Kiss My Knife

I lied in bed thinking about life. A child. I was going to have a child. How amazing it would be to have a perfect little family. If Andrei and I changed the child before the age of three it would be wonderful, I could have a cute little baby forever!

My hands instinctively went towards my abdomen and I could feel it. A tiny bump, it wouldn’t be noticeable to humans, but to me, and probably to Andrei it was proof that there certainly was a child inside of me.

How I wished Andrei would want this child. Would he agree, or would he insist that I got rid of it? If he insisted, I might give in. It was a lie to tell him that I’d leave, I’m not brave or strong enough to live without him in this new world I had been brought into. I looked over at his sleeping form. He wished he was evil and cold hearted, but I suspected that underneath his exterior, he was soft hearted, he was afraid of his emotions as most men are.

I saw Andrei jolt awake and I quickly pretended to be sound asleep. I heard him mutter something inaudible and he ran his hand through my hair, he lay back down. After a few minutes I felt him get up again, he placed his hand on my abdomen, where my sweet baby was, what would he do?

I know it sounds terrible, but I half expected him to try to kill it, but I waited and acted as if I was asleep. At first he just let his hand sit there, then I swear he rubbed my abdomen a bit before laying back down. Perhaps this was his point of realization that he did want to be a father, that he was ready and that this child truly was a blessing. And maybe, thank god if I was right, he was giving up on trying to be some big evil vampire. He was a man just like everyone else, just a man that had to drink blood.

I turned over to face Andrei, who still lay wide awake.

“Can’t sleep?” I asked him, he looked over at me and smiled lazily.

“I had a dream, it woke me up. Why are you awake?” Andrei pulled me into his strong arms, how I loved when he held me.

“I never managed to fall asleep. Until about half an hour ago, I just woke up.” I snuggled into the crook of his arm and he squeezed my shoulder.

“So, this baby…” Andrei said leaving the topic open for me to add to.

“Is hopefully here to stay?” I looked up at him and prayed that my pouty lips were having some sort of effect.

“Evangeline, it’s a child, not a doll. You have to be careful with a child, they’re delicate and we’re so strong.” Andrei looked down into my eyes.

So that’s what was worrying Andrei, he thought he would kill it! What an absurd idea! He and I would be very careful around our own child, we would love it not kill it.

“I know it’s a child. I won’t break it, I’ll love it. With all my heart. I might love it almost as much as I love you.” I tried that line on him. I hoped it would work, it would certainly improve his already swelled ego.

“ I don’t think so. I find children sort of repulsive to be honest.” Andrei admitted to me, and I knew I should be mad at him, but that he would tell me the truth was enough.

“Andrei, it’s completely different with your own child. You love them, you can’t stop yourself from loving them, they’re a part of you.” I circled my finger absentmindedly on his chest.

“Vampires do not love, Evangeline. We are killers, demons, we are truly evil, and I am not an exception.” Andrei said, and he sounded proud when he said it, as if he believed that this was what he was.

“Andrei, you’re nothing like that.” I told him bluntly, and he stared at me with his mouth open. I had clearly burst his little bubble of pride.

“I am one of the most legendary vampires in history! There are books about me! People tremble at my name! Did I mention they write books about me?!” Andrei said, incredulousness in his voice.

“Andrei, books aren’t always true. And you already do love someone, you say ‘I love you’ to me everyday. You are not evil Andrei, you have to admit that.” I broke it to him softly, he looked sad, and maybe a little angry.

“Evangeline, I hurt everyone at one point or another. Do you know why I first talked to you?” Andrei had a glint of anger in his eye, and I couldn’t help but be a bit afraid.

“Because you loved me. You saw and you knew, just like I knew when I saw you!” I prayed that he would say that I was right, but he shook his head.

“I first talked to you because I was going to use you. I’ve done it many times before, if you had read my books you would’ve known this. I seduce a woman into loving me, I take her to bed and during it I stab her with a knife and drink her blood.” He said it simply, but there was definitely a mean undertone to it, I choked back tears.

“Was your intention the entire time to kill me?” I whispered this, I couldn’t talk any louder or my tears would overwhelm me.

“From the start. I was always planning on drinking your blood, I was just debating whether to kill you or make you a vampire, I hadn’t fully made my decision when I did change you.” It stung, it truly stung, right in the center of my heart.

I turned away from him in bed, and my tears fell creating a wet spot on the pillow.

“Now do you believe that I’m not evil? Because I am, and we can never change that about me.” Andrei placed a hand on my waist. I didn’t push him away, but I didn’t turn around to show him my tears either.

“How you could tell me that amazes me. Maybe you’re not the man I thought you were. If you really want to lose me, or get rid of me, please just tell me. It wouldn’t hurt as bad as this does right now.” I sniffled and my voice was shaky, now he knew I was crying.

Andrei drew in a sharp breath and his whole body tensed. He shifted and pulled me into his arms, I stayed rigid.

“I didn’t want to hurt you, I wanted to show you that I am evil towards everything but you, Adelaide and Callum. I will not enjoy having a child, but I will allow you if you really want.” Andrei sighed. Clearly he didn’t like having me upset all of the time.

“Thank you. I really think you will love this child when you see it.” I smiled and kissed him. I was so happy he had given in.

“Don’t take it too far, darling. I might stand it, maybe hold it once, but that’s it.” I laughed at this. If I had my way Andrei would have a lot of bonding time with the baby.

Maybe I would have my perfect little dream family after all. Even though in my dreams we weren’t vampires.