will give you less power, less room in my head. You don’t deserve so many songs dedicated to you. You don’t deserve to occupy so much of my mind with negative memories. You shouldn’t conjure so much negative emotion. And now, I forbid it. It’s going to stop.

We’re completely different people, and it took me a while to realize that. It took me a while to accept it. I wanted to be alike. I wanted to be so close and connected. I wanted to be understood and understand effortlessly. But you’re not that person. You never were.

We’re different. We have different minds, different motives, different interests, different experiences, different lives. What applies to you doesn’t apply to me. What a song reminds you of… what it means to you… it shouldn’t mean the same to me. I’m not you. I’m not going to be empathetic anymore towards you. The few things we have in common, we comprehend differently. We cope differently. We just don't fit.

You always tried to convince me we had a special connection. We never did. You just knew I wanted it—that I needed it. You tried to simulate it. All you did was hurt me. But this song will no longer hurt me.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t the first time I’ve said this. I’ve tried before to leave you behind. I’ve tried to severe all of these threads. I wasn’t ready. I just wanted to be. You get so old so fast, my dear. You always have. You’re predictable. You know the song by Good Charlotte? Predictable? Yes, well, that song always reminded me of you. And there’s a song by Emilie Autumn, you’ve probably never heard of her. You tend to be a follower. The lyric is, “You’re so easy to read but the book is boring me.”

Tsk, tsk. Yet I always tried… I always stuck around to help you, even when you did nothing for me. Another lyric, “I’ve done everything for you. You’ve done nothing for me.” Rick Springfield.

Perhaps I can make things remind you of me? Are you trying to forget? How hard is it, on a scale of one to ten? Oh, forgive my vindictive tendencies, won’t you, sister?

Are there already things that remind you of me? Songs? Places? Movies? People? What if I were to wish more? Could it be any harder for you? I know you’re not comfortable with admitting what happened to anyone. You briefly skimmed over it with me for your own benefit—so I wouldn’t leave. You knew I was on the verge. But you thought you could keep me. So what if I wish more to haunt you, more to remind you? So what if it hurts you? It can’t possibly hurt as much as you’ve hurt me.

Revenge is sweeter than you ever were… and I don’t even have to do anything. You’ll never even read this, but does it matter?

Misery loves company, and company loves more… but you’ll have to do without me.

Call me ignorant, but you’ve done nothing for me.