In My Dreams It's Me And You

"So, I have to do some Christmas shopping and I need a girl's opinion. You up for it?"

"Sure," I told Brian quietly. When I saw his hand cupped over his ear in a joking manner, I laughed slightly. "Sure," I said louder.

"See! It's working already," he said as he hopped out of the car when we were in the mall parking lot.

"Something like that. Anyway, what store did you need to hit first?"

"I don't really have to go anywhere first. I just kind of have to look around and then if I find something that I think my dad, brother, or Suzy would like, I'll go get it. How about you? Anywhere you need to go? Any Christmas shopping you need to get done?" he asked as we finally reached the long, open hallways of the mall.

"Nothing, really. If I find something Sean would like, then I'll go get it, but that's about the extent of it," I told him.

"So it's settled. We'll just window shop?" he sort of asked.

"Alright, works for me," I said.
I shoved my hands into the pockets of my hoodie and pulled my hands outward in some attempt to stretch it out more.

"What are you doing?" Brian asked through a laugh.

"Nothing," I said as I felt my face blush crimson.

"Okay then," he drew out.

A little later in the day, as Brian and I walked into Bath and Bodyworks, I picked up a bottle of mango mandarin perfume.

"Ooh, I think I may have to get some of that," he said.

I couldn't stop the look that crossed my face.
Shock, mixed with confusion was the only reaction I had. Why would the head quarterback want fruit scented perfume?

"Not for me, Lina," he said with a genuine smile. "For a girl."

"Oh," I whispered.

I didn't really get any Christmas presents that day. Brian just kept buying, though. Nothing I said could stop him.

After a long day of, what was supposed to be, window shopping, Brian decided that he wanted to find something for lunch.

"So, where do you want to go?" he asked. "There are a few places in here, or we could go somewhere else."

"It's up to you," I told him, speaking a little louder than usual.
His loud, obnoxious, "look at me" ways were starting to, slowly but surely, rub off on me.

"Well, there's Applebee's, Old Chicago, or Lee Ann Chin. You pick." He shot me a smile, kind of looking smug just the same.

"Let's go to Old Chicago, then," I decided.

"Alright, let's go," he smiled at me, putting his arm across my shoulders, dragging me out of the mall and to his truck.

"You do know that you were getting weird looks from everyone, right?" I asked him as we were sitting in his truck.
As soon as I sat down, I pulled my sweatshirt and tshirt away from my stomach so it wasn't so tight against my bulge.

"Who cares?" he asked as he buckled up and put the key in the ignition. "And why the hell are you always doing that?!"

"I was thinking you would care," I whispered. "And I kind of have to do that."

"No, I don't care. And no, you don't have to," he said. "I don't get why you do do it, though."

"See, you wouldn't get it," I told him, giving him a smile that said that's just how it was.

"Well explain," he said as we pulled into the parking lot of Old Chicago, "because I want to understand."

"Because then it won't be so tight against my stomach!" I rushed out, feeling my cheeks burn. "Then I might not look as fat as normal."

He let out a quick breath, "Lina! You've got to stop concentrating on your weight. I know that you worry about it all the time, but when you fuss over it, all it does is attract attention. And frankly, from how you've been acting and what you're telling me, that's exactly what you don't want."

"I," I paused, "um."
I was at a loss for words. No one had ever been so blunt about it before; so frank.

"Yeah, anyway," he said as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Sorry about that. Um, let's go get some lunch."

As if on cue, both of our stomachs started growling.
He looked at me with a smile before he hopped out of his side. I followed suit, but not before letting out a deep breath and trying to relax.

"Table for two?" the maitre d` asked. When Brian nodded, she smiled at him, grabbed two menus, and led us down an aisle. He gave my side a quick jab as we were walking when he noticed me pulling at my sweatshirt again.

"Your server will be right with you."

"So," Brian started as he took his seat across from me. "Are you excited for Christmas to roll around?"

"Um, sort of," I told him, hiding my face behind my menu. "How about you?"

"Yeah, I'm super psyched for it," he laughed. "What are you doing this break?"

"Nothing, really," I said honestly. "Probably going to get my homework out of the way really soon and then hang out with my brother. It's kind of our tradition to hang out together for the whole break. What about you? Any plans?"

"Nothing out of the usual," he told me with a smile. "Probably hanging out with the guys after a fair share of time with the family. I'm thinking of having Christmas thing with some friends. Did you wanna come over? Hang out with all of us?"

The only thoughts that ran through my head were those of fear.
Fear of what his friends would think; fear of meeting anyone else associated with Brian; fear of making an ass out of myself; fear of going outside of my comfort zone.

"Probably not," I told him with a pitiful smile. "But thanks for the offer, though. I mean, I even used to turn down hanging out with my best friend before she moved away just to spend Christmas with Sean. It's the one thing in my life that doesn't, and won't ever, change."

Christmases with Sean were the best because we were just…us. No pressure to be anything but ourselves. We were brother and sister, and we knew each other forwards and backwards. It was the greatest; almost better than having best friends…almost.

"Really?" he asked.

"Really really," I responded as the waitress appeared beside our table.

"Well then, how about you come hang out with my friends and I later tonight?"

"Um, I'm thinking I'll have to turn that one down, as well," I told him quietly. "I'm sorry."

"Hi guys. My name's Jen and I'll be your waitress today," the petite brunette spoke cheerily as she set napkins in front of us. "Can I get you guys anything to start? Maybe some drinks?"

"I'll have a Coke," Brian confirmed.

"I'll have water, thanks," I said meekly.
I always had this thing about ordering stuff when I was at a restaurant- I always felt guilty giving my orders to the waiter or waitress.

"I'll be right back with those," she said before she left to retrieve our drinks.

"Just a water, huh?" he asked, a twinkle in his chocolate eyes.

I was about to answer him when I received a text from my brother.

Hey Lina!
Where are you?
Not causing too much trouble, are you? ;]
<3 Sean

"Sorry about that," I apologized as I set my phone back in my purse. When I looked up again, the drinks were already there. I must have missed Jen walking back over.

"No worries."

Later that day…

"Sean! I'm home," I yelled when I entered our house. I continued my yelling spree in some hopes to let Sean hear, "Sorry I was gone all day! Brian and I went shopping!"

"S'cool," he said as he emerged in the foyer from somewhere off to my right, making me jump fifteen feet in the air. "Chill, Elli."

Nothing good ever came out of that nickname. He used that nickname when both of my parents passed, he used that nickname when it was my fifteenth birthday and my parents were stuck in Colorado due to a snowstorm. That nickname did not have a good connotation. At all.

"Sean, what's wrong?" I asked, panic washing over me, setting in.

"Nothing's wrong, Elli. I just want to talk to you about Christmas this year. Come on, let's go sit in the living room."

"No, Junior. We can talk right here," I told him.
Junior was a nickname that was made for him a few years back. People only used it when he made them pissed off, afraid, or in my case, panicked.

"Elli, well, I was thinking that maybe we could tweak our tradition. I mean, you know that I've been with Lori for a few years now, and well, we're getting really serious, and I was thinking that maybe she could join our tradition."

"Sure, Junior," I sneered. "I mean, we've only had this tradition for 13 years now. Let's just add a new equation to the mix. Hell, maybe I'll go to my friend's party on Christmas instead of being home. Sounds like a great plan to me."

"No, Elli. We've had this plan for three years, now," Sean told me. He was getting just as heated about this argument as I was.

"Wow," I whispered. That was harsh. "You're right, I'm sorry. Our tradition of only family on Christmas meant nothing when mom and dad were around and alive. How silly am I for even thinking such a thought?!"

"Lina, I think you should calm down, babe," Lori said as she walked up behind Sean, resting her bony hands on his broad shoulders.

"Lori, I think you should back off, babe," I mocked her.

"Hey, Celina, cool it!" Sean fired at me. "It's me you're pissed at- not her. I'm the one that brought it up. I don't think she even knows what we're arguing about."

"Well, whatever" I huffed, not having anything better to shoot at him. "I'll be back later tonight."

I walked back through the front door and made sure to slam it behind me.
The one thing that Sean and I decided that we would always keep as just family until both of us were living on our own was our family Christmas tradition. The one thing that he just decided to break.