Yule Shoot Your Eye Out

Patrick eyes fluttered open and he stared into the blackness of his room. Last night had taken a toll on him emotionally. After he had gotten off of the phone with Talia, he was overcome with grief for his fallen friends. He had been so close with both of Alexis’s relatives that had passed in his absence from her life and he cursed himself for not being there for any of the Fishers in their time of need.

His hands wiped across his face, removing the dried residue of the tears that he had fallen asleep to as he sat up. He rubbed his eyes and looked at the alarm clock on his bedside table. He had slept through into the afternoon and it was now almost a quarter to 3.

Standing from the warm embrace of his blankets, he moved across the room and changed into a pair of comfortable pants, deciding that he would keep on the shirt he wore to sleep. He made his way out of the bedroom and went down the hallway. The sound of pots and pans clanking together in the kitchen below filter upward and filled his ears as he stood at the top of the stairs, helping him remember that in two hours he would be picking up Talia for their Christmas Eve date.

He didn’t regret the decision; Alexis would be better off without him there considering how badly she was hurt from his actions the day before. He had screwed up far too many times and he wouldn’t allow himself to hurt her any longer.

He walked down slowly, the voices of his family members starting to overpower the noise from the dishes. He could hear his mother listing off ingredients, something she’d always done for as long as he could remember. Then he caught Alaina’s voice talking to someone—to whom, he had no idea—and he stopped halfway down.

Kevin would be taking care of wrapping the presents upstairs and his mother wasn’t paying attention to any conversation at all. He came to the conclusion that Alexis had to be in the kitchen and decided against going down any longer. He turned and headed back up the stairs.

As he came off the top of them, he heard a door handle jiggling open and looked to see Kevin with a bundle of wrapped presents in his hands. Christmas music was blasting from the stereo inside and cascaded past the barrier as soon as the door had swung open. Patrick was greeted with “Don’t Save It All for Christmas Day” by Clay Aiken and he assumed his brother was listening to the radio. There’d really be no other explanation as to why he would be listening to it.

“How could you wait another minute? A hug is warmer when you're in it, oh baby that's a fact. And saying ‘I love you's’ always better; seasons, reasons, they don't matter, so don't hold back,” his brother sung to himself as he picked up one last package from the floor and placing it on the top of the pile. Maybe Patrick was wrong about it being the radio.

“You need help with that?” Patrick offered. He saw the packages shake before Kevin poked his head around the edge of the boxes.

“Oh, it’s you. Sure. Take the top few—we’re putting them in mom’s room.” Patrick nodded and took a couple of packages, following his brother down the rest of the hallway. “Gotta get you in on some of the work. Did you just wake up?”

“Yeah…” Patrick returned. Kevin opened the door to their mother’s bedroom, a dozen or so wrapped packages already sitting on the ground inside.

“So I assume you haven’t even tried to reconcile yet,” his brother assumed as he placed the boxes he had in his hand down onto the ground.

“I’m not going to,” Patrick’s curt response came as he placed the smaller packages he had in his hands down on the bedside table. Kevin looked at him as if he were crazy.

“You’re just overreacting. You have a bad tendency to do that, you know,” he sighed as he tried to reason with his brother. “This isn’t high school anymore. She’s not going to hold a grudge over something so trivial.”

“You don’t understand,” Patrick said as he tried to exit the room. Kevin moved in front of him quickly to block him from leaving.

“Then help me understand. Start from the beginning instead of giving me snippets that make no sense apart.”

Patrick’s eyes turned up to look into his brother’s determined face. Kevin had always tried to be the problem solver and Patrick always thought it was really annoying.

“I thought Alexis was mad at me back in high school so I avoided her for years. Turns out that she wasn’t upset at all, she was glad that I had said what I did. She even admitted to liking me. When I think that everything’s dandy, Talia goes and throws me a curve ball last night at dinner telling me that she likes me too and then kisses me. I guess Alexis saw because she storms out crying and that’s why she walked home in the snow last night. It wasn’t because I wanted her to or anything, she chose to.”

Kevin’s face seemed a bit enlightened as Patrick revealed the details before returning to quizzical. Patrick rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“God, I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. It’s not going to solve anything…” Patrick muttered as he pushed past his brother. “I have to go get ready for dinner.”

“Why? You don’t need to dress nice or anything. It’s just family,” Kevin said as he turned to watch his brother.

“I’m going to dinner with Talia tonight,” Patrick responded before closing the door to the bathroom. Kevin sighed and ran his fingers through his hair before he closed the door and went back to the room with the presents to continue wrapping.

An hour and a half had passed and Patrick was ready to go. He wore black dress pants, a crisp white button down, and a black skinny tie, topping it off with a black fedora. He had yet to break it to his mother that he wouldn’t be home for Christmas Eve dinner; she always liked to make it a special occasion. Any opportunity that she got to cook large meals for her family she took, going all out with many different entrée choices and sides covering the table.

He moved down the steps cautiously. He had thought he heard Alexis going back to her room while he was in the bathroom, but he was unsure if she had stayed there or returned to the kitchen. When he got to the same point on the stairs that he had the first time, he listened for her voice. The only sounds he heard were those of the cooking pots being put into the dishwasher and his mother humming along to the Christmas tunes coming from the radio on the windowsill.

He sighed to himself. How was he going to tell her? He took the last few steps down the staircase and walked into the kitchen where he saw his mother doing just what he had expected. A smile graced her face and he knew that moments from now it wouldn’t be that way.

“Mom?” Patrick spoke, his voice cracking a bit from nervousness.

“Yes, dear?” she responded, looking over to him after she put the dish tab into the dishwasher.

“I’ve got… uh… I have to tell you something,” he said. His fists were clenched together to the point where his knuckles were burning white.

“If it’s about your dinner plans, I already know,” she said as she closed the dishwasher and pressed a few buttons on the exterior of the metal door. She wiped her hands on the apron she still adorned and looked over at him, her smile still there but not as joyous as it had been before.

“Did Kevin tell you?”

“Yes he did,” she responded with a nod. She moved over to him, her shoes clicking against the linoleum flooring. She reached up and cupped Patrick’s face in her hands. “You do what you feel is necessary… just know that I think you’re making a big mistake.”

“Mom, don’t do that,” he pleaded, his eyebrows crinkling. “I know what I’m doing.”

“I sure hope you do,” she said, but her voice held knowledge that he lacked. He raised an eyebrow, but he knew that she would never tell him anything.

“Bye, mom. I’ll see you later,” he said. He grabbed his coat off of the coat rack by the door, putting it on and stepping outside onto the porch. He closed the door behind him and stared out into the lightly falling snow.

Normally, the sight of a white Christmas would thrill him especially after not having seen one in so many years. But with the overbearing weight of how he had hurt Alexis the night before made all of this seem like a waste.

He shook his head lightly and walked down the front steps, heading towards the car. He got inside and turned it on, pulling out of the drive way. When he was in the street, he looked up to the house. The Christmas lights that he had helped Alexis untangle were placed with care along the edge of the roof and made the house look as if it had come straight out of a magazine. Their joyful colors made it seem as if nothing could possibly wrong inside the walls of that house, but how devious they were. If only his love life had come straight from the advice columns.

He drove off, trying to get the image of her green eyes from his mind. He turned up the radio, hoping that the words of the overplayed Christmas tunes would distract him. The song that he had heard Kevin listening to earlier was playing once more and he looked down at the radio a moment before returning his eyes to the road.

“This song must be popular these days…” he muttered before changing the station. The rest of the car ride, the only thing he could think about was how to get to Talia’s house and then how to get to the restaurant. He let Talia take over the talking, feeling fine just listening to what she had to say. It continued like this in the restaurant—he would nod his head as she explained the events that happened at work the day before—and she didn’t seem to mind. She had always been a talkative one.

“I’m glad you made up your mind,” Talia said before taking a sip from her water glass. She realized that he hadn’t spoken once since he greeted her and helped her into the car and figured she would change the subject to something that he could talk about as well. Patrick broke his eyes away from the floor and smiled at her, nodding a little.

“Yeah. I figured tonight would be a… romantic night to go out for dinner and all,” he responded. Talia’s smile grew wider.

“Was Alexis mad?” she asked. Her voice was a mixture of curious and, Patrick thought he sensed, hopeful. He looked at her and saw the confident gleam in her eyes and knew that what Alexis had told him yesterday before she left the restaurant. His heart clenched inside of his chest as he thought of the girl that would be sitting down with his family right now in the chair that he usually sat in.

Would she be glad that he wasn’t there? Did the sight of him bring her heartache? If so, he’d spare her and stay out as long as he needed to.

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen her since last night.”

“Isn’t she staying with you?”

“Yeah, but she’s not talking to me.”

“So she was mad,” Talia confirmed with a small smile. He thought he could hear her mutter ‘good’ underneath of her breath, but he wasn’t completely sure. She picked up her fork and stabbed into a tree of broccoli that sat on her plate. “When is she leaving?”

“I think she has a flight out of here tomorrow morning,” he said. He prayed that she wouldn’t continue to talk about her any longer. He had hurt her so much already, just like he had before, and he didn’t need any help piling on the guilt.

“Are you going with her?”

“No.”

“So, does that mean that we can go out again tomorrow evening?” Talia questioned, her red eyebrows arching in a curious manner.

“I don’t know.” Patrick thought momentarily. “Mom really likes having the family together on Christmas.

“That’s okay,” she said with a smile. “Maybe I could swing by and say hi.”

Patrick nodded a bit when the music being played over the speakers in the restaurant caught his ear. They had been playing a Christmas station to get everyone into the holiday spirit and playing was that same song from earlier.

“This song is following me tonight,” he muttered. Talia looked a little confused, but ignored it.

“You’ll call me when she’s gone, right? From what you said, she doesn’t seem to be too happy with me.”

Patrick ignored her as he listened to the words of the song. Though he wasn’t a fan of Clay Aiken, the words in the song began to really sink in. He thought of his family sitting down to dinner around the dining room table and there being that one empty space—his place—right next to Alexis. He could see her vacant smile as she passed around the dishes and chatted with everyone, her green eyes glancing every now and then to the seat and wishing that the person who usually occupied it would be there.

“I’m such an idiot…” he muttered. He grabbed his wallet out of his pocket and placed $100 onto the table. Talia watched him and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’ve got to go.”

“But we practically just started,” she said, her voice showing that she was slightly agitated.

“I know, and I’m sorry. But I have to do something that I should have done a long time ago,” he said. He put on his jacket and stood up, heading towards the front door and moving as quickly as he could without knocking anyone over.

He ran to the car, though not the smartest idea considering the snow covered the roads and made them slippery. He managed to make it and drove back towards the house. He looked at the clock on the dashboard and saw that it was almost 6:30, about the time that his family would sit down to eat every year. He was so close that adrenaline began pumping through his veins and he could have sworn he felt his heart pounding against his ribs.

He pulled into the driveway just as the half hour mark hit. Pulling the keys from the ignition, he rushed up to the front door and swung it open. The commotion that was once occurring paused and curious murmuring began. Patrick shut the door quickly and moved to the dining room where, just as he had thought, the group was sitting down to eat.

All eyes were on him as he came into the room, but he only cared about one pair. He looked directly into Alexis’s eyes as she stood from her seat slowly.

“You came back…” she muttered, trying to keep her voice from cracking. Her eyes sparkled with the remnants of prior tears and he felt like such a jerk. He moved around the table to where she was, his eyes never leaving her for a moment.

“Yeah,” he started, his lips curling upward into a small smile. He reached down and took a hold of her cold hands and grasped them into his own. “Look, I’ve been an idiot. A jerk, a—”

“I think the word ‘dumbass’ covers it all,” Kevin spoke up from across the table, receiving a smack on the arm from Alaina.

“I’ve been dumbass and I am so sorry. I realized that… not being here would only hurt you more and I don’t want to do that.” He squeezed her hands lightly, looking at her with a hopeful gaze. “Can you forgive me?”

He watched Alexis for a few moments. She looked back at him, still awestruck at the fact that he had actually come back. Her eyes covered with a layer of salty tears as her lips showed him what her answer would be.

“Of course.”

A weight had been lifted off of his shoulders and he finally let the grin that he wanted to show off so badly fill his face. He was about to speak again when she leaned in, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her lips against his in a gentle kiss. He inhaled sharply, but melted in to it, his arms wrapping around her waist and returning the kiss with all the passion he could muster.

Granting his niece and nephew’s wishes to “stop being icky,” Patrick pulled out of the kiss. He was greeted by the sweet smile on Alexis’s freckled face and he couldn’t help but smile himself.

“Thank you…” she whispered to him.

“For?” he asked quietly.

“Choosing me,” she replied. She pulled her arms down from around his neck as he removed his arms from her waist. His right hand immediately caught her left and he squeezed it lightly once more.

“I would be nothing short of an idiot if I didn’t. You’re incredible.” Both smiled before they heard the noise of someone clearing their throat. Patrick looked over to see his mother smiling at them.

“Now that that’s settled,” she began as she stood from her seat. “Dinner is served.”