I believe
09
After 12 hours of labour I was holding my baby’s hand in the NICU, he had been ready to come out, but had yet to develop his lungs properly. The doctor assured me he was fine, but it didn’t stop my heart from sitting in my throat, and tears flowing down my cheeks.
I watched him there with breathing tubes down his throat, while Marcus was rubbing my shoulder. He had so much hope in his eyes, I didn’t know what to say to him.
The nurse came in the room and told us we had to return to our room, and it would be a good idea to get some rest. Marcus wheeled me into the room.
“It’s not your fault you know,” he said as he helped me lie in bed. I didn’t say anything he knew that’s what I was thinking, “you did everything you could for him, he’s going to be fine.”
“Are you mad?” I asked in a tiny voice as he wrapped the blanket around me.
“Mad about what?” He was focusing on the blanket.
“About Him being a boy?” I didn’t know what I was talking about, but I did feel guilty.
“No, he’s gorgeous,” Marcus kissed the top of my head, and wanted to say goodbye. I grabbed his hand and for the first time I needed someone.
“Can you...” I was afraid to say what I wanted, I was afraid of being rejected, so many thoughts had passed through my head, that now I was afraid he wanted nothing to do with me.
“Do you need me to get you something?” He asked, unsure of what to do, let go of my hand or stay there. I nodded no, “What can I do?”
“Can you stay here with me tonight?” I finally said it but didn’t look at him, I let go of his hand and was fiddling with my hands.
“Are you sure?” He asked, but I still didn’t look at him, I just nodded. “Ok move over,” he said, I did as I was told he laid down next to me then wrapped his arms around me, one hand playing with my hair and the other intertwined with my hand.
“Have you thought about names?” I asked in a tiny voice, trying to keep my hopes up.
“No, I thought it was going to be a girl,” Marcus said with a laugh. I looked up at him, and he looked down at me. “Let’s get some sleep, we can think about names tomorrow.”
He kissed the top of my head, and I fell asleep listening to the beating of his heart. Tomorrow was another day.
I watched him there with breathing tubes down his throat, while Marcus was rubbing my shoulder. He had so much hope in his eyes, I didn’t know what to say to him.
The nurse came in the room and told us we had to return to our room, and it would be a good idea to get some rest. Marcus wheeled me into the room.
“It’s not your fault you know,” he said as he helped me lie in bed. I didn’t say anything he knew that’s what I was thinking, “you did everything you could for him, he’s going to be fine.”
“Are you mad?” I asked in a tiny voice as he wrapped the blanket around me.
“Mad about what?” He was focusing on the blanket.
“About Him being a boy?” I didn’t know what I was talking about, but I did feel guilty.
“No, he’s gorgeous,” Marcus kissed the top of my head, and wanted to say goodbye. I grabbed his hand and for the first time I needed someone.
“Can you...” I was afraid to say what I wanted, I was afraid of being rejected, so many thoughts had passed through my head, that now I was afraid he wanted nothing to do with me.
“Do you need me to get you something?” He asked, unsure of what to do, let go of my hand or stay there. I nodded no, “What can I do?”
“Can you stay here with me tonight?” I finally said it but didn’t look at him, I let go of his hand and was fiddling with my hands.
“Are you sure?” He asked, but I still didn’t look at him, I just nodded. “Ok move over,” he said, I did as I was told he laid down next to me then wrapped his arms around me, one hand playing with my hair and the other intertwined with my hand.
“Have you thought about names?” I asked in a tiny voice, trying to keep my hopes up.
“No, I thought it was going to be a girl,” Marcus said with a laugh. I looked up at him, and he looked down at me. “Let’s get some sleep, we can think about names tomorrow.”
He kissed the top of my head, and I fell asleep listening to the beating of his heart. Tomorrow was another day.
♠ ♠ ♠
Sorry I've been MIA just trying to get back into writing again.Hope you don't hate me, enjoy.