Secrets Don't Make Friends

“He’s right, you know,” October muttered as she buckled herself in William’s car. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him, so instead she fixed her stare out the window. “I’m not worth it. Why are you wasting your time on me?”

From William’s seat, October sounded so broken and hurt; as if William attempting to talk to her put her in physical pain. As he looked at her, her entire façade dropped and every crack, stitch and fault showed. The anguish and vulnerability that seemed endless in her eyes flashed bright and felt the need to hold her until it all disappeared. Tears from Jason’s abuse slid slowly down her face and William boldly reached a hand over, wiping away her tears.

The contact startled her, causing her to jump and look at William. She suddenly felt bad for saying anything. Worry was etched into every line on William’s face as he opened his mouth to speak. But before he could even get a sound out, October cut him off, worried about what he was going to say.

“Never mind. Let’s just—uh—go out to eat?” October offered, looking back out the window nervously.

Confused, William just scrunched his eyebrows together before nodding and turning in his seat to start the engine. The ride to the local pizzeria was quiet and awkward. October fidgeted nervously in the passengers seat while William mainly kept his eyes on the road, sneaking a peek at the girl beside him every now and then. October’s mind raced wildly, wondering why she would even say anything. Nothing could have made the date more uncomfortable for her.

But she was soon proven wrong as William pulled into an empty parking space in front of Anthony’s Pizzeria. Staring wide-eyed at the neon sign above the entrance, she swallowed back the thick feeling in her throat. October didn’t say anything, but instead shakily unbuckled herself from the car and set an unsteady foot on the pavement below. William noticed her behavior as he too stepped from the car; he saw the color drain from her face when he pulled in. At that minor reaction, he should have suggested they go someplace else, but all he could manage was a pathetic, “Are you alright?”

Startled, October looked at William, trying her best to hide the pain that was obvious in her expression, but her attempt was futile for he had already seen it. She nodded slowly and took a deep breath before pulling herself together enough to walk in the pizza shop, taking slow steps forward. Many looks and questioning glances followed them around the tiny shop. October clung helplessly and pathetically to herself, digging her nails in her arm to distract herself from the unwanted attention. While William ordered their pizza, October immediately drifted to her usual table, sitting in her usual seat with a heavy sigh.

Looking around her once favorite place to eat, memories of laughter, tears and endless dates flooded her mind. Unwillingly, and unnoticed, tears silently slid down October’s face, and when William returned moments later with the steaming pizza and paper plates, it was already too late to try and hide them. Worry immediately coursed William’s body when he saw October crying. Slowly he slid into the booth, watching October wipe her face quickly with a napkin.

The pair remained silent while October picked nervously at her pizza and William watch her with worried eyes. She could feel the heat of his stare burn the side of her face, but she refused to look up into his eyes and face the worry that she knew was settled into a fixed expression, so instead she sighed, slowly opening her mouth to speak.

“Do-do you think we could—um—make a stop before you take me home?” she asked nervously. She heard him stammer slightly before answering.

“Um, I-I-I guess. I-I don’t mind,” he replied, obviously confused by her request.

“Do you think we could go… now?” This time October lifted her head, looking at William with pleading eyes. Normally she wouldn’t ask him of something like that, but after coming to the pizzeria she had a strong urge to make a visit she had been putting off for the past week.

Without a pause, William nodded his head, standing up to throw their trash away. October slid out of her seat, brushing off her pants before telling William she would meet him at the car. She kept her glance on the wall behind his head as he nodded, and October took that as her cue to leave the shop. Taking a right out of the doors, she walked as steadily as she could on the icy sidewalk, being greeted by Ms Abel when she walked through the flower shop doors. Kindly she returned the welcome and walked straight over to the usual flowers, paying for them before walking back to the car that sat idly in the space, with William in the drivers seat, obviously confused. She slid slowly into the passengers seat while whispering, “Barrington Memorial Cemetery.”

William silently nodded before pulling out of the store strip, heading towards the cemetery. October remained quiet through the short ride, holding onto the flowers with a white-knuckled grip as she suddenly began to regret asking William to take her to the cemetery. Her visits were something she has always done along, never with an audience, but as they neared Barrington Memorial, she couldn’t bring herself to tell him never mind, to tell him to drop her off at the gates so she could walk home. But thinking now, she knew that he would never let her walk home by herself; at most he would remain in car in the parking lot while she visited.

Several painfully uncomfortable minutes later, William pulled into the cemetery gates, taking the first available space his eyes landed on. As he cut the engine he cleared his throat nervously, turning to face October. Her eyes were staring straight ahead, zeroed and locked in on the flat headstone that belonged to her friend; no emotion seemed to be present as she stared, barely breathing. He cleared his throat once more, in hopes of getting her attention and when he did he looked her in the eye.

“Do—uh—do y-you want me to go w-with you?” he asked, stammering lightly over his words.

Startled by his question October looked at his innocent and supportive gaze. She began to rethink about letting him go with her; the sincerity and compassion that followed his question nearly shook her to the core, forcing the tears she managed to repress back to her eyes, clouding her vision once more. Licking her lips, she nodded and climbed out of the car, attempting to straighten herself out while waiting for William to follow. It was several minutes before he seemed to gather the courage to walk out of the Ford and by the time he joined October at the front of the car, she had managed to pull herself together. When William appeared awkwardly by her side October immediately reached for his hand, grasping it tight as he squeezed back reassuringly.