Outta My Head

23rd July 2005
That day was a changing point in my life. Because that was the day I decided to go to this school. I’m explaining the situation, so you can understand my actions later.

“So, Mrs Withers. I’m here to tell you that your daughter has got a scholarship for our school.”
I saw Mr Summers standing in the door talking to Mum. He couldn’t see me, as I was standing in the kitchen and looked out of the window. But somehow I was sure that he knew I was there. I was eager to learn what his mutation was. Perhaps it was something that had to do with the mind too? It was hard to guess something like this.
“Oh. But she didn’t apply for one, did she?”
“No, you can’t apply for a scholarship from our school, Mrs Withers. We go to the students that fit in our program.”
I could hear the stunned thoughts of my mother as he said that. But I also heard, that she was thinking that Charlene got a scholarship. She was hardly ever thinking about me.
“Never heard of something like this. But come in Mr Summers.”
I heard both of them walking into the living room. Now I’d have to concentrate on their thoughts to keep up with the conversation. That wasn’t going to be easy, because I hadn’t got any control over my powers yet. And like promised I just understand very little. Until they called me in.
I felt a little bit awkward as I sat down beside my mother, who shifted uncomfortably in her seat.
“So Carol, you know from which school I am, don’t you?” Mr Summers asked me. We had agreed on what I was going to say and that he was allowed to call me Carol. He offered me to call him Scott, but I somehow couldn’t see him as a person with authority if I’d do that.
“Yes, Mr Summers. Your school is for people like me, who are very sensitive about their environment.” Okay, I had skipped the agreed part. I should’ve said: Yes, Mr Summers. Your school is for gifted youngsters. But I was absolutely positive that this statement wouldn’t have satisfied the curiosity of my mother. So I edited it a bit.
“Not only for those, Carol. But also for gifted Youngsters in general,” he added, with a little sheepish smile on his lips.
I heard my mother gasp. “Gifted youngsters? You mean she’s gifted? In which way?” I could hear it even in her voice that she was just trying to polish up the image of our family by telling everyone who wanted to hear it that her ‘crazy’ daughter truly was gifted, and not mad like everyone thought.
I saw that Mr Summers opened his mouth but I talked before he could even start. I was not going to lie to my mother. “I’m a mutant. This school is for mutants and I am one of them.”
Everyone fell silent at once, it seemed that even the cat stopped moving under the table.
“What?” my mother asked, her voice a little bit broken. This wasn’t a rhetorical question, she had really meant it. But I think her mind just couldn’t grab what I had just said.
“I’m a mind reader. That’s why I’ve been hearing voices since 2001.” It was difficult to talk like that to my mother, I had tried to please her when I had been in the institution and to tell her now that I was everything she hated, that I was someone like my father, a disgusting mutant like she always puts it.
Her expression turned immediately into a scared even disgusted one. “You are a … a mutant? Tell me that this is not true, Carol! I could deal with you mind problems, I could deal with you being an outsider. But I can’t deal with a mutation, why are you doing this to me?” she sobbed.
“Do this to you? It’s not like I decided to be one and it’s nothing I can change. And I don’t have mind problems, it’s my mutation. I’m not crazy!” I almost yelled. How could she still think that I had psychical problems? It was something I was born with and nothing that was caused because of my lifestyle.
“Carol, you must be kidding! No, you can’t be a mutant! This can’t be true!” She teared her hair and looked nervously around.
“Mum, why are you so shocked? You’ve told anyone that I wasn’t worth being your daughter, so why do you care now?”
“Because you’re mine, how can you think I don’t care about you?”
“Because it’s true. Everything you think about is Charlene, how perfect she is and that she is so much better than I. I must know, remember I’m a mind reader. Well I guess we are done with each other.”
That was the last time I’ve seen her since. It’s not exactly bothering me the way it should, but I still sort of miss her, I mean she is still my mother. I have talked to her a few times on the phone, but it always ended in insults. So we quitted calling the other one but I’m not really sorry about it.
So that’s the past, at least the things I have to explain before telling my story. I’ll tell you now: It’s not a story with a happy ending, so if you don’t like stories without it, skip reading right here.
I will reenter my story on the plane with Scott, from Seattle to New York.
“So, what is your gift?” I asked lightly looking at the older man beside me. Well he wasn’t old but he was older than me, so I guess I can write that.
“Oh, you haven’t guessed it yet? Or heard it?” I knew what he meant, but I tried to ignore his thoughts. I didn’t feel good, knowing what he was thinking. It somehow felt wrong, because that wasn’t was I was supposed to hear so I shouldn’t know it. It just was wrong. And I had to learn how to control this, it was starting to get on my nerves.
Scott – as I was calling him now – leaned closer to me and whispered in my ear: “I have lasers in my eyes. That’s why I’m wearing this red visor. And that’s why I’m called Cyclops.”
I stared at him. “Lasers?” I asked in a low voice. “Wow and I thought I was odd.”
He laughed quietly and yawned. “I think I’m going to sleep. You should too. When we land, it’s going to be morning in New York.”
“Well then good midday,” I smirked snatching a magazine. “I don’t know, I’m nervous and probably won’t be able to sleep.”
Scott shrugged and leaned back, while I was staring hypnotized at the magazine. Well I was more listening to the thoughts of the other passengers, because I had heard my name. A female a few rows behind me was thinking about how my ‘boyfriend’ could be attracted to girl this young. I smirked and laughed a bit, that caused Scott to look at me again. “What are you laughing at?”
“You know … sometimes my gift can be pretty useful. I’m listening to others.”
“But not to me?” he checked.
“No, to a woman a few rows behind us. She’s thinking about how you could pick someone as young as me as a girlfriend.”
“And why were you laughing?”
I stared a little perplexed at him. Hadn’t I just explained? “Well I’ve just told it?”
“No, I mean what’s so funny about that?”
“Well, it’s absolutely absurd, isn’t it? I mean technically I could be your daughter.”
“Ah, but I would’ve been 18.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Isn’t that a bit early? I don’t get the youth today. They are so … speedy.”
“Go back to sleep Scott,” I murmured and acted like I was reading the magazine. It was some nonsense about an drugged It-Girl. I never really liked this gossip. Probably because I never really had had time to think about prominent people. Absentmindedly I sighed and plugged my headphones in my iPod. Perhaps some music could calm me down, because I was freaking nervous. Perhaps I shouldn’t move there, I should just search a sweet little flat and be happy and perhaps alone. No, no it was right to move there. I would go mad if I didn’t learn to control my powers.
So I sat there around, waiting for the flight to end. And finally the signs told me to fasten my seatbelt and stop smoking. Well, I wasn’t exactly smoking, but if I did I should stop it.
“Scott, we’re landing,” I said, waking the still snoring Scott. “Scott!” I grabbed his arm and shaked it.
“Uh … Jean. Only two more minutes.”
I stared at him. Jean? Who was that? His girlfriend? A moment later I heard it in his thoughts. She was his wife.
“I’m not Jean, and I can’t give you two minutes, because the plane is landing, and … you know, the seats.”
“What? Oh, yeah.” A moment later he was staring at the screen, where a slow countdown was counting down.
“Did you have a good sleep?” I asked pointing at the pillow, which he had ordered from one of the stewardesses.
“Uhm. Sorta,” he mumbled still a little sleepy. “Crazy dreams, though.”
“Do you mind telling me them?” I asked, more out of nervousness than curiosity.
“Curios?”
“Not really,” I admitted. “Just trying to calm myself.”
“Oh I guess I can tell you that you don’t have to be nervous. But I’m not going to tell you what I dreamt. It’s nothing for kids,” he winked and smirked a bit.
“I shouldn’t have asked then, should I?”
“Nope. Welcome in New York by the way,” he said gesturing at the still scenery on the outside of my window. Obviously we had landed, without me taking any notice of that.
“Thank you. I’m just more nervous than before now,” I grimaced.
“Ah, it’s going to be fine. Everyone is very nice, and you’re not exactly unfriendly.”
“Yeah. Just not very experienced with the human mind.”
“What?” he asked, a little bit confused.
“I mean, I haven’t spoken to anyone outside the institution in two freaking years!” I lost myself, I lost control and that wasn’t good. Because every time I lost control, odd things happened around me. Like the suitcase, which was floating harmlessly over the head of a woman.
“What the hell-“ began Scott, looking at the suitcase.
“Sorry,” I murmured, and while I calmed, the suitcase bumped to the floor again.
“You did that?” he asked, astonished.
“Well … yeah. This things are happening, when … I lose control over myself.”
“Ah … okay. You should’ve told me that. But you know … your powers are much like Jean’s. Perhaps she should teach you in the mansion,” Scott trailed off.
So his wife had powers like mine? I didn’t know if I should find that good or bad, so I decided it was good. I was sure she could help me, because she’d probably knew the problems this mutation could cause.
Still nervous, I got up and grabbed my handbag. I don’t usually take one with me, it was just so that everyone thought I was a normal girl. Now I know, I shouldn’t have pretended that much.