Burning Cities

I was completely on the edge of my seat, feeling the round edge of the stool I sat on press against my thighs. The air around me was tight with the smell of fuel burning from the burners, the flames on low. I watched the one that stood on the counter between Alan and I, who was fiddling with his cellphone, trying to bring its dead battery back to life. The fact that he was even near me after what I had felt in him when he had that talk with Tyler, was putting this tension between us that didn't really exist so much before.

Would Alan make me do that? Would he really put me down and take away the strand of innocence I have left. After what he said last night on the phone, about all the things I've already done for him, like getting rid of my friends, disobeying my parents and even the teachers, I wouldn't be surprised if he expected this of me. Sex. Sex with him will probably make me feel more guilty and insecure of myself, no matter what comforting words Alan can puke out of that lying mouth of his. That's what led me to feel more unsafe and unhappy around him now. I'll be relieved when I was home and alone with myself.

"Would you seriously stop thinking? What has gotten you so deep in thought that when I'm trying to talk to you, you fucking ignore me?" Alan asked me sharply, and I watched his jaw clench tightly. Great, now he's mad at me.

"It really doesn't matter." I whispered, waiting for him to try and force it out of me with physical pain. I can't really endure the pinching and twisting of my wrist when I'm so weak and fragile as it is, and the way he makes me feel only makes it worse.

"Whatever. When your around me, pay attention." His voice was rich with harsh feelings and hidden intentions, like he was trying to hide away the empty and blind desire that was seeping in through my clothes like rain and soaking my entire body with his feelings. The fact that I could tell I meant nothing to him made a knot in my chest form, my stomach becoming uneasy.

"Why do you look so miserable?" He turned to me, letting his elbow rest on the counter, barely three inches away from the flame. I wanted to know if he could feel the warmth of it, but I had closed off from him, because I was to frightened of him to be curious enough.

"Why does it matter?" I retorted, and he scoffed and looked around the room. I followed his eyes, seeing that some people were watching us intently. Waiting for a fight. Waiting for me to have an emotional breakdown. I was deciding which one would embarrass him the most.

"It matters because your my girlfriend." Alan rested his other hand on my knee, and I recoiled away from him as a cold shiver that lacked pleasure ran up my spine. He seemed to have suspected this, and squeezed my knee and darkened his eyes. I saw fury inside of them.

"What's your problem? Your afraid of me?" When he smirked I knew he was enjoying this, right in the middle of class! My breathing became shallow and sweat formed on my brow. Couldn't he just go away?

"Alan..." I whispered, nearly whimpered into his ear, "Please don't do this...please don't do what I can feel you want."

He glared at me with menace, "We'll handle this after class."

Afterwords, I really couldn't stop feeling anxious and scared for myself. After class was lunch and usually Alan forced me to walk home with him, just a block away. The walk was fine besides how touchy feel-y he'd get, by grabbing my ass and all of that, but when we'd get home the safeness I'd feel in public completely disappeared. He'd feed me, but that was the only generous thing he did. Because he felt that, in return for his temporary generosity I should repay him a lifetime service of giving him whatever he wanted. Alan was a master at making me wonder what would happen tomorrow, if he'd go a little bit further then he did before. Just thinking about walking up to his front door made me wonder if I could pull away from his arm and just run in front of moving traffic. Hopefully I'd be hurt enough to stay away from him for a while.

When the bell rang my neck closed up and I was shaking when he laced his fingers with mine and tried to gently lead me through the crowded halls. I'd stare at anyone who passed with a look that I hope said "save me." I knew they wouldn't notice, and even if they did what could they do. No boy here would turn out to be my knight in shining armor, no matter how much I wished he'd just pop up and save me.

The air outside felt so nice and cold against my moist skin that when I'd look down at my hands the would be paper white pale. I was so scared, shaking from the fear that I felt in my entire body. Too bad Alan didn't have the special gift I do, because if he did maybe then he'd stop what he was doing and set me free.

Now that we were outside, Alan didn't hesitate to be a little more rough with me. He heard me whimper when he tugged on my arm when I tried to slow my pace. He was extremely impatient to get me where he wanted inn the confines of his small, dirty, and smelly home where I'd hope he wouldn't rape me. I knew I'd regret not telling anyone of his intentions sooner, not screaming out to cars and trying to pull and pry myself away from him. What made him do these things to me, I wouldn't know, besides the fact that I could see in his eyes he was just as much as a druggie as Tyler and just as much as a pervert as Joe. Probably his only motives.

"Alan." I whimpered, but he just kept tugging me, speeding up his pace as he stomped his feet down against the wet sidewalk. "Please."

But my begging wouldn't help me, even when my eyes burned with tears that threatened to fall. All I could do was look out at the whiteness that covered the ground, objects, and buildings around us. A white landscape. Heaven, in which would lead me to my hell. I couldn't take anymore of this. I wasn't going to let myself be downgraded to some peace of ass, a four month booty call. This has got to stop.

So I pulled myself away from him harder, and a pain surged through my arm and I screeched as I fell down to the ground. He turned around, seething and steaming out of his nose and ears. My bottom lip trembled as I tried to scoot away from him, picking my bottom off the ground and moving with my hands and feet. The melted snow felt good against my palms, easing my fear slightly. Giving me an embrace of confident.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Ella?" He shouted at me. "I want you right here and right now and if you don't want it worse then I can make it, you better get off your ass and come with me now!"

I tried to stand, grabbing onto the chain link fence standing beside us for support as I told him, "No, I will never submit to this any longer. This relationship is pathetic. Your pathetic!"

I sprinted across the street, a horn blowing from a car that swerved past me. I ran as fast as my legs could, as fast as I could push myself, towards the student parking lot that was so close, yet so far away from me. Alan was shouting at me to get back, catching up to me fast. But I couldn't let him catch me. I simply just couldn't.

Feeling the taste of freedom on my tongue I quickly shoved the key into my door and unlocked it, sitting onto the seat and closing my door. With my fist I punched down the lock, and heard it go snap just before Alan had reached my door and was banging on the window, yelling at it like I could hear him. Thankfully I couldn't.

The car came to life, and I put it in reverse, moving it swiftly so that I could back up out of the parking space and drive away without hitting him. I knew I'd regret that I didn't...because I realized once I had entered into lunch time traffic, that I should have.