Secrets Don't Make Friends

William paused at October’s bedroom door, extremely reluctant to open it and talk to October. He could hear her sniffling, feeling even worse. For a fleeting moment he considered that maybe she was over-reacting. But he immediately dismissed that thought. Between the look on Maria’s face to paling of October’s, he knew this was no small matter. Taking a deep breath he knocked twice before walking in.

The sight before him made his guilt settle and twist in his gut. October was curled up in the corner of her bed, her knees pulled up to her chin, tears streaking her cheeks. At the sound of him entering she glanced up, obviously startled to see William. Quickly wiping her tears she sat up and looked at him expectantly. Words caught in his throat, what was he supposed to say after something like that happened? He licked his lips and sat on the edge of the bed.

“I’m going to assume you want an explanation,” October said, her voice low.

He paused a moment, taking in her full appearance: her eyes were puffy and red, tears leaving shiny trails down her cheeks. Her hair was slightly disheveled where she had been lying down, her eyes were downcast, the pain of whatever she was feeling clearly pooling along her lashes in tears. Reaching out he put a finger under her chin, pulling her face up to look at him. She was hesitant but looked William in the eyes nonetheless.

He gently wiped away her tears. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

October didn’t know what to say. Most people tried to pry and get her to tell them what was wrong; like the therapists her mother sent her to so long ago. The only other person that ever respected her privacy was Audrina. She looked at him trying to find any other reason for why he could be doing this. The only thing she could see was the shame he felt for bringing up her father and the concern her felt towards her.

She sighed and wiped her tears, running a hand through her hair trying to tame the unruly curls. She leaned forward, hesitantly wrapping her arms around William’s torso, laying her head on his chest. She felt him stiffen, then slowly wrap his arms around her shoulders, resting his chin on the top of her head. For once in the several weeks she’d known him, October felt completely comfortable.

She whispered, “Thank you.”

Just sitting in his arms made October feel a little less scared, a little more calm. She knew that most boys in his position would turn this simple, innocent gesture into something more; but here and now, she felt certain William wouldn't try anything. His hand was gently threading through her hair, smoothing out her curls and slowly lulling her to sleep. Through the thin fabric of his shirt, she could feel his heartbeat, slow and steady.

Slowly she could feel William leaning back on the bed, and she readjusted her body, but keeping her head placed gently on his chest; his heartbeat being her personal lullaby. Eventually William's hand dropped from her hair to wrap delicately around her waist; he repositioned himself and rested his head near hers. Just as she was falling into a peaceful sleep, she thought she heard him whisper.

“Anything for you.”

The following Monday was harsh; rough winds beat the windows as ice and snow coated the streets and sidewalks of Hoffman Estates. Around five this morning, the news announced school closing in and around the Chicago area, a blizzard was making its rounds and hit Illinois pretty hard. Since then, October had managed to finish her trig homework she left untouched over the weekend, picked up her bedroom and even cleaned her bathroom, though not quite in that order. Now, it was nine AM, and most of Chicago's teenage population was sleeping, completely ignoring he howling winds that battered their houses.

October took a peek outside. Everything was covered in snow, the view almost blinding her when she cracked the blinds even the tiniest bit. But even through the blinding white, the entire neighborhood looked gorgeous: everything looked clean, innocent and new, as if the snow erased all imperfections letting everyone start over new.

A sudden movement from the corner of her eye caught her attention. Pulling the blinds open further, she recognized the tall frame walking down what would have been the sidewalk, his upper body thick from the winter coat and scarf he wore. When he turned up her walkway, breaking through the layer of ice, October managed to pull herself away from the window and rush downstairs, reaching the door just as he rang the doorbell. She quickly opened the door and ushered him in.

“What are you doing?” October asked, staring incredulously at him.

“Taking off my jacket?” he offered, pulled his winter coat and scarf off, hanging them on the coat rack. She rolled her eyes.

“I meant what are you doing walking in below freezing weather?”

“I wanted to see you.”

October's face flushed at the words, embarrassment and flattery heating her cheeks. She turned so he wouldn't notice, tucking her hair behind her ears.

“So, do you, um, want hot cocoa or something? You look freezing,” she offered.

And he did. His nose was a bright pink from where the scarf didn't completely cover his face. The bottom of his glasses slightly frosted; his hands looked dry and chapped as he rubbed them together. He accepted her offer, following her into the kitchen. He took a place at the bar, leaning on his elbows and watched as October fixed the cocoa.

“Water or milk?” she asked.

“Milk, please.”

October set the pot on the stove and measured out 2 cups of milk. William noted how she was precise and careful with every move she made. The way she measured out the cocoa and stirred the boiling milk, standing with one hand stirring and mixing while the other rest on her hip or ran through her hair. At one point she looked over, her cheeks flushing when she realized he was watching her. She turned off the stove and pulled out two mugs, carefully pouring the steaming drinks.

“Marshmallows?”

“Sure.” she pulled a bag of mini-marshmallows from the pantry and dropped a few in each mug. Finally, she handed him his mug and he took a careful sip. The drink burned the back of his throat.

October watched as William gently blew on his cocoa, cooling it down, before taking a sip. When he looked up, she gave him a soft smile before turning on her heel and walking into the living room. William watched her curiously as she sat on the coffee table, picking up the cable remote and flipping to a soft rock channel; a soft, strumming guitar filled the house. October waved him into the living room; William picked up his mug and took an empty spot on the couch.

“So,” October began, taking a seat next to him. “What brings you over here?” She took a sip of her cocoa.

William shrugged. “It was too quiet at my house. My parents are at work and my sister went over to a friends house.”

“So, you decided to do the same?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

An awkward silence settled between the two, the music conveniently ending which amplified the silence before the next song started. October pulled her legs up on the couch, glancing outside at the falling snow. Winter had always been October's favorite season. Watching the snow fall, evenly coating the street, putting a stop to the normal, daily chaos of speeding cars and honking horns. Winter was always quieter, calmer which put October in a good mood. She must have been smiling because William asked:

“What are you thinking about?”

She turned away from the window and faced William who had a curious expression on his face. She shrugged. “Nothing, really. Snow.”

“Snow?”

She nodded. “I love snow. It's beautiful. It's like... a clean slate for the world. A new beginning.” She looked back outside.

“I thought that's what they said about spring and fall?”

“I guess. But the way I look at it is that the snow just kind of takes away the imperfection and fills in the cracks and faults. Kind of like a do-over, you know?”

“Yeah, but snow melts.”

October looked at him. The look on his face was clear, she knew exactly what he was talking about. But still she asked: “What do you mean?”

“I mean, snow melts. It's temporary. When it's gone, all those imperfections, all those cracks and faults are visible. As if the snow was just a facade, covering the imperfections but not erasing them completely. Because underneath all that snow, the real world sits, beautiful, imperfections and all.”

As he explained, he didn't look away from October. He watched her expression carefully, gauging her reaction. Judging by the look on her face, she knew what he was talking about, but she didn't express it out loud. Instead, she licked her lips and looked him dead in the eye.

“Well, I guess you're right.”