House of Jealous Lovers

I woke up the next morning in an incredible pain that I've never experienced before. My head was pounding and my stomach was churning fast. I opened my eyes and immediately regretted it as the sun shone brightly, blinding me and causing more pain to radiate through my skull. My body was completely sore to the touch, which made me wonder what happened last night. Groaning loudly, I just slumped back down into the bed, pulling my blankets over my head.

A sudden realization hit that I wasn't sleeping in the same place that I was last night and that a body was lying next to me on top of the blankets.

Carefully, I peeked out of the blankets to see someone was lying next to me, fully dressed and lightly snoring with his hands thrown over his face to shield the light coming in through the window. I leaned up a bit further, feeling completely dizzy from the movement to see who it could be. I leaned in and saw the unmistakable sideburns and hair that belonged to Jason Berry and instantly felt relief wash through me. When did he get here? Why was he here? I realized that he was the one that put me into bed last night. It made me wonder if Matt was here also.

I lay there for a few minutes; eyes closed and in tremendous pain as the events of yesterday came back to me. Jimmy had been with Morgan. Zacky was available. I was heartbroken. That pretty much summed up the entire situation quickly. I couldn't believe that I had done something incredibly stupid like fall for Jimmy. I knew he wasn't over Morgan yet but I still fell for him because he showed me how wonderful someone could be. He was the one that was there for me when I needed him and I was there for him, out of convenience. Just thinking of Morgan answering the door the way she did made me sick.

I quickly jumped out of bed, rushing into the bathroom just in time to spill my stomach into the porcelain bowl. I leaned over the toilet, hoping to God that to this horrible feeling would end. I never really got to a point where I would be throwing up the next day. I guess I had way too much to drink last night. I felt a hand on my back, slowly rubbing in circles as another hand tried to move the hair from my face as I continued throwing up.

I felt the tears springing to my eyes from the amount of physical and emotional pain I was in now. Part of me wished that I hadn't have woken up today. Another part of me wished that this was all a dream, the last month or so that I was pretending to be with someone was just a silly dream that had been made up. If it was just a dream, it wouldn't hurt this much.

"Shh, it's ok London," I heard Jason say as I grasped onto his arm, sobbing loudly.

"It's not ok Jason! Nothing's fucking ok!" I cried.

"Shh. You just need to get the rest of the alcohol out of your system," he said quietly as he continued to rub my back. "I promise you'll feel better."

"No. I won't," I said, shaking my head and causing more dizziness to hit me. "Oh God," I moaned as I leaned back over the toilet, emptying more of what had been in my stomach.

Jason pulled away from me, moving swiftly around my bathroom. I could hear the faucet running as I heaved once more into the toilet. He kneeled down near me, flushing everything down as I rested lazily on my arms, still crying.

I hadn't been able to stop crying since last night, which was proving to be a new record for me. I hated crying. I hated that Jason was seeing me cry. I didn't like showing other people I was vulnerable. The only person I really felt comfortable shedding tears in front of was Jimmy but now, he was the one that was causing these tears.

Jason leaned me up and against the wall behind me carefully, propping me up against the hamper I never used. He raised the damp washcloth he had in his hand and wiped my mouth for me. I looked up at him, tears staining my flushed cheeks and watched him as he tended to me. He seemed worried as he held the dampened washcloth to my forehead, instantly cooling me a bit. I knew Jason wanted to ask me why I let myself get so bad last night but he wouldn't. He would wait until I was ready to talk about it. He was so much like Jimmy in a way that I couldn't help but be reminded of him and my broken heart as he took care of me.

"Do you wanna get up and brush your teeth?" he asked quietly, gently stroking my hair.

I nodded weakly, sniffling a bit as I wiped my face with my hands. Jason grabbed my arms and pulled me up with him, letting me lean a bit against him since my legs felt weak. I steadied myself and pulled away from him, grabbing my toothbrush from the counter.

Jason gave me some privacy as I brushed my teeth.

After a few moments, I emerged from the bathroom into my empty bedroom. I looked around for Jason but stopped when I could smell the coffee coming from the next room. I lazily wandered down the hall, trying to hold myself together as I made it into the kitchen to see Jason rummaging around. He stopped when he noticed me and rushed to my side, grabbing my arm and leading me to a stool.

"You think you'll be able to keep down some toast?" he asked.

"God no. The sound of food in general makes me feel sick," I said, my stomach churning once again.

"Alright. Coffee?" he asked, holding up an empty mug.

"Yeah, please," I nodded, leaning against the counter.

He set a full mug of coffee in front of me as well as two little pills. I looked up at him and smiled a bit, taking the pills and a sip of coffee. I placed my head in my hands once again and stared at the patterns of black and white marble on the countertops. I still felt as though my head had been bashed repeatedly into a wall but the nausea was dissipating, which proved to be promising.

"So, when did you get here?" I asked quietly, looking up at him.

"Around ten last night. Do you know how easy you make it to break into your house when you forget to lock the door?" he asked with a small smile.

"I'll try to remember that," I replied, shaking my head. "Why'd you come over?"

"Jimmy asked me to. He said that you weren't answering his phone calls and didn't want to see him so he asked if I could check up on you," he replied. I just nodded, not sure of what else to say. "When I got here, you had killed almost the whole bottle and were laughing on the ground near the couch in the living room."

"Really?" I asked, not remembering that.

"I asked you what you were doing and you told me that you wanted to break through the wall like the Kool-Aid man on 'Family Guy' but the couch got in the way," he said through a small laugh.

"That sounds like something I would do," I sighed. "No wonder my entire body's sore and bruised," I laughed to myself a bit.

Jason didn't reply. He just stood there near me with a bowl of cereal held up against his chest as he chewed in silence. I knew he was questioning my intentions but I hoped that we could avoid that conversation. I just wanted to forget everything that had happened and try to move past it. I just wanted to ignore this dull pain I felt in my chest and shrug off any feelings I had for any band member of Avenged Sevenfold.

’God, I could really use a drink right now,' I thought to myself.

I shook the idea from my head and continued staring at the black and white marble on the counters. I sighed, knowing the inevitable was coming. Jason was way too concerned with last night's display to just let it go. He would mention something soon enough.

"It's pretty serious to kill a bottle of Jack by yourself Lon," he said, breaking the long silence between us.

"I know," I nodded, feeling really small all of a sudden.

"You had me worried for a while. You started crying when I mentioned Jimmy's name and wouldn't stop. It took me forever to get you to calm down and get into bed."

"I'm sorry Jas. Really. I didn't mean to actually get so drunk. I just needed not to feel anything for a while."

"Did Jimmy do something to hurt you?" he asked worriedly.

I turned away from him, looking down at my hands that were now resting in my lap and tried to keep my act together. I didn't want to start the crying again. I just wanted for the pain to subside on its own. I wanted to stop caring about him but I couldn't. Looking at Jason, I was reminded of Jimmy in stupid, trivial ways. They were too similar.

"It wasn't his fault," I sighed. "It was mine."

"What do you mean?" he asked with anger evident in his voice.

He was probably thinking the worst but he couldn't even know what the worst was. I knew he was thinking that Jimmy had hit me or something stupid but he didn't. What he did was nothing. He just made his own decision about what he wanted, though there were no disillusions of that from the beginning. I knew that we were in this solely to get the loves of our lives back but now the game had changed.

The heartache I was experiencing now was ten times worse than when I found out about Zacky and Morgan and even then I was upset for Jimmy as well. The thought of anything hurting Jimmy was horrifying to me. Even then, I was more upset of Zacky's betrayal in his friendship with Jimmy than my own pain. I hadn't even thought of Zacky really except when I hoped not to see him last night. The only person I had wanted was the person that I'd given the easy pass to.

So now, as Jason watched me in concern, waiting for some kind of explanation as to why I'm at fault for such pain, I didn't want to tell him. It was silly to begin with and I knew I was playing with fire early on when we entered into this agreement but now, I had been burned with only myself to blame. I had done the unthinkable and fallen for someone who was my partner in crime and couldn't do anything to get him back. Falling in love with Jimmy Sullivan wasn't as amazing as I had once thought it could've been.

"I fell in love with him," I replied, looking up at the kitchen cabinets.

"What're you talking about London?" he asked sounding confused. "We knew that when you guys finally admitted that you were together."

"Jimmy and I weren't really together," I admitted aloud.

"Yes you were. We all saw you," he laughed. "We had been waiting for you both to realize that you were perfect for each other since high school."

"We had hatched this plan to fake a relationship in order to make Zacky and Morgan jealous. Jimmy still loved Morgan and I just wanted to show Zacky what he was missing out on by overlooking me for all these years so I convinced Jimmy that we needed to form a relationship in order to make them jealous so we did. We pretended to be a couple in front of everyone else so that it would seem realistic," I explained emotionlessly, still looking up at the cabinets.

"Whoa, I definitely didn't see that one coming," Jason breathed. "So, then what?"

"Well, Jimmy and I spent more time together and became the couple that everyone thought we were. It was fine though because we knew that nothing would come of it since we were the only ones in on the secret, besides my boss Felix who thought I was insane. We were making Zacky and Morgan jealous while growing closer than we had once been," I continued on without missing a beat. "Then, everything changed when we slept together."

"I was gonna ask about that," he said.

"Before that, everyone just assumed that we were having sex but then, one night we were on our own and there was nothing to provoke it. It just happened and since then, I've felt confused. I still had feelings for Zacky but then there were new ones for Jimmy that didn't make any sense. We only had sex the one time and nothing more after that. We had gone back to our old routine."

"So, you guys were back to how it was before?"

"Not exactly. Well, maybe Jimmy was but I was definitely confused about my feelings. I still am I guess. I mean, I love Zacky but I know now with this pain I'm in that I love Jimmy too. It was just easier to make a choice now because Jimmy's choice was obvious," I replied lowly, looking back down at my hands.

Jason walked over so that he was standing in front of me. He leaned against the counter, folding his arms over his chest and chewed on his bottom lip. I knew Jason wanted to know more but hated to pry for information. He was great like that. He didn't want to know unless someone else wanted him to know and I appreciated that.

Though I liked to know everything about everyone and everything, I still didn't want people prying into my life. I knew it was slightly hypocritical but that's just how it was for me. I just wanted to be able to keep some secrets to myself but know everyone else's. I guess that's why no one really questioned my relationship with Jimmy when it was announced. They just assumed that these feelings for him had been bottled up for so long that it was time I shared it with everyone else. If only they knew what was really going on.

I glanced up at him and caught him staring at me curiously. I looked back down at my twitching hands and sighed deeply. At this point, I had already admitted a number of sins to Jason so there was no point in stopping now. He deserved to know everything.

"I know you want to ask more," I muttered lowly, causing him to snap himself out of his train of thought. "Just go on and ask me what you want to know."

"What exactly do you mean by him choice was obvious?" he questioned bashfully, not liking that he was indeed prying like he thought he was.

"Last night I was supposed to go and see Jimmy since we hadn't really gotten much time together in the last few days. I was really excited to see him too and I wasn't sure why. It just usually felt so good to be around him, you know? He's like one of those positive forces that everyone loves to be around. I just needed to be around him so I went over to his house since he was expecting me anyway. That's when…" I trailed off, biting my wavering bottom lip to stop the tears from flowing once again.

"Go on," Jason nodded.

"Morgan answered the door. I normally wouldn't have cared but the way she looked like she was fucked more ways to Sunday so I instantly thought the worst," I mumbled, taking slow deep breaths.

"God, Jimmy's an idiot," Jason sighed.

"No, it's not his fault," I argued.

"How is it not his fault that he fucked someone else?" Jason asked incredulously.

"He didn't know about my feelings for him. Hell, I didn't even know about them until she answered the door. Besides, this was what we wanted. We were trying to break them up and so we did. Now he's got the one girl he loves and I'm stuck with feelings for my other best friend that will go unrequited once again," I shrugged, feeling a tear slip down. "No biggie."

Jason slowly walked up to me and kneeled down in front of me so I would look at him. He placed gentle hands on my shoulders as I looked up, trying to avoid those kind eyes of his full of sympathy. I was barely holding the tears back, feeling as if I would break any given moment but I fought with all my might to stay strong. There was no use in crying. This was something I had done to myself, no matter how I looked at it.

"Look, Jimmy was a fucking wreck last night when he called. He sounded like he was dead. I didn't really understand it until now but he's probably racked with guilt over this. He loves you London. I know he does," he said, turning my face so I was looking at him. "He knows he's fucked up and now he doesn't know what to do. He didn't mean to hurt you intentionally."

"He didn't though. As I've said, it's my fault for falling for him in the first place. I shouldn't have entered into this stupid plan. It was sure to backfire eventually and here I am, left hurting," I replied.

"You've been falling for him since high school babe. You both have been in love with each other since then but have been too fucking blind to see it. There wasn't anything you could've done about it," he sighed.

"I could've told him that I loved him. I could've admitted something to him other than letting him go," I said, putting my head in my hands again.

"But that doesn't change the fact that he slept with Morgan," he pointed out.

"Please stop reminding me. I'm sick of hearing that she's always the one that guys prefer over me," I sighed frustratingly.

"Not this guy. I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole," he replied in disgust.

"Why am I never someone's first choice? What's so wrong with me?" I questioned, feeling completely self-conscious about myself.

"Hey, look at me," he said softly, placing a hand against my cheek. I looked through my blurred vision and saw him staring at me with nothing but warmth. "There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. You're perfect the way you are and any guy would be lucky for you to give them the time of day, let alone the fucking opportunity to be with them. Zacky and Jimmy were fucking morons for hurting you the way they did and not seeing how amazing you really are," he said, wiping the stray tears with his thumb.

I just broke down, unable to stop myself from sobbing. Hearing Jason tell me something so contradictory to how I was feeling now was painful. There was no way he was right with he had told me. There had to be something wrong with me. I wasn't pretty enough to be Zacky or Jimmy's first choice. I always had to be the second choice; the one they fell back on when they were feeling lonely and needed comfort. The thing that made it worse was that I allowed this same mistake to happen over and over again.

Jason pulled me close to him, wrapping his strong arms around my frail body as I muffled my loud cried into his shoulder. I grasped onto his black shirt tightly as he stroked my hair gently, shushing me the entire time. I hated myself for being so weak in front of Jason or anyone for that matter but I couldn't help it. Nothing had hurt this much since my dad left on graduation day. My biggest fear had always been being alone and I felt more alone now that I had ever felt before.

I continued crying for the next ten minutes until I had nothing left to give. Jason remained still, holding me tightly and attempting to soothe me as best as he could, though I knew this had to be awkward for him. He was more a saint that I thought he was for holding onto a hysterical girl for so long. Most guys I knew would run away from the situation screaming. The only other person that would stay and hold me like this was the one that caused me this pain to begin with.

I pulled away from Jason, furiously wiping my eyes and sniffling a bit. I looked at where my face had been on his shoulder and saw a wet spot on his black shirt. I looked at him and saw his warm eyes watching me carefully, afraid that I was going to have another break down any moment.

"I'm sorry Jas," I murmured quietly. "I didn't mean to start crying like that."

"Seriously Londy, you don't have to apologize. I get it. Those fuckers hurt you and I hate them right now," he said reassuringly.

"Please don't hate them. I don't want anyone knowing what's going on right now," I pleaded.

"It's gonna come out eventually baby girl," he told me knowingly.

"I know that but I just don't want to answer questions today. Could you please just pretend you know nothing about this situation until the shit hits the fan?" I asked, sounding desperate.

"Sure. I'll take this to my grave for now," he said, pretending to lock his lips together.

"Thanks Jason," I replied with a tiny, forced smile.

"It's no problem," he said pulling me into another hug. "Anytime."

We stayed like that for a while until we heard the front door open quickly.

"Hello? London! Are you home?" I heard Danni call from the living room.

"Shit," I muttered, pulling away from Jason. "I look like I've been crying don't I?" I whispered to him.

"Yeah but just blame it on laughter. I mean, I know I'm a comedic genius so just use that excuse and she'll believe you," he grinned.

"Egotistical bastard," I replied, rolling my eyes.

"That's more like the girl I know," he smiled, placing a kiss on my forehead.

I got up from the stool and walked into the living room to see Danni wandering around in her date outfit from last night. Her face was completely lit up with excitement until she saw me standing there near the kitchen. Her smile faded quickly as she examined my face.

"Honey, are you ok? You look like you've been crying," she said worriedly.

'Sometimes I wish she wasn't so observant,' I thought to myself as Jason walked in behind me.

"Just tears from laughing at this guy," I shrugged, gesturing to the brown haired man behind me.

"Oh Jason! Why are you here? Raiding our fridge again?" she winked.

"London and I hung out last night," he replied with a small smile.

"I thought you were going to Jimmy's last night?" she asked, scrunching her face in confusion as she looked my direction.

"Things fell through," I shrugged, feeling a sting as Jimmy's name was brought up.

"Oh, well, I have news!" she said excitedly as her face lit up once again.

"What could that be?" I asked trying to sound as intrigued as I could.

"You're now talking to an engaged woman!" she squealed gleefully, holding up her hand to display the sizable rock on her finger.

"Johnny proposed finally?" Jason asked.

She nodded fervently, "Yes! I was shocked to tell you the truth but he took me out last night and had everything set up. He had the ring placed on top of the piece of cake I ordered for dessert and you know, silly me, didn't even notice it until I took a bite and almost broke my tooth!" she laughed. "When I realized what it was, I nearly fainted. Can you believe it? I'm getting married!" she cheered.

Though I felt so happy for Danni with her engagement, it was hard for me to show it. Her engagement just further reminded me that I was alone now and that no one had wanted me. It reminded me that I wouldn't get something like that in my life. I wouldn't be walking down the aisle with the one person I loved because that person planned on marrying someone else. I knew that because I had seen the ring before so it was only a matter of time before the second engagement happened.

Jason nudged me when I hadn't said anything to Danni's announcement. I snapped myself out of the daze and put on a fake smile, clearing Danni of the confusion she wore on her face as she stared at me.

"That's so great Danni! Congratulations!" I gushed as best as I could as I ran up to her.

I wrapped my arms around her and tried my best to not let the feelings come back. I didn't want to ruin her news. I wanted her to have happiness and not have to go down with my sudden depression. She deserved it.

"London, you have to be my maid of honor! I've already decided that it can't be anyone else but you!" she said quickly as she pulled away.

"Of course. I wouldn't have it any other way," I said with a big, fake smile.

"God, I'm so happy! I don't even know what to do with myself!" she laughed.

"Well, I'm glad that you're making an honest man out of Johnny!" Jason laughed, giving her a hug. "Congratulations."

"Thanks Jas," she smiled. "I'm gonna go shower and then head off to bed. It's not like I got any sleep last night anyway," she winked.

"Night," I called as she walked down the hallway to her bedroom.

Once the door shut I fell to the ground, slumping down on my knees once again as the pain shot through my body. It was obvious I couldn't fake the happiness for too long before breaking down. I hated that I was feeling so shitty when one of my best friends just told me that she was getting married to her high school sweetheart. It didn't seem fair. I didn't even get to enjoy it fully with her because I was so wrapped up in the fact that I was now alone and would never have something like that for myself.

Jason kneeled down next to me, staring at me with concern as I sighed. I looked up at him and gave him the best convincing smile I could.

"I'll be fine," I lied flawlessly.

"You sure?" he questioned skeptically.

I nodded, "Yeah. I'll be ok. I think I'm just gonna head back to bed," I told him, standing up from my spot on the ground. "You should go home too and see that kooky brother of yours."
"Are you sure? I could stay a bit longer if you want me to," he offered.

"No it's fine, really. I just need some time to myself," I told him.

"Well, you know my number if you need me. I'll be here in like ten point six seconds," he grinned.

"I know. Thanks a lot," I smiled. "For everything. You're a great friend."

"I know. It's just my job!" he laughed, hugging me one last time. "Now, make sure you call me for anything but liquor. I don't think I wanna have a repeat of last night where I had to prevent you from running into walls," he chuckled.

"Ugh, don't worry. My stomach is swearing me off the liquor for a while," I said, patting my flat tummy and cringing at the memory of throwing up this morning.

I opened up the door for him, giving him one more forced smile as I felt myself waver a bit. I desperately needed to be in my room and away from everyone else so I could just be left to my misery. I needed to be away from the constant worry and the entire world.

"Well, I'll see you later sweetums," he grinned.

"Yeah, later," I chuckled to humor him.

He turned away from me and headed down the driveway to his car as I shut the door. I sighed loudly and made my way back to my room, wanting to disappear from reality for a bit. I shut the door behind me and leaned against it, shutting my eyes and feeling everything I had been trying to suppress surface once again. My chest felt constricted once again and I found it difficult to breathe without tears threatening to fall. I wouldn't give in though. I refused.

I walked over to my stereo and picked out a different CD, deciding that I couldn't listen to someone as wonderful as Muse when I was feeling this depressed. I didn't want to taint my favorite bad with this tragedy. I found the Brand New mixed CD I made and decided that Jesse Lacey's soft voice singing the melancholic lyrics about lost love would be the exact soothing words to my pain. I stuck it in the player and pressed the 'play' button, hearing 'Jesus Christ' playing loudly through the speakers.

I saw my phone blinking its blue light from the corner of the room and decided to walk over and see what the damage had been. I bent down and retrieved it off the carpet, flipping it open and checking my missed called. I had a few from Jason last night before he decided to break into my house and over fifteen from Jimmy. He had made various calls last night and this morning, leaving countless messages in my voicemail. I just sighed, unsure of what he wanted to talk to me about since causing me such pain and flipped my phone back, setting it to silent. I couldn't talk to him right now, not like this.

I walked over to the bed and plugged the phone into the charger, setting it gently on the nightstand. I unbuttoned my jeans and slid them off, leaving me in a pair of boy shorts. I headed to the closet and found one of Jimmy's shirts, causing me to pause momentarily and hold it up. I brought it closer to me and smelled it, his scent filling my nostrils immediately as I suddenly began to miss him once more.

I set it aside for a second while I changed into a different shirt, also removing my bra so I could sleep comfortably if sleep would come at all. I grabbed Jimmy's shirt and took it off the hanger it was on and wandered back to my messy, unmade bed. I lay down on top of the blankets, curling up on my left side with the shirt clutched tightly in my hands. I held the collar of the shirt up to my face closely, allowing his familiar, comforting scent to fill my senses once again.

This was as good as I was going to get with him. No longer would I have been able to hold him and feel his warmth. The only memories of him that would remain of our better times were within the powers of this plain, simple black t-shirt he had forgotten once.

I eventually wound up sleeping with the shirt tangled in my arms, shedding a few tears as I wanted nothing more than to be in Jimmy's arms once again. I wanted anything that would erase the sudden feeling of loneliness that plagued my existence.