I'm Holding Every Look

It was nearing one in the morning, and I was sitting on the couch in the Paramore bus, typing an email to my sister. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a message flashing in the bottom of my laptop.

One new IM from north.import.

I had not talked to this person since that first night, so I clicked on it, and we began talking. Going through the typical hello, how are you, so on and so forth, I heard Jeremy cough slightly from his bunk. I told north.import I would be right back, and I headed over to his bunk.

"Who are you instant messaging?" I questioned, sticking my head down by his laptop so I could see the screen.

julejazz.

That was definitely my screen name.

But I had never given him my screen name.

I then shifted my attention to his instant messaging name.

north.import.

"YOU SKANK!" I shrieked, my eyes growing large and sinking onto the bunk next to him. "What the hell?"

"Sorry, I... I couldn't resist. You had written your screen name on a napkin for Hayley, so I took it..." Jeremy attempted to explain himself.

I began to laugh, very hard.

"What?" Jeremy asked, thoroughly confused as he snapped his laptop shut quietly. He must have thought I was mad.

But I wasn't, in the least bit.

"I... you..." I sputtered out between laughs. Jeremy raised his eyebrows as I attempted to gain control of myself, and finally I did, lying back on his bunk and stretching my arms over my head.

The boy sitting next to me chuckled softly and laid back as well, turning on his side to face me.

I remembered the last thing Ryan had said to me as Jeremy and I left the barbecue earlier that week.

"Don't get horizontal, Miss Buches!"

He's a peach, that best friend of mine.

I erased the thought of Ryan Ross from my mind and turned my body towards Jeremy as well.

"So tell me about Franklin."

Jeremy's eyes acquired a far away look in them, paired with a slight sadness. My heart went out to him. It seemed like he really loved that place.

"It's amazing, better than you can ever imagine. The people there are homey and more welcoming than any other town I have ever been to. Everyone says hi to you on the street, no matter who you are. They're so accepting of everyone, and they don't treat us like we're some famous band." He sighed, staring up at the top of the bunk.

"Seems like you love it there." I breathed out. He nodded.

"I love it, not just because it's my hometown.. but because it's really and truly one of the best places on earth."

"Do you miss it when you're on tour?" I asked quietly.

"More than you could ever know." We were silent for a minute, taking in this moment between the two of us. Jeremy cleared his throat after thirty seconds or so. "I'd like to take you there one day."

"I'd like that." I whispered to the darkness that surrounded us. There was another moment of silence passed between us and then Jeremy broke through it again.

"What about Vegas? Tell me about Vegas. I mean, I've been there, but..."

"You want to know about the behind the lights side of Vegas." He nodded. "It's really not all it's cracked up to be. Call me a cynic, but I see Vegas for what it really is. It's a dirty city filled with a whole bunch of crap that I would never want to deal with. It seems like almost everyone there is dysfunctional or fake in some way or another. And do you want to know the truth, Jeremy?"

He nodded again, his full attention on me. I felt a blush run up my cheeks, but I ignored it and continued.

"I love tour for a few reasons. I get to be with my best friends, I get to see the world, and I get to leave Vegas. I would have left already and gone to Seattle for school, but I couldn't find it in my heart to leave Ryan like that. But I really want to live somewhere like Franklin, that sounds absolutely perfect. Oh, and, in case you were wondering, everything is strictly platonic between Ryan and I. Everything. Never been attracted to him once in my life."

I was sort of in awe of myself after I said that. It was like once I started, I couldn't stop talking.

And for once in my life, I was completely positive he didn't mind.