Finding Her
2. You'r Leaving Home
-Next morning-
I woke to a beautiful sight, Hannah, she had her eyes closed and her breathing was deep, the sun was shinning though the window and I could hear the bird chirping. I sat up and looked at Hannah, I was somehow more confident when she was sleeping, I leant down and kissed her forehead, a smile came on her face and she snuggled into the bed. I must have watched her sleep for hours, when her eyes fluttered open; a smile grew on both of our faces.
"Have you been up for long?" She asked me Sleepily.
"No, just a few minutes," I said with a wide smile on my face, I felt happy, maybe cause I just slept in the same bed with the one I love the most. A few hours had passed again Hannah went to the toilet to get changed and I stayed in the room, I only had the clothes I had on yesterday they smelled a bit, but I had nothing else so I put them on and got ready to leave Hannah in her home for a while, she came back in all changed.
"I'm going to go home now okay?" I said to her, not able to look at her,
"Okay, I'll phone you later make sure everything is okay?" she said to me in her happy voice. I hate having to leave her, I really do, but I have to, Mum would have came home and wondered where the fuck I am, and I might get a beating or whatever. I made my way down stairs and out of tall house. Hannah wasn't rich, oh no, her mum left her for some weird guy, she lives with her dad and soon-to-be step mum, she hates her in way, but has to love her as well, if you get what I mean. She says, she doesn't having much to live for and that there are only two things that she does live for and they're Music and Me, it made me smile a lot when she told me, but I still wanted to cry
I'll never have her, no matter how hard I try,
I got home and to no surprise dad was drunk, I wandered into the living room, and there sat the woman I hate, the one who made me hurt me, the one who did hurt me.
"And where the fuck have you been? You are such a Bitch and shouldn't even be alive, I can't stand seeing you everyday when I get home, all you were was a mistake nothing more, nothing less, a big mistake no one loves you, I can't stand you, so I am making you move, you're going to live with you're Auntie in New Jersey, we agreed for everything last night on the phone," My so called mum yelled at me, I hate her. I started to cry and ran out of the house I just entered a few minutes ago. I didn't know where I was going but wherever I was going, I found my self at the cemetery a few minutes after running away, I sat beside a gravestone that read "Hear lies the daughter of Margaret and George only 2 weeks old," there was flowers and everything, from the colour of everything, she was loved, I wish I was loved, not even my mum and dad love me. I broke down in tears, the fear of everything hit me and then I realised that I was going have to leave Hannah, unless I don't go, but where would I stay instead. I got up, tears running down my face and wandered around the cemetery, I was waiting I didn't know what I was waiting for but what ever it was I wasn't going to leave until it came, I must have wandered the cemetery about 7 times when I saw a shadow running towards me, maybe this was what I was waiting for, but I doubt it, the shadow became more than just that, it was a person, they were still running they got closer and closer and then it started to rain and it wasn’t light either it was really heavy rain, it was pouring down, I saw the face they have been crying, they jumped into my arms and said
"Where the hell have you been I've been worried sick, I phoned you're house and you're mum answered she said something about, you going to New Jersey at 4AM but, I didn't really believe her, I mean you wouldn't really go, and I think you're mum was lying anyway, and I have been out looking for you for 2 hours and then I thought I'll try the cemetery and well you are here and I am here and…" I cut her off by making her let go of me.
"My mum was right, I am going to New Jersey, but I didn't know I was going tonight, so I might as well tell you while I am still here," I said the cemetery is dark, cold and wet, I was soaked to the bone, and crying like never before. She gave am an odd look. "I…I…I'm sorry, I really am I don't even mean to feel this way about you but I do, I do and it hurts most of the time. Every time you smile or laugh or even look at me I almost cry…because I know I will never have you, perfect beautiful you, I…I…I… I love you." She gave me an odd look,
"What, in what way." She asked she was confused.
"In the way I shouldn't, I love you like I shouldn't," I said tears once again. She turned away, I sat down on the cold wet ground, "I love you…I love you… I fucking love you," I said getting louder and louder.
"Stop it," she said turning back around.
"Why? Why should I stop it?" I asked in tears.
"Because…" she paused, "Because I don't love you," she said in a Blanc way and walked away. I felt a sudden pain in my heart, like it just shattered into millions of little pieces, those words hurt me so much, now I was wanting to go, I wanted to start life again, I want to die, the one I love more than ever doesn’t love me back, I sat there in the rain crying the rain dripping off my head; of wet hair.
I walked to the house; that I was going to leave, in only 1 hour. I must have been in the cemetery for longer than I thought, especially after Hannah left, I walked in and went up stairs to the shower room and got a quick shower and got dressed in my clothes which consisted of a green day tee, black chucks and tight ripped jeans, I walked into the bathroom and put on a thin layer of eyeliner and put some grey eye shadow, this made my eyes stand out a little more than my other features. It was four and time for me to leave this house and start a new life, I had called a Taxi to take me to the airport, which was only a few minutes away, I got in the taxi and started my way to the airport, the drive was silent and the only thing the driver said was
"How old are you?"
"13, soon 14, " I answered, this guy was a friend of my mum and me, mostly my mum, we arrived at the airport and I checked in and got everything ready for going to the U.S.A, it was a long flight something like 7 hours, but I didn't really care, the flight was called and I was going on the plane, I found my seat, fastened my seat belt and waited for everything to start.
I woke to a beautiful sight, Hannah, she had her eyes closed and her breathing was deep, the sun was shinning though the window and I could hear the bird chirping. I sat up and looked at Hannah, I was somehow more confident when she was sleeping, I leant down and kissed her forehead, a smile came on her face and she snuggled into the bed. I must have watched her sleep for hours, when her eyes fluttered open; a smile grew on both of our faces.
"Have you been up for long?" She asked me Sleepily.
"No, just a few minutes," I said with a wide smile on my face, I felt happy, maybe cause I just slept in the same bed with the one I love the most. A few hours had passed again Hannah went to the toilet to get changed and I stayed in the room, I only had the clothes I had on yesterday they smelled a bit, but I had nothing else so I put them on and got ready to leave Hannah in her home for a while, she came back in all changed.
"I'm going to go home now okay?" I said to her, not able to look at her,
"Okay, I'll phone you later make sure everything is okay?" she said to me in her happy voice. I hate having to leave her, I really do, but I have to, Mum would have came home and wondered where the fuck I am, and I might get a beating or whatever. I made my way down stairs and out of tall house. Hannah wasn't rich, oh no, her mum left her for some weird guy, she lives with her dad and soon-to-be step mum, she hates her in way, but has to love her as well, if you get what I mean. She says, she doesn't having much to live for and that there are only two things that she does live for and they're Music and Me, it made me smile a lot when she told me, but I still wanted to cry
I'll never have her, no matter how hard I try,
I got home and to no surprise dad was drunk, I wandered into the living room, and there sat the woman I hate, the one who made me hurt me, the one who did hurt me.
"And where the fuck have you been? You are such a Bitch and shouldn't even be alive, I can't stand seeing you everyday when I get home, all you were was a mistake nothing more, nothing less, a big mistake no one loves you, I can't stand you, so I am making you move, you're going to live with you're Auntie in New Jersey, we agreed for everything last night on the phone," My so called mum yelled at me, I hate her. I started to cry and ran out of the house I just entered a few minutes ago. I didn't know where I was going but wherever I was going, I found my self at the cemetery a few minutes after running away, I sat beside a gravestone that read "Hear lies the daughter of Margaret and George only 2 weeks old," there was flowers and everything, from the colour of everything, she was loved, I wish I was loved, not even my mum and dad love me. I broke down in tears, the fear of everything hit me and then I realised that I was going have to leave Hannah, unless I don't go, but where would I stay instead. I got up, tears running down my face and wandered around the cemetery, I was waiting I didn't know what I was waiting for but what ever it was I wasn't going to leave until it came, I must have wandered the cemetery about 7 times when I saw a shadow running towards me, maybe this was what I was waiting for, but I doubt it, the shadow became more than just that, it was a person, they were still running they got closer and closer and then it started to rain and it wasn’t light either it was really heavy rain, it was pouring down, I saw the face they have been crying, they jumped into my arms and said
"Where the hell have you been I've been worried sick, I phoned you're house and you're mum answered she said something about, you going to New Jersey at 4AM but, I didn't really believe her, I mean you wouldn't really go, and I think you're mum was lying anyway, and I have been out looking for you for 2 hours and then I thought I'll try the cemetery and well you are here and I am here and…" I cut her off by making her let go of me.
"My mum was right, I am going to New Jersey, but I didn't know I was going tonight, so I might as well tell you while I am still here," I said the cemetery is dark, cold and wet, I was soaked to the bone, and crying like never before. She gave am an odd look. "I…I…I'm sorry, I really am I don't even mean to feel this way about you but I do, I do and it hurts most of the time. Every time you smile or laugh or even look at me I almost cry…because I know I will never have you, perfect beautiful you, I…I…I… I love you." She gave me an odd look,
"What, in what way." She asked she was confused.
"In the way I shouldn't, I love you like I shouldn't," I said tears once again. She turned away, I sat down on the cold wet ground, "I love you…I love you… I fucking love you," I said getting louder and louder.
"Stop it," she said turning back around.
"Why? Why should I stop it?" I asked in tears.
"Because…" she paused, "Because I don't love you," she said in a Blanc way and walked away. I felt a sudden pain in my heart, like it just shattered into millions of little pieces, those words hurt me so much, now I was wanting to go, I wanted to start life again, I want to die, the one I love more than ever doesn’t love me back, I sat there in the rain crying the rain dripping off my head; of wet hair.
I walked to the house; that I was going to leave, in only 1 hour. I must have been in the cemetery for longer than I thought, especially after Hannah left, I walked in and went up stairs to the shower room and got a quick shower and got dressed in my clothes which consisted of a green day tee, black chucks and tight ripped jeans, I walked into the bathroom and put on a thin layer of eyeliner and put some grey eye shadow, this made my eyes stand out a little more than my other features. It was four and time for me to leave this house and start a new life, I had called a Taxi to take me to the airport, which was only a few minutes away, I got in the taxi and started my way to the airport, the drive was silent and the only thing the driver said was
"How old are you?"
"13, soon 14, " I answered, this guy was a friend of my mum and me, mostly my mum, we arrived at the airport and I checked in and got everything ready for going to the U.S.A, it was a long flight something like 7 hours, but I didn't really care, the flight was called and I was going on the plane, I found my seat, fastened my seat belt and waited for everything to start.