House of Jealous Lovers

I was like a zombie the next few days.

Everyone suspected something was wrong but I never stuck around long enough for them to ask. Danni kept trying to get me to talk to her but I couldn't. I didn't really want to talk to anyone now. I just wanted to be left alone in my misery so I could try and piece together my broken heart. I would spend most of my time in my room, sleeping or just reading books so I wasn't bored. My current choice in literature: Romeo and Juliet. I knew it was a little cliché but I resonated with Mercutio, especially in his famous 'Queen Mab' speech. The whole play just proved my point: love is a bitch.

I had been spending more time at work to distract me. Felix knew everything that had happened and didn't mention it. He already knew that I knew it was an awful idea to begin with and that the only result could be pain on my part. He was convinced that maybe I was too quick to jump to conclusions with what happened with Jimmy and Morgan, saying that in his experience there's always some sort of explanation for what happened. I just told him that he wasn't there to see what had happened.

Jimmy kept calling me over the last few days as well but I didn't answer his calls. There was nothing I could say to him right now and I couldn't pretend with my feelings anymore. It was just too hard to pretend around everyone else that I knew I wouldn't be able to bear doing it around Jimmy when he had found some kind of happiness now. Jason insisted that he's just as miserable as I was but I couldn't see that. He finally got what he wanted and I was stuck in my signature 'just the best friend' role. I didn't even want to think about him. Most of my time had been devoted to ridding thoughts of him from my mind.

Today was no different from the other days. I was lying in bed; reading the same copy of the Shakespearean tragedy I had been working on all weekend and listening to Kill Hannah sing the songs about sucking at being in love. It was exactly what I needed to hear in this moment. It gave me hope to know that I wasn't the only one to experience such pain. Even fictional characters and lyricists felt the way I feel now.

I had just reached the big fight scene of the play where Tybalt and Mercutio were fighting in the town square, just messing around. Oh course, Romeo had taken things a little too seriously in this and Mercutio was stabbed by Tybalt under Romeo's arm. If Romeo hadn't have moved his comical pal, Mercutio wouldn't be screaming at both of them as he died.

"A plague on both your houses!" I read aloud to myself. I placed the book down on my stomach with the section still open where I left off. "God, if only Romeo wasn't so stupid to move him then Mercutio would still be alive and Romeo wouldn't have had to kill Tybalt in revenge," I sighed, shaking my head a bit. "God, I'm talking about these people as if they truly existed. How pathetic am I?"

I put the book on the nightstand and rolled over on my stomach, curling up into my pillow and sighing a bit more as Mat Devine's voice filled my ears with his melancholic angst. I kept hearing the words 'it's raining all the time' and I suddenly wished for dark clouds overhead. At least then the sky would match my mood these days. It actually might be an improvement since I was always a fan of stormy days.

"She hasn't come out of her room for a while now. I'm actually starting to get worried about her," I heard Danni's muffled voice say through the other side of the door.

"I'm sure it's nothing. She's probably just in desperate need of some alone time," I heard Johnny reply.

"I swear, if Baker did anything to upset her, I'm gonna fucking cut his dick off," she nearly growled.

"Ouch babe! I doubt it's anything bad like that," Johnny said as if her were in pain. "Why must you women always fucking threaten our genital region?"

"It gets your attention, doesn't it?" she laughed.

'Do I really need to hear the hallway banter? Can I make an escape out the window again?' I thought to myself as I planned my escape routes.

"Do you think she's still sleeping?" Johnny questioned.

'Shit, they wanna come in my room! Fuck!' I thought as I carefully weighed my options.

It was already too late for me to jump out of the window because opening it would make too much noise. I could always jump into the shower so they wouldn't come in but that guaranteed that they would come back when I finished. I could just fake sleeping again so they wouldn't bother me but there was the risk of Danni attempting to wake me in her evil ways like she always did. I felt stuck.

"I hope she's not," Danni said.

There was a knock on the door and I sighed heavily, figuring it was better to deal with the happy couple rather than continue my avoidance tactics. I sat up a bit so my back was leaning against the wall and my legs were out in front of me, right crossed over the left. I folded my arms over my stomach and shut my eyes, inhaling a much needed deep breath.

"Come in," I replied, slowly opening my eyes and readying my emotions.

The door slowly opened as Danni and Johnny walked into the room. Johnny seemed a little uncomfortable with the intrusion, standing awkwardly at the foot of my bed while Danni flopped herself down on the mattress with me, legs hanging off the edge of the bed as she looked up at me. Both of them seemed to stare at me in wonder while I did my best to keep an emotionless expression. If I remained in my zombie state, there were fewer questions. They didn't need to know that I was feeling upset.

Jason had kept his word about not telling a single thing to anyone. He knew the whole story and mentioned nothing to anyone about, not even to his brother Matthew. I was so glad that he didn't mention anything. It would've only sparked more unnecessary drama that I didn't need. The last thing anyone wanted was Danni running around calling Jimmy a douche bag like she had been doing to Zack.

"Hey London," Johnny smiled shyly.

"Johnny," I nodded, attempting a small smile.

"Dude, there's something definitely not right about you," Danni said as I glanced at her.

"I'm fine," I said, faking the reassurance.

"We just haven't seen you for days. We were starting to wonder if anything's happened that we should know about," Johnny said, stuffing his hands into his jean pockets.

"I've just been feeling a little sick these days. That's all," I shrugged.

"You sure? Did something happen with Jimmy that you're not telling us about?" Danni questioned as I felt my chest constrict a bit at the mention of his name.

"Why do you ask?" I inquired, looking down at my twiddling thumbs.

"He's just as anti-social as you are these days. He seems a bit distracted too when we're at band practice. Shads keeps yelling at him cuz he's always fucking up," Johnny said, scratching the back of his head. "It's so unlike him."

Johnny was right: that didn't sound like the Jimmy Sullivan that we all knew too well. Jimmy was meticulous for his precision drumming during practice. I knew that he didn't take things too seriously but he never missed a beat. He always nailed everything he was supposed to hit. He was more known as the goofball of the group rather than the one that was causing headaches amongst everyone. It almost made me wish I had called him… almost.

"Hmm," I mumbled, knitting my eyebrows in confusion. Should I tell them or should I just continue shutting everyone out? I didn't want to discuss it because I didn't need the conversation that followed. I decided that I would do the next best thing and leave it up to Jimmy. "You should ask him about it."

"Something did happen," Danni stated more than questioned.

"Like I said, you'll have to ask him about it. I'm not sure what there is to say about what happened," I replied honestly.

"Are you ok at least?" Johnny asked.

"Not really but I will be one day," I shrugged.

"Grr! Just fucking tell me what's going on!" Danni snapped.

I shut my eyes and sighed, something that I had been doing a lot these days. I felt a headache building from the pretending. I couldn't fake the nonchalance for long and it was boring into my brain, causing a dull pain in my temples. I massaged my temples in small circles with my fingers, hoping that would help but no avail.

"Look, I have to get ready for work now so if you'll excuse me," I said calmly, standing up from my bed and walking to the closet.

Johnny walked out of the room but Danni remained right where she was, frowning at the back of my head. She wanted me to tell her more. She wanted to be there for me and allow her to help me but the truth was I couldn't be helped. This was something that I needed to deal with on my own and knowing Danni, she wanted to ask millions of questions I was nowhere near ready to discuss. It must have been killing her to not know what was wrong with me. I couldn't blame her though. I would've been just as frustrated if I was in her shoes.

"Can't you just talk to me?" Danni exasperatingly sighed.

"I am talking to you now. This is us, talking," I explained grabbing a pair of jeans from the closet.

"I'm just worried about you Lon. You're so isolated these days that it's making me wonder what's really going on. You haven't really been this way since your dad left," she said, muttering the last statement.

I paused, leaning forward against the frame of the closet, shutting my eyes and trying to calm myself down at the mention of my father. There was another tightening feeling in my chest, causing me to clutch at my shirt right over my heart as I tried to think of something else. I didn't need the mentioning of Jimmy's name or my father's abandonment right now. I just wanted to be left alone.

"It's fine. I just need some time. I wish you could just respect that for now," I said, sounding emotionally drained.

"I'm sorry London. I really am," Danni said. "I didn't mean to mention your dad."

"Don't worry about it," I replied, continuing to dress for work.

"Just tell me that there's nothing I should worry about right now."

"I don't wanna lie to you about that."

"Well, I guess I'll be here when you're ready to talk," she sighed, walking out of my room.

I let out a loud sigh and leaned against the closet again. I hated that I was pushing people away from me but there wasn't any other options. I didn't want to talk about it. I had said everything I wanted to say when I talked to Jason that morning and that was that. I didn't need to repeat myself or hear the same questions over and over again.

I changed into the jeans and into a tight black tank top, hoping that it was revealing enough for the bar. I walked into the bathroom and added some eyeliner on my lids before sighing. I looked like hell, there was no denying that. I hadn't been sleeping well when I managed to fall asleep and it definitely showed in my face. There wasn't anything I could do to improve my look anymore. I just fluffed my hair a bit and walked back into my bedroom.

I grabbed a jacket before flipping the music off. I walked over to the nightstand and grabbed my phone, shoving it in my back pocket and walking to the front room. Danni and Johnny were watching television when they looked at me walk in. I felt a little uncomfortable, knowing they were itching to get more information out of me than I was offering so I hurried over to the table where my keys were and shoved my flats on.

"I'll be home late tonight," I mumbled before rushing out of the door.

I hopped into the car and took off down the street, hearing different music from the radio play loudly, drowning out most of my thoughts. The last thing I wanted to do right now was go to work and try to entice the customers with my body and charm to get them buying drinks. I wasn't even sure if I was supposed to be working or not. I just needed the excuse to get out of the house so even if I wasn't working, I was sure that Felix would find something for me to do.

The drive there was long due to traffic on the 101 to Los Angeles but thoughtless nonetheless. I just turned up the music and kept my mind clear of everything as best as I could. I tried my best not to think about Jimmy or the pain I was in or the fact that I was slowly isolating myself from everyone else. I just needed some time to work out my issues on my own.

While I was stuck in traffic, my mind started wandering and I had a sudden urge to call Jimmy. I had to push past it though, knowing that it would be a bad idea. There was no knowing what would happen if I caved in and actually talked to him but I knew that I couldn't go back to the friend zone so soon. I couldn't make the same mistakes I had made when I was trying to get Zacky's attention. It was just that, I really missed Jimmy. He was the kind of comfort I needed and in this moment, stuck in my frenzied emotions, I needed that familiar comfort desperately.

I finally parked in the alley behind the bar in time for opening to happen. I rushed through the back, dropping off my wallet and phone in Felix's desk for safe keeping and took off my jacket, placing that on the back of his office chair. I could hear the DJ sound checking his equipment up front as I fluffed up my hair once more.

I walked into the club, seeing the bar fully lit and stocked as Randy, one of the other bartenders sat on the stool near Felix. I put on my best smile and walked over to the two, catching their curious eyes.

"London Bridge!" Randy called out, jumping off the stool and hugging me.

"Randy! How're you?" I asked.

"Oh you know, just chillin' like a villain," he grinned.

"You really need to come up with some new lines. Those are so old school," Felix chuckled.

"You would know Daddio! You're the one that's older than dirt in this place!" he argued.

"I'm only thirty-three," he countered.

"Hecka old compared to Londy and I!" Randy said, putting his arm around my shoulders.

"Don't pull me into this argument," I laughed.

"How're you doing London?" Felix asked me seriously.

"I've been a hell of a lot better and I think we all know that," I sighed. "And before you ask, no, nothing new with either Jimmy or Zacky," I said, causing him to close his mouth up.

"Damn, you must be hurting bad then," Randy said.

"It's whatever," I shrugged, trying to play it off.

Felix rolled his eyes to that statement and looked at the time. He then looked donw at his papers and frowned a bit before glancing back up at me with confusion written all over his face.

"You're not working tonight you know," he said.

"Oh fuck me," I griped.

"Gladly," Randy grinned, pulling me closer to him.

"And here I thought that pussy didn't turn you gay boys on," I laughed.

"Well, just me but that's because I'm the odd one of the group," he with a shrug.

"I'll have to pass on the sex this time. Thanks though," I said, patting him on the top of his head.

"You don't know what you're missing," he winked.

"I'm sure I'll regret that decision later," I laughed. I looked back over at Felix and sighed. "I'm really not working today?"

"Not according to my schedule," he told me.

"Do you think I can hang around though? I really don't wanna be at home," I told him hoenstly.

"Shakespeare getting on your nerves already?" Randy laughed.

"How'd you know?" I questioned seriously.

"Boss man might've mentioned a thing or two," he shrugged casually.

I glared at Felix who was just smiling at me sheepishly. I sighed again and slumped my shoulders a bit. The thought of going back home and sitting around in my room with that tragedy and my mopey music was depressing. I needed the distraction and this place was the perfect place to get it, though I didn't really have the energy to flirt with anyone.

Felix seemed to pick up on my mood because he cleared his throat, causing me to look over at him. He ran a hand through his curly hair and smiled at me, standing from his seat.

"Randy and Smith are working the bar tonight so you and I can go into the back and do some inventory," he said, gathering his things.

I knew exactly what he meant by inventory. It was his code for 'talk'. I shook my head, fighting a small smile that was on my lips and decided that even though I didn't want to talk to anyone about anything right now, I didn't want to go home more. I sighed once again, following Felix to the back room as I passed the familiar dark haired man, Smith, along the way.

Felix took a seat at his desk, not minding that my things were there and set his materials on the desk. I took a seat on the stacked cases of Heineken he had in the back and played with my hands. Talking to Felix always felt like I was talking to my father in a way. He was older than me and always trying to understand that there's more to life than what I know since I'm too young to know any better. In a way, I was grateful for these talks I had with him since he was acting as a surrogate father. He was the kind of male influence I needed in my life now since the other took off as soon as I finished high school.

"So, really, how're you doing?" he asked.

"I wasn't lying when I said I have definitely been better," I said, looking down at my hands.

"Why do you keep everything bottled up London? I already know everything about this situation so you can feel free to vent to me if you want," he told me.

"I know and I appreciate that but I really am not ready to talk about it," I mumbled.

"You can't just let it eat away at you like that," he said.

"I know," I nodded.

"Well, the offer still stands. I'm here for you when you need me so don't hesitate to tell me anything," he smiled.

"Thanks," I said, trying to smile but failing.

"It kills me to see you like this. This isn't the same smartass kid I hired five years ago," he told me.

"I know. A lot's changed since then," I sighed.

"Sucks growing up, doesn't it?" he chuckled.

"Majorly sucks," I replied.

"Well, you know what they say," he said.

He didn't say anything after a moment so I looked up to see him studying me. I scrunched my face in confusion and tilted my head to the right, wanting him to continue his phrase to make some kind of philosophical statement about growing older.

"What do they say?" I asked.

"How am I supposed to know? I was hoping you knew!" he laughed.

"God, some all-knowing guru you are," I scoffed playfully.

"I never said I was an all-knowing guru," he retorted.

"You did three years ago at that Christmas party," I smiled.

"I was drunk! There was an excuse for that!" he chuckled.

"Doesn't change the fact that you said that," I said.

"Whatever," he grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. "Let's go do the inventory now."
"I thought you were kidding when you said that," I said incredulously.

"No, I meant it. We can't sit around like lazy bums for the rest of the night. We need something to keep us busy," he laughed.

"Fuck, I hate doing inventory," I muttered.

"It'll be alright. We'll be done before you know it," he grinned, grabbing the clipboard and pen off his desk. "Come on my little tulip. You have counting to do."

"I'm not a tulip," I mumbled under my breath as I stalked past him.

All he did was chuckle at my reaction to his pet name and followed behind me. For the next hour and a half, we were counting and tallying and arranging the next order that needed to happen. It was near eleven and I could hear that it was picking up outside. I was glad that I was in the back with Felix and not out there, working the bar and dealing with the drunken wannabe starlets that thought they were entitled to treat the wait staff like crap. This was so much better than being out there in the world, dealing with all those people.

"Oh London!" I heard Smith's voice sing loudly, breaking my chain of thought.

"Yes?" I questioned, looking up from the papers on the desk.

"There's a really hot guy outside asking for you," he grinned.

I suddenly felt all the color drain from my face as I looked at Smith. I swallowed hard, trying to keep my calm exterior going. My insides, however, were churning overtime. I felt so sick by the sudden mention of someone coming to the bar. There were only a handful of people that knew I was here and I definitely didn't want to see the one that had caused me all this turmoil. I had gotten away from Huntington for the evening so that I wouldn't have to see any familiar faces of my friends. I just didn't want to deal with that whole mess.

"Who is it?" I asked, my voice breaking a bit as my chest constricted once again.

"Um, some guy with black hair and piercings in his lips and nose," he said, using his hands to gesture as he spoke.

I sighed a breath of relief as the color started to return to my face.

'At least it wasn't Jimmy outside,' I thought to myself.

I knew instantly who he was talking about and nodded, telling him I would be out in a minute to see him. I glanced over at Felix, who just shrugged at me and felt my shoulders slump once again.

"I guess I'll be back later," I said, grabbing my jacket off the chair and putting it on.

"Yep. I'll be here all night," he grinned.

I walked out to the main room, hearing the booming music shake the walls as the lights flashed over the dance floor. It was so loud in this place that I could barely keep a straight thought in my head. The place was crowded tonight, though it was still early. I could see a lot of the regulars that frequented the bar and smiled at them, slowly walking towards the bar where Zacky was sitting, nursing a bottle of beer.

He looked good tonight. I was instantly reminded of how long it's been since I've seen him and almost forgot how attractive he really was. He was wearing his signature black Jack Daniels shirt and a pair of black pants. His black locks were tousled a bit and covered his gorgeous green eyes that were staring at the surrounding of the bar. His eyes finally landed on me, catching me in my stare as I snapped myself out of it and walked over to the adorable guitarist.

"Hey London," he called over the music.

"Hi Zacky," I replied. "What're you doing here?"

"Danni called me and told me to come by," he said.

"She must really be desperate if she's calling you," I replied.

"That's what I was thinking when I got the call," he told me. "Can we get out of here and talk since you're not working the bar?"

I nodded and proceeded to walk past him to the front doors. I knew he was following closely behind me as I made my way to the sidewalk, feeling the warm Los Angeles night air hit me. I walked a little farther away from the club before turning around, meeting his curious stare. I stuffed my hands into my jacket pockets and looked away from him into the crowded streets, watching the people pass by. They were all happily walking along, going about their evenings without a care in the world as I suddenly felt envious of them. I wanted to feel like that again rather than numb and alone.

"So," Zacky said, snapping me out of my thoughts once again. "How're you doing?"

"I've seen better times," I replied honestly.

"Yeah, you look like you've been having a rough time," he said, fighting a small smile on his face.

"I'm sorry that not all of us are as blessed with your beautiful features," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes to his last statement.

"You've always been beautiful London. You know that," he said quietly as I blushed a bit.

"Yeah well you've always prided yourself on being the hot left-handed guitarist for a world renowned band," I said. "I'm just London, the small time bartender at Three Wisemen," I shrugged. "The only thing this face is good for is getting the attention of the females that wanna take me home."

"Gee, I wish I had it as easy as you do," he chuckled, leaning against the wall.

"I'm sorry that lesbians don't come up to you and offer their services. I guess my rack is more appealing than yours," I giggled, gesturing to my chest then his.

"Are you telling me that I have boobs?" he questioned in astonishment.

"Man boobs," I corrected. "But it's ok. I'm sure there's someone out there who finds that to be a turn on," I smiled.

He grinned at me in reply, both of us falling into a small silence.

I looked up and saw us standing underneath a flickering street lamp, watching the light dance along the pavement below our feet. It seemed to be threatening a certain impending darkness, reminding me that I was nowhere near finding the light at the end of the tunnel yet. I was still stuck in my sad and lonely state and as soon as Zacky left, I would return to the zombie I had been this entire time.

I found it interesting though, that I felt comfortable around Zacky now to joke with him. There wasn't much awkward tension surrounding him tonight so it reminded me a lot of our times spent together in high school. We would sit around and make fun of each other, laughing at the stupid insults slung back and forth and things would seem perfect. Tonight, I was having no problems trying to pretend that Zacky and I were friends still. I actually enjoyed that he came here to find me. I needed someone who would understand.

"It's been a while since I've seen you," he said, breaking the silence that loomed over us.

"I know. I've been keeping to myself a lot these days," I shrugged.

"I heard," he replied, kicking the dirt on the sidewalk. "I suppose you heard about me and Morgan then?"

"Yep. I heard all about it," I said with a shrug, looking away from him again.

"I'm sorry about Jimmy. I heard what happened," he told me.

I felt that familiar pain in my chest again and squeezed my eyes closed tight, trying to wait for it to subside. This was stupid. Every time someone said his name, this same pain shot through me and made it impossible to breathe. It was getting a little ridiculous but I guess it was one of the consequences of the plan I had devised. Never mess with the fire because someone always gets burned, as my mother used to tell me. The only correction to be made to that statement was that I was the one that always got burned.

Thinking about what Zacky had just said, minus the name of the person causing me grief, my eyes snapped open and I stared at him quizzically. The only person that knew about my situation was Jason and I knew that he didn't tell anyone. How could Zacky have heard what happened if no one else knew about it? Did someone else catch on to what had happened without me knowing about it?

"How can you hear about it when I haven't told anyone?" I asked, my eyes looking at him curiously.

"Jimmy mentioned something about it to me at one of the band practices," he replied. "I was so pissed off at him for doing that to you."

'Though you unknowingly did the same thing to me not too long ago,' I thought to myself.

I shook my head of the thought and looked back to Zacky, seeing the intensity in his green eyes from his statement about the pain that had been caused to me. I guess I felt a little better knowing that someone was angry since I couldn't find it within myself to have any anger towards him. Though Jimmy had caused me so much pain in his actions, there was no reason for anger. The only person I could be angry with was me because I was the catalyst to this whole chain of events. I was the one that told him to go back to her. I let him go.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair and then stuffing my shaky hands back into my pockets. I looked away from Zacky, unable to lie to him when staring into those crystal clear emerald orbs. I turned my attention to the bar across the street.

"It's alright," I lied. "I don't blame him."

"That's bullshit London," he told me. "You know as well as I do that you can't lie to me. I can always tell when you're lying so there's no use in doing it."

I sighed, "Well, what do you want me to say Zacky? I'm not really ready to talk about it right now," I said, trying to avoid this conversation.

"I figured as much. I know you've been hiding in your room with Shakespeare or Jane Austin books to take your mind off things but you need to talk to someone about it soon," he said.

"God, you know me all too well," I sighed.

"Oh course I do. I'm your best friend silly," he chuckled.

I felt the all too familiar sting in my chest at the word 'friend'. Every time Zacky said that I was just his friend, it hurt me but I didn't even know why at this point. I was so hung up on my current heartache over losing Jimmy that I wasn't even thinking about Zacky. Over the last few days, I hadn't even thought of Zacky other than not really wanting to see him in fear of how I would act towards him now that he was up for grabs once again.

Standing in front of him now, I still felt attracted to him. I still wanted to be near him and have that intoxicating smell wash over my body, easing the pain I felt through my situation with Jimmy. I just wanted to forget everything and feel something other than this depression I felt in losing someone that was supposedly my 'boyfriend'. I knew that getting near Zacky, however, would only cause more confusion and heartache for me, seeing as how his use of the word 'friend' still caused a pain to shoot through my heart.

"Seriously London, I'm just worried about you," he said, stepping closer to me. "I know it's gotta be hard right now, especially since you were so happy with Jimmy but you'll get through it. I'm sure that there's a guy out there who will make you happy one day," he told me. "Who knows? Maybe that guy is closer than you think."

'If only it was one of the guys that I had fallen for. That would've been a lot more convenient,' I thought to myself.

I was suddenly enveloped into his familiar arms, feeling them wrap around me tightly. I was caught off guard, my body tensing to the sudden bodily contact but soon relaxing as his familiar aroma hit my senses. I melted into his body, enjoying the feeling of his warm body against mine as I lightly gripped the lower part of his black t-shirt. I rested my head on his shoulder, shutting my eyes and getting the sense of déjà vu as I hugged him.

"I've missed this," I said aloud.

"Me too," he whispered.

We held each other for a while, my heart pounding against my chest as a gust of warm air blew past us. I held him a little closer, not wanting to lose this comfort I had at long last. Though it wasn't exactly the comfort I craved, it would suffice for now.

I started thinking of Jimmy for some odd reason, comparing the two men on their comforting presences. Zacky's approach was completely different from Jimmy's. Zacky's was more familiar to me, since I had been used to the same thing for the eight years I've known him. It was so predictable that I loved the familiarity of it. With Jimmy, it was more like a newfound experience of something totally different. It was more intense in a way, more powerful than what Zacky had provided me with over the years.

I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks again as I suddenly began to miss Jimmy even more. There wouldn't be any more moments like that with him again. He was with Morgan now and I was stuck feeling sorry for myself that this stupid plan of mine had backfired on me.

"Hey," Zacky said softly, pulling away from me a bit to look at me. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing," I replied automatically, shaking my head and wiping the tears away.

"Don't lie to me London," he said firmly. "Is it Jimmy?"

I nodded, feeling really pathetic and small, "I'm sorry. I just miss him so much Zacky."

"I understand," he said, pulling me against him tightly.

"It just hurts so much Zack. I don't want to love him anymore but I can't help it," I said through more tears, holding onto him tightly.

He didn't say anything to that statement. I was actually surprised that I had told him such a thing, especially since I was conflicted in my emotions. There was a part of me that loved Jimmy and missed him a lot but the other part of me craved Zacky. It was very difficult to balance the two. I just wished for a simpler love life than the one I currently had.

Zacky pulled away from me, still holding onto my waist as I sniffled a bit. He reached up with his hand and wiped the tears from my cheeks with his thumb, looking me straight in the eye the entire time. I felt some kind of magnetic force between us, urging the two of us to move closer to each other but I fought it. I couldn't be careless anymore and indulge myself in harmful affections that would only turn into something more disastrous.

"Come on," he smiled, gently clasping my hand into his. "Let's go sit in the car and talk."

I nodded, my breathing beginning to even out as he led me to his car parked in the alley right near mine. I got into the passenger side of the car while he walked around to the driver side. I took a moment to look over my appearance in the mirror and realized I looked awful. I wiped the tear stains away and started fixing my smudged eyeliner on my lower lid.

"You look fine London," he said, suddenly startling me. "You're perfect."

"Says Mr. I Need to Look My Best 24/7," I replied, rolling my eyes.

"How else am I supposed to catch people's attention?" he grinned.

"I guess that's true. The first thing I noticed about you were those pretty green eyes of yours. I was so jealous because I wanted pretty eyes like that," I laughed, remembering the first time I saw Zacky Baker.

"You were jealous of my eyes? London please," he scoffed. "You do realize that you have the most peculiarly gorgeous eyes that I've ever seen, right? Not everyone has violet eyes like that," he said.

"I always thought they were just weird," I shrugged.

"They're a little weird but I can't help but wanna look at them all the time," he told me, causing me to blush a bit.

"Oh you and that Baker charm," I laughed, shaking my head a bit.

"Ugh, please don't start with the Baker thing. I hear enough of that from Danni, you know?"

"Well, she's still pissed off with you so it's gonna stick for a while. You might as well get used to it. Besides, it's your last name so you should like it already."

"But it's my last name. Not my first!"

"Fine, I'll call you Zacky, the whiny baby. Will that make you feel better?"

"Much better than hearing Baker all day long."

"The simplest things make you happy."

"Something I picked up from you not too long ago."

"Why? Because I'm such a damn minimalist?"

"No. You just don't need a lot of stuff to make you happy. It's kept me humble about the things that matter most to me in life."

"Ah, so now you're talking about your guitars," I smiled.

"Of course! What else would I be talking about?" he grinned.

Silence fell over the two of us once again.

I leaned back against the window and sighed, playing with my hands in my lap while Zacky stared at me. I could see him watching me out of the corner of my eye as I watched out the front of his windshield, looking at the different couples walking up and down the strip. They seemed to be so happy with one another and I felt the emptiness inside me return. I looked away, unable to stand it anymore and looked down at my anxious hands.

I was beginning to question if I would ever feel normal again. Would there be a time where I wasn't reminded of how much of a failure I was at finding a decent person to love?

I looked up at Zacky, trying not to show how much pain I was in right now. I quickly glanced at the clock, seeing that it was close to midnight and sighed. I should probably go back into the bar and mope some more. My eyes settled back to Zacky as I bit my lower lip.

"That's a bad habit you have you know," he smiled softly.

"I know. Thanks a lot Mom," I replied rolling my eyes. "I should probably head back into the bar. Felix is usually a mess without me when it comes to handling inventory."

"It's cool. I need to head back anyway. We've got an early rehearsal tomorrow," he shrugged.

I started getting out of the car before stopping myself, hand still on the door handle. I looked back at him to see his curious eyes questioning my actions. I nervously smiled before biting my lower lip again, causing that knowing smirk to form on his face.

"Look," I said quietly, looking down for a moment to regain my thoughts. I looked back up, seeing that I had his full attention now. "Thanks for coming out here tonight. I appreciate it."

"I just wanted to remind you that you're not alone. I know that you're hurting and I hate it. Sometimes I find myself so worried about you that it's hard for me to concentrate on anything else but your happiness. All I want is for my London to return back to normal," he told me.

"It might take some time before that happens Zacky," I sighed.

"I know but I'm here for you until it does. You've done so much for me and now, it's my turn to be your crutch," he smiled.

"You're a great friend," I smiled, forcing the word friend from my mouth.

He looked at me for a moment; hurt flashing in his eyes before the emotion washed away. I wasn't sure what it was that I saw or if I had caused it. I never really knew what was going on when it came to Zacky's emotions. He was like me in a sense, keeping everything bottled up so no one could ask him about it. I wasn't going to ask him about it, seeing as how if he wanted me to know, he would tell me. I shook the questions that were starting to form from my mind.

"Well, you know my number if you need me," he said, sounding as if he forced a bit of it out.

I nodded and got out of the car. I shut the door and stood there for a moment, looking at him through the window and letting out another deep sigh. I still had feelings for him. I couldn't rid myself of the stupid attraction I held for my best friend. I felt angry with myself for ruining everything because of my emotions. I was fighting the desire to declare my love for Zacky by ruining my friendship with Jimmy. Now I was stuck between the two, unsure of how I felt. It was awful.

He started up the car and waved at me. I forced a smile and waved back, turning back towards the door before he drove off. I heard his loud metal music blaring through the closed windows as he left, causing me to glance over my shoulder to catch him turn the corner onto the busy street.

I sighed, walking back into the back of the club and shutting the door behind me, shutting my eyes and trying to force my thoughts from my mind.

"Trouble in the land of boys?" I heard Felix question, his tone slightly amused.

I opened my eyes and saw that he had a small smile on his face. I sighed and shook my head, walking back to the cases of Heineken and taking a seat.

"I hate my life Felix," I told him quietly.

"No you don't," he said, shaking his head. "You just hate that you're hurting and confused but hey, I know for a fact that you're not confused. You just need to listen to your broken heart to know who it is that you really want."

"Problem is, he doesn't want me back," I mumbled.

"Give it time London. Your broken heart will heal and you'll be fine," he told me, standing up from his chair. I felt his arms wrap around me tightly as I shut my eyes, enjoying the feeling from someone who was a lot like a father to me try and offer me comfort. "You'll be happy again. I promise."

I didn't have the heart to argue with him so I just remained silent, clutching onto him and nodding with his statement. Unfortunately, I already knew that this emptiness was a permanent fixture in my life now.