House of Jealous Lovers

It had been a few days since our evening out at the nightclub and things were still weird. Jimmy and I resumed our normal activity and carried on without mentioning the kiss we shared on the dance floor while Zacky continued to torture me with the hold he knew he still had over me. I was completely confused by my emotions that were mainly anger and heartache for him. I knew I still loved Zacky but he was driving me insane with his arrogant games. I wanted to smack him most of the time.

Today was the day of the Rock Sound photo shoot and the boys didn't seem as excited as they have been in the past. I was sure that it had something to do with getting back in the swing of work, since they've been practicing more. Val and I decided that we were going to tag along since we had nothing better to do while Danni got roped into spending time with her sister. She was bummed that she wouldn't get to be there either, since she loved making fun of the models they usually threw at the guys.

Jimmy, Johnny, and I were sitting around the living room, watching Danni get ready for the day while we were waiting for the rest of the guys to pick us up to leave. I was sitting in Jimmy's lap, messing around with my Sidekick while Johnny lounged in the chair.

"London, you're in charge of making sure Johnny keeps his hands to himself," she told me, fixing her hair in the hallway mirror.

"Ha! You're being put on watch!" Jimmy laughed.

"Babe, you don't trust me?" Johnny pouted.

"Of course I trust you hun. It's those skanky models I don't trust," she said with a quick scowl.

"I'll make sure he's on his best behavior," I giggled.

"You're so mean Danni," he said like a five-year old.

"I'm not saying you can't have your fun. You can flirt with the other girls all you want as long as I'm the one you're planning take all that sexual energy out on later," she said, sitting in his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Eww! Over share!" I said, covering my ears with my hands.

"It's bad enough that we're forced to listen to your loud sex noises at night!" Jimmy laughed. "I'm too innocent for that kind of display of behavior!"

"Innocent my ass! We all know what you and London are doing when you're shacked up in her room at night," she winked.

The truth was that Jimmy and I weren't having sex with each other like they thought we were. Normally, we would sit in my room, watching random movies and talking about things concerning Zacky and Morgan. We would wind up just hanging out and falling asleep together. Nothing ever happened.

We never denied their assumptions though. We wanted everyone to believe we were having sex because that's what normal couples in relationships did. We were still trying to keep the illusion of the two of us alive in everyone else's eyes. We just smiled at their comments and said nothing to confirm or deny them. We always alluded that we had sex when we were around everyone but in reality, we rarely touched each other when it was just the two of us.

My phone started ringing, signaling a text from Val.

"We're here."

"Guys, Val's here. Time to go," I said, removing myself from Jimmy's lap.

Jimmy grabbed my hand and led me out of house so Danni and Johnny could have a moment alone before we left. He opened the door to the van, climbing into the very back seat next to Brian. Matt was driving with Val riding shotgun right next to him. Zacky sat in the middle seat slightly turned so his back was resting against the window. Johnny joined us a few moments later, slamming the door shut behind him as Matt pulled away from the house.

I felt Zacky's eyes on Jimmy and me when we first climbed into the car. I didn't say anything to him though. I still felt angry, confused and hurt by his actions at Mercury but still couldn't deny the love I still possessed for him. He was so lucky that I was so forgiving of him but he didn't realize that.

Jimmy played with my hair the entire time, twisting strands with his fingers as I rested my head on his chest. I felt rather content with Jimmy, which was something I was beginning to need more of. Whenever Jimmy and I were apart, I wanted to be closer to him. It was weird that I was so drawn to him but I guess it was because he was the stability I needed at that moment of my life.

"So Brian," I began as he looked at me with those adorable chocolate colored eyes, waiting for me to continue. "Did you ever hook up at the bar?"

"You were right there when I left with her London," he laughed.

"Really?" I asked, slightly confused and drawing a blank.

"Yeah dude, you were so fucking trashed," Johnny laughed.

"Like you were any better," Matt added.

"Ah fuck you Sanders," he chuckled jokingly.

"Man, I can't believe I was that drunk," I giggled.

"Well, you'll get a chance to re-introduce yourself to her. She's going to our movie night next week," he grinned.

"Yay! Synny finally had a girl! My life is now complete!" I cheered happily.

"You life is incomplete because I was single?" he laughed.

"Pretty much, yeah. My mission in life is to make sure you're all paired off and married eventually so I can get drunk and embarrass you on your wedding days. Now that you're all paired off with girls of your choice, my life is now complete," I laughed.

"Well I'm glad cuz not only is your life complete but you've managed to hook up with a very awesome, sexy dude," Val smiled, turning around to face me from her seat.

Zacky seemed to roll his eyes at that statement but said nothing. He seemed annoyed but I had no idea what was wrong. I just shrugged it off and paid no attention to him.

"So you think I'm sexy Val?" Jimmy grinned cockily.

"Val, you know better than to inform them of their good looks! Their egos are already big enough. They don't need to be reminded," I giggled.

"Ah you like it," Jimmy said, kissing my cheek.

"Sometimes it comes in very handy when I need to rain on someone's parade," I replied.

"You're always raining on our parades! Why can't we just have one awesome parade?" Johnny smiled. "I want a parade. I want to make a float of a wine bottle and then ride it through the streets! The entire place will shut down to watch me!"

"You wanna shut the streets of Huntington down to celebrate how much of an alcoholic you are by riding a giant paper machete wine bottle?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"See! That's you, raining all over my fucking sweet ass parade!" he huffed.

"I think we knocked his head one too many times when we used to beat the shit out of him," Matt laughed.

"Seems like it," Zacky said, speaking for the first time in ten minutes.

"Holy shit! He speaks!" Brain laughed, faking astonishment.

"Yeah dude, you've been really quiet lately," Matt said. "What's up?"

"Just haven't had much to say," he shrugged.

The car fell into an awkward silence after that for a few moments until Matt parked the van. We all got out and trudged to the studio where they were having the photo shoot. Jimmy had his arm draped around my shoulders as we walked into the darkened room, seeing a stage set up like a strip joint. I rolled my eyes.

"Strippers, it figures," I thought to myself.

There were a bunch of people running around like chickens with their heads cut off and this young guy wearing a Fedora and smoking a cigarette like his life depended on it who kept yelling at everyone around him. We all felt a little confused by the commotion, wondering what was so dire that everyone was panicking.

"What the hell?" Jimmy muttered.

"It's like pandemonium in this bitch," I replied.

We walked over to the people who were in charge of the shoot who then led us to the photographer, which happened to be the guy in the hat.

"So, one of the models called in sick and we can't find a replacement," one of the AR guys said.

"Can't you just do the shoot without her?" Val questioned.

"That would just throw off the ascetics of the pictures," the photographer grumbled. "This is fucking LA! How hard is it to find one fucking model that's available to work?" he yelled, killing one of the empty tri-pods.

"We're kind of in a bind since Ross is going to England tonight after the shoot and since we can't really reschedule," the AR guy said.

"I'm sure there's someone available," I said. "It's just a matter of calling the right people."

"Wait!" the photographer, Ross, said as he slowly approached Jimmy and me. He looked at me with curious eyes, examining me carefully as I slightly backed away from him and into Jimmy. He was kind of freaking me out. "No need finding another girl! This is the one right here!" he announced.

"Wha?" I questioned dumbly, not fully understanding his motives.

"You're perfect. You have a great facial structure and you're not too conventional looking like the others. We just need to add some makeup and quick extensions and you'll be good to go," he grinned.

"That could work if she gets into hair and makeup now," the AR guy said. "Would you guys mind if she worked with you?" he asked the band.

"Not at all," Matt shrugged.

"I'd love it," Brian winked.

"I can't be a model. I'm not a model. I'm just a girlfriend. I don't know how to model," I replied quickly.

"All you need to do is stand there and look gorgeous," Johnny laughed.

"I have tattoos though," I argued.

"It'll work better that way since you're more similar to this band's style. It'll be a great contrast to the other girls," Ross said excitedly.

"Man, I just can't do it," I said with a loud sigh.

"It's either this or cancel," the AR guy finally.

Everyone was looking to me to make a decision and I didn't like it. I didn't want to be the one that this depended on. I didn't think that coming to the photo shoot would result in this. It was like my worst nightmare but I couldn't very well say no since they were depending on it so they could get the shots done today and on time. My life was against me no matter what I did. It seemed so unfair.

"Ugh! Fuck my life!" I stomped angrily. "Fine! Lead me to wherever I need to go," I said, feeling completely defeated.

The AR guy grabbed my arm and led me forcefully away from the group to the dressing room where the other girls were. They were sitting around in robes and getting their hair and makeup done when I was forced to change out of my clothes and into a robe, being seated in the chair while people began working on me.

For the next hour, I was getting black extensions put in my hair and cut so it would match my style of haircut. Then I had it styled so it was parted off to the side and teased up a bit, making it seem bigger than it actually was while showing off the choppy layers. They applied makeup as well, making my eyes look smoky with grey eye shadow and black liner.

"Alright darling, you're all set. Now you just need to change into your outfit which is on the rack," the makeup artist, Drew, said to me.

"Thanks," I smiled, getting up from the chair.

I walked over to the partition where the clothing rack was and picked up the lack of materials hanging off the hanger. I sighed, knowing I agreed to do this and put on the lingerie. I took my time, feeling uncomfortable with some of the pieces I had to put on but eventually got the hang of it. I found the heels I was supposed to be wearing as well and put them on my feet, instantly growing a few inches taller.

I slipped the robe on over my body and walked towards the door. I poked my head out of the door, still hiding my body behind it and looked for Val. I finally found her near the crazy photographer, signaling her to me quietly. She nodded and walked over to me as I yanked her inside, shutting the door behind me.

"Wow, you're looking sexy right now. What's up?" she laughed.

"I can't go out there like this," I said, hugging my arms around my body tightly.

"Why? What're you wearing?" she asked curiously.

"Well, this is supposed to be a strip club so I'm wearing underwear," I replied.

"Let me see," she requested.

I sighed and opened up my robe, revealing my outfit to a very shocked looking Val. I had on a black and red lacy bra with a pair of black lace booty short with red accent. Over that, I had a black garter belt on that held my black fishnets up around my thighs. Over that, I had a red plaid mini skirt that barely covered my crotch and showed the bottom cheeks of my ass. I felt so utterly exposed in this outfit, unsure if I could really pull this off. I was supposed to look like a stripper but my nerves were eating away at me.

She pulled out her phone and took a picture which made my immediately close up my robe and try and hit her.

"Violence isn't the answer dearest!" she said in a sing-song voice. "I'm so sending that to Danni. She would never believe that outfit was possible for you."

"Crap! I can't do this," I said as I felt my hands start to shake.

"You can. You just need to relax is all," she said reassuringly. "Come on. They wanna start shooting soon," Val said, grabbing my arm and gently pulling me from the room.

I made sure my robe was wrapped securely around my body and walked out of the dressing room, seeing that things had calmed down a bit from the earlier fiasco. The boys were dressed and in their makeup, sitting in chairs and talking with the other models while everyone else finished setting up for the shoot.

I stopped walking and found refuge near one of the back walls, trying to swallow my nerves and be the model they expected me to be. I just didn't feel extremely comfortable parading around in this outfit. Not only did I feel incredibly exposed but I didn't want the boys seeing my body. I always had insecurities about myself and couldn't bear the thought of having to portray someone who made their living by showing it off all the time.

"Hey," Jimmy said cautiously as he approached. "Are you ok?"

"I'm a fucking nervous wreck! I can't do this. I'm gonna fuck up and ruin everything," I replied, shaking out my hands hoping that it would help steady them. I held them out in front of me for a moment, watching them shake. It didn't work. "Fuck!" I muttered loudly, folding my arms over my stomach.

Jimmy walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my neck, holding me so that my back was placed against his chest as I tried to steady my uneven breathing. I felt like I was going to have a panic attack, which seemed silly over something like this. I just couldn't picture myself going out there and posing the way they wanted me to.

I could feel myself trembling against his body as he continued to hold me. I had my hands on his arms, shutting my eyes and trying to picture myself somewhere else. I needed all the distraction I could get at the moment.

"I think I'm drowning; asphyxiated. I wanna break this spell that you've created. You're something beautiful; a contradiction. I wanna play the game. I want the friction. You will be the death of me. Yeah, you will be the death of me," he sang quietly into my ear instantly calming my nervous body with his voice. "Bury it, I won't let you bury it; I won't let you smother it. I won't let you murder it. And our time is running out; and our time is running out. You can't push it underground. You can't stop it screaming out…"

Jimmy continued singing the Muse song quietly as I felt myself relax against him. He swayed our bodies side to side as he sang quietly, rubbing my shoulders with his thumbs. I was surprised that he even knew the words to the song in order to sing it. If there was one thing that always calmed me down, it was listening to Muse. They instantly made me feel more at ease, which is why Jimmy's technique was working perfectly. Jimmy's voice was so soothing, which was completely unexpected since I'm used to hearing him scream rather than sing. It was exactly what I needed.

Jimmy stopped singing eventually, just holding me in his arms until I broke his grasp on me, turning around to face him. He had the most caring look on his face which was making me feel all funny inside. Spending all this time with Jimmy was slightly confusing because I knew our arrangement and made it perfectly clear in the beginning what our intentions where but as we carried this on, I was beginning to wonder if there was more to it than just trying to win back other people. Was there more there under the surface that I hadn't touched on yet?

"How do you know the words to that song?" I asked curiously.

"C'mon Pikachu! I spend enough time with you to know that you're always listening to Muse. I just learned that it's one thing that calms you down when you're upset," he shrugged. "I've learned the words from listening to them all the time with you."

I wrapped my arms around him, resting my head on his chest as he copied my actions. I sighed contently in his arms. I had to admit, being in Jimmy's embrace seemed to do me a world of good when it came to trying to calm me down. I felt a million times better than before knowing that he was here with me.

"Alright! It's time to shoot!" the photographer announced.

I pulled away from Jimmy reluctantly, smiling a little as he kissed my nose.

"Thanks for your help Scarecrow," I said quietly.

"No problem," he smiled, grabbing my hand and leading me towards the group.

"Alright, I need all the boys in the chairs near the stage and girls, robes off!" he announced.

Jimmy and I walked over as he let go of my hand to get to where he needed to be. I made my way on stage with the rest of the girls and noticed they were dressed in something similar to me though it made them look like the typical stripper in Vegas. I knew I wasn't going to look like them and that thought made me a little nervous.

The girls were looking at me curiously as I shifted nervously. I hadn't taken off my robe yet, still unsure of how my nerves could handle it. One of the girls didn't seem very impressed with me but I had a feeling it was because I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing up here. I hadn't modeled. What was I supposed to expect?

"Alright, girls you need to spread out amongst the stage," Ross informed us as we complied. "Alright my dear," he said approaching me. "Robe off. I need to see what I'm working with."

I sighed loudly and slipped the robe off, feeling completely naked in front of everyone. I glanced down to the band and saw the guys staring at me. The person who stood out the most was Zacky, who seemed to be staring at me with desire. I felt a little uncomfortable under his gaze so I looked to Jimmy, seeing that he had a similar look on his face.

"Perfect darling! This was exactly what I was hoping for. You're gonna be the main attraction of the group," Ross said excitedly. "Now, you're going to be paired up with the lead singer," he said, pointing to Matt.

I looked at Val, who shrugged, not caring that I was going to be dancing in front of Matt with little clothing. She actually looked rather amused at the thought, which only made me feel a little more nervous. She wasn't the type to get jealous of other girls, especially when the other girl was me. She knew it was just work.

Ross led me to Matt, who was just smirking at me. I felt myself blushing a bit as Ross explained that I was supposed to give the illusion of a lap dance to Matt. Of all the things I agreed to do for the band, why did this one have to be the most embarrassing?

"You look hot London," Matt said as I stood near him.

"As do you Matty," I laughed, trying to ease my nerves.

"I thought Jimmy was gonna have a heart attack when he saw you take that robe off," he laughed.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, looking at him curiously.

"He looks about ready to give you a jump any minute," he said. "Like he already doesn't get enough of you."

I glanced over my shoulder, looking at Jimmy. He had one of the models in his lap, chatting away as I felt a strange surge of jealousy rush through me. It didn't make any sense to be jealous of Jimmy and some other girl together. Why would I care? We were just friends. We weren't anything more than that except when we were pretending to be in a relationship.

He looked up at me and grinned, winking in my direction as his eyes scanned my exposed body. He looked a little lost in thought when the blonde model he was paired with tried getting his attention. I just turned back around and sighed, unsure of what I was really feeling.

I saw Zacky sitting not too far away from Matt, staring at me with obvious lust in his eyes. I just rolled my eyes, tired of setting myself up for this kind of disappointment. I watched as he started flirting with his model, making sure to keep a watchful eye on me as he did so. Though it still hurt a little to watch him touch her, I found myself not really caring as much that he was flirting with her. It was quite bizarre but I easily looked away.

"Alright! Let's get started!" Ross said. "Alright, girls! Keep it tasteful but sexy. I don't want this looking like some kind of cheap porn," he laughed, grabbing his camera. "Cue the music! Hit the house lights! We're gonna start!"

I heard Depeche Mode begin to play, 'Personal Jesus', which made me smile. I started circling Matt in his chair, trying to think of something to do. Finally I stood in front of him and took a seat on his lap, leaning back a little onto his chest, my fingers tracing down the center of my chest. Matt smirked the entire time, which lessened my nerves.

"I never thought I'd see this side of you," he whispered. "Who knew you could be sexy?"

"Fuck you Matty," I laughed, adjusting myself in his lap.

I turned myself so that I was turned slightly to the side on his lap, bending my left leg up a bit as I caressed his face. He glanced down at my leg, staring with wonder when I felt his fingers tracing the death bat tattoo I had on my inner thigh.

"When did you get that?" he mused.

"I've had it for a while," I shrugged. "Since the first album."

"I've never seen it before," he told me.

"No one has. I've never worn anything to revealing to show it off before," I said.

"I bet that turns Jimmy on even more," he winked.

"Possibly," I grinned.

The shoot continued for another hour, trying different things with giving the guys lap dances to dancing on the stage with them watching. The entire time, I was more at ease since Jimmy calmed me down a bit. Thinking about how he sounded singing Muse made me smile like an idiot. I couldn't help it. It was just so sweet.

Zacky continually watched me dance, unable to tear his pretty green eyes off me. Every time I would have to touch Matt during the shoot he watched the two of us closely, jealously seeming to flash in his intense eyes as. He didn't like it very much when Matt would have to touch me which I found comical. We were just working and Val didn't seem to mind. She was actually begging for copies of the shoot so she could show Danni.

This emotional turmoil between Zacky and me was completely confusing. I didn't understand what was really going through his head when he did hurtful things but then stared at me like he wanted me. Part of me just stopped caring because he was just acting childish but I knew that I was doing the same. Maybe this arrangement with Jimmy needed to end, though the thought of that seemed to hurt as well. I had no idea what was happening.

The photo shoot ended finally and I was allowed to cover up once again. I walked over to Val, who had been looking at the monitors the entire time, watching and looked with her.

"You were fucking hot chica," Val grinned. "This one has to be my favorite of you and Matt," she said, pointing one of the frames out.

It the picture of me sitting across Matt's lap, my leg lifted slightly to show off the tattoo on my inner thigh while I caressed his face. He was smirking that cocky little grin of his while I bit my bottom lip, looking like I was going to pounce on him any minute.

"That's not so bad," I said, looking at the rest of the frames.

In one frame where Matt had his hand at the top of my butt, I noticed Jimmy was looking our direction, glaring at him. He seemed extremely annoyed as I looked at this picture, prompting me to wonder what was really going on. Between Zacky and Jimmy's fluctuating emotions, I felt overwhelmed.

I felt arms wrap around my waist, causing me to look up and see Jimmy behind me, resting his head on my shoulder as we continued looking at the pictures.

"I really like you dressed like this," he whispered. "You look so fucking sexy."

"Aww shucks Scarecrow! You're making me blush!" I said, trying to hide my pink cheeks.

"What? It's true!" he laughed. "I like you this height. You make a nice place to rest," he laughed, pulling me closer to him.

"Well these heels are killing my feet and I feel utterly naked so I'm gonna change back into my clothes now," I said, pulling away from him. "I'll be back," I said, kissing his nose.

I wandered back to the dressing room, happily putting my clothing back on and feeling so much better. I heard a knock on the door as I sat to put on my shoes. I was the only one in there changing since everyone else packed up earlier.

"Come in!" I called out.

The door opened and closed as a pair of feet shuffled forward towards me. I sighed loudly, not even having to look up to know who it is.

"What's up Zack?" I asked, feeling completely drained.

"I just wanted to let you know that you looked really gorgeous today," he muttered.

"Thank you," I smiled. "Anything else on your mind?"

"What's changed between us London?" he asked quietly.

It was strange. I had never really seen Zacky like this before. He seemed so broken and hurt but I couldn't understand it. I was unsure of his motives, since with Zacky, everything was a game. Maybe things had gone too far. I wasn't sure.

"Nothing's changed Zack," I sighed. "We've just hit an awkward patch in our relationship. It happens to the best of relationships."

"I don't like it. I miss the way things used to be," he admitted.

"I know. I miss it too," I said, standing up. "But we'll eventually even out and things will be better. It'll just take time," I said reassuringly, patting the side of his arm.

"This just sucks," he laughed though it possessed no humor.

"I know but things will be better," I smiled. "I promise."

He wrapped his arms around me, giving me a hug that didn't make my heart pound in my chest. This hug actually felt comforting in a completely different way, in the way that a friend should make another friend feel. For once, I didn't feel the need to restrain myself from attacking him. I just hugged back.

I pulled away from him and smiled, offering him a kiss on the cheek. He gave me a small smile in return and left the dressing room. I grabbed my bag and followed behind him to see that he was hitting on the models once again, causing minimal pain to my heart. I still loved him but it wasn't too painful to watch him do these things anymore.

I walked back to Jimmy, wrapping my arms around his waist instantly and feeling the comfort I so desperately yearned for when I was hugging Zacky. Jimmy just smiled and kissed the top of my head, pulling me closer to him. I looked back to Zacky to see him watching me with pain in his eyes. I felt guilty all of a sudden though I didn't know why.

Where my feelings shifting? Why did I have to be so confused about my relationships with people?