The Only Thing Worse for You Than You Is Me

The napkins on the tabletop fluttered in the gust that rushed through our Steak-N-Shake as he entered. I wasn't ready for this. What had made me think I was ready for this?
He brought with him a thundering pain that thickened the air, making it impossible to fit into my lungs. I remember hoping I would suffocate, begging to die in the warmth of familiarity, in the presence of the only one that mattered. It would be so much more pleasant than hearing the words he was about to say.
He was everything. That was a simple statement of fact. What would I do when everything was gone? It would be so dark and cold. So empty and void....
I watched him take his usual seat across from me, and wave off the waitress that had been trying to take his order. I braced myself for more aching.
"Nathalie."
Throughout all of the 22 years of my life, nothing has hurt me more than hearing my own name spoken into the quiet of that dingy restaurant. Nothing before then and nothing afterward. Even the words that followed were not as painfilled. I had been expecting them.
The emotions that spilled over his one syllable introduction turned razorsharp and cut deeper than anything else he could have possibly said. I knew then, that his thoughts mirrored mine, and I couldn't fathom why he was doing this to himself as well.
"Nat, I can't do this anymore."
I should have collapsed. I could have shown him how painfully he was killing me. He would have stayed. I have to believe he would have.
"I know."
"It's impossible."
"I don't believe that, William. We've met so many other many other musicians..."

"It's not the same." He said firmly, "I can't be loyal. I can't be patient. I can't not be possessive. I'm through with hurting you, and I think it's about time I hurt myself for once."

"You think this isn't hurting me?"

He looked away and I watched the pain in his expression throb. "This life I've chosen, this carreer, it leaves no room for anything but itself. I'm too selfish of a person to be able to make room, and I care enough about you not to try anymore. I've only managed to break you. I've tried so hard and I've done all I can. I have nothing left...and I guess it was just destined to never work...."

I shook my head. "I refuse to believe that."

William nodded, accepting that he would never be able to change my mind. Horror flooded as I realized he was starting to rise from his chair. This was it. I was drowning. My world was splintering apart, sending shards flying deep into my skin. He was standing next to my chair now, and I knew the next word he would say. Seven letters.
"Please, William, please don't say it." I whimpered, staring up at him, pleading.

He nodded again. William never said "goodbye" to me, even when we were together and we'd see each other the next morning. I'd asked him not to because I'd heard it so many times from loved ones as finales to painful fights. I needed this to end with at least a feeble wavering chance at hope.

"I'll see you around, Nat."

"See you..." I replied quietly.
He shuffled out of the restaurant and I let my tears flow freely, knowing that his last words to me had been a lie.