My Version of Hell Was Much Funnier

Sim stretched her body stomach down over the new deep purple couch recently liberated from Dr. Kats’ room while Squid laid himself over the one and a half person love seat. His feet twitched with the beat of unheard music as he’d bob his head, drumming his hands over his thighs and mouthing a guitar riff. Sim watched with amusement, her fingers fumbling before her face with a plastic candy wrapper.

Biggy sat at the table behind them, puffing on a thick brown cigar, painting the air with its sickly sweet aroma as the smoke would bounce in the air. His hands stretched themselves over the Gotham’s newest news paper, and he’d mumble small side notes to himself, occasionally sharing a laugh with the other occupants of the room at something he found absurd.

Casey sat in the far corner at a small one person desk, sweating as he rushed to make some sort of device for The Joker; an offering to show he was worth his time. Sim didn’t really feel panicked about it, The Joker spared him when he killed off the rest of the team, he was already a seemingly permanent member.

The Joker and Harley were currently indisposed.

“Do you have anyone to stay with when you leave?” Sim asked, placing a corner of the plastic wrapper between her teeth and tearing it at.

“I’m not leaving, Sim,” he replied, still drumming his hands and bobbing his head.

Her eyes stared to the distance. “Any family, perhaps?”

“Not going.”

“You know, Taylor has a crush on you, you could stay with her.”

His body stopped. “Are you serious?”

“I’m dead serious.”

He blinked his eyes and shook his head trying to rid himself of the smirk on his lips. “Where is she, anyway? I miss Dog.”

“I gave her a check for like…” she thought a moment, finally shrugging her shoulders, “I don’t know how much, the rest of what was left in my bank account, and she bought herself an apartment complex somewhere at the West end.”

“What’d you do that for?”

“I wanted her to live,” she threw a glance back to The Joker’s bedroom door.

“Plus,” she continued, “she’s like, my best friend. I’m pretty much indebted to her, the first place she lived gotblownup.”

“I remember that-”

“How could you forget?” Sim interjected. She sighed exasperatedly, throwing her candy to Squid. “Could you open that for me?”

“A kit-kat bar?” he laughed.

“Chyea,” she smirked, “a monstrous one, too, that’s like six inches long and just the solid piece. It’s heaven in your mouth.”

Casey cracked a smile as Biggy took his cigar between two fingers and snickered. “That’s what she said!”

The room erupted in laughter. Sim threw her head back to Biggy. “You’re sick,” she giggled. “Gimme my candy bar.” Squid handed the newly opened package to her greedy fingers.

The chocolate was devoured quickly, and Sim turned to her back, still listening to Squid’s music making.

“What are you singing?” she finally asked.

“Nothing.”

“Oh, it’s defiantly something.”

“You’ll think I’m gay.”

“What?” She flipped back to her stomach and looked at him. “How could I think that? Remember that one time you and I made out?”

The color of his cheeks brightened. “I’d hardly call it a make out,” he squeaked.

“It was enough for me to find how good of a kisser you are.” A bubble of laughter escaped her lips. “Your face is about as red as your hair.”

“Shut up.”

The door behind them burst open as The Joker strutted out, followed closely by Harley. His narrowed eyes swept the room from left to right, stopping as they befell Sim’s body laid over the new furniture. His leather encased hand stretched out, padding over the armrest.

“What do we have here?” his slicked voice leaked.

Sim sat up. “Got tired of sitting on the floor.”

He nodded once, rolling his tongue over his teeth and sucking them loudly. Stepping forward he cupped her face in one hand, staring her in the eyes. She took in his newly made face with no emotion.

“Good choice here, doll.” Her lips cracked a traitorous smile.

Behind him Harley pouted her lips, slitting her eyes as she crossed her arms over her chest, and audible ‘hmph’ sounding from her.

He stepped back suddenly, turning his attention to the black TV. “You watch the news, toots?”

“I don’t watch the news, I make the news.” The Joker smirked at her attitude.

“Seems to me that the know-it-all psychiatrist got a good beating. Right in the time you two were gone.” His attention was focused on Squid and Sim, his eyes narrowed, showing a spark of accomplishment and insanity.

“Who knows?”

He threw his head back and laughed a moment or two, licking his lips again as he calmed himself.

“I’m going out.”

Harley bounced behind him, clapping together her hands. “Where we goin’ Mista Jay?”

He kept his back to her but turned his head, casting her way a fierce glare. “I said I’m going out!”

Her bottom lip stuck out. Turning he walked away to the stairs, his lip twitching as he went. Sim and Squid put their mouths to their hands, hiding their smiles.

“Tough love,” Biggy sang behind them.

Harley burst to tears and ran back into their room, slamming the door behind her.

"You think The Joker would suspect foul play if the pillow somehow got stuck around her head?" Sim wondered aloud.

"Seems a bit sketchy," Biggy answered.

"Socks shoved down her throat?"

"Still a little iffy," Casey piped in for the first time that day.

Sim sighed. "Maybe I could just use my hands to choke her." She shrugged her shoulders. "She never take soff that stupid outfit, anyway."

"Yeah, but you'd have to stay there a while, ya know," Squid added. "If she passes out and you leave she could wake up again and tell The Joker what you did. We could just... tkae her out somewhere and leave her?"

"Nah, she could find us again easily. What would Batman do?"