I’ll Go Until My Heart Stops

"Don't try to wake me up
Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow
Don't believe anything you say
Anymore, in the morn, in the morning"

_____

The world had fallen from beneath me. My anchor, my saviour, my hero, my everything was gone; snatched from my grip in one fleeting second. The driver repsonsible had been distracted by his children in the backseat, he had turned as my own Dad had done so many times to speak to them; losing sight of the road, and in that split second he had taken the life of one of his peers. A man, a husband, a brother, a son, a nephew, a friend and a Dad who was worshipped, adored and depended upon in so many ways.

I could hear the muffled movements of my family below me. The house was hauntingly silent and nobody spoke, for we moved like ghosts through the cold rooms, shadows of our former selves. I lay motionless on my bed atop the icy covers. Unmoving, I stared blankly at the ceiling, images of my Father flashing through my mind; each one sending a stabbing pain through my core, piercing my soul.

I could no longer cry, for I shed so many tears as I stood with my grief-striken Mother and Sister for what seemed like centuries, simply holding each other and sobbing. Our previous conflicts forgotten, my Mother and I stood united in our grief.

Family members had been notified, my Mother had requested that the police officers notify our immediate family as she was aware we were in no way capable of doing so ourselves. Our relatives were due to arrive this morning, in preperation for the funeral the following day. I had not slept nor moved for the duration of the night, I simply lay there motionless.

There was a scuffle at the foot of the stairs as I heard somebody begin to climb, their footsteps heavy and sombre. Seconds later there came a knock on my bedroom door. My joints ached as I moved to sit up. A flash of red caught my eye, breaking the seemingly monochrome tint that the world had taken on.

"Hayley!" I gasped, for I had never expected to see her here in this room again; her sudden reappearance seemed hard for my fuzzy mind to comprehend.

"I'm so sorry Maddie, I just heard - your Dad! I can't believe it, I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you!" she choked out all in one breath, holding back a sob that wracked her petite frame.

I sprang from the bed to her side in an instant, pulling her into a tight hug. I sighed into her crimson locks a sigh of relief and weariness.

"Hayles, I'm sorry for everything, I never meant to hurt you. I hope someday you can forgive me," I pleaded, my voice betraying me and
clearly displaying my exhaustion as I stifled a yawn.

"Of course I do silly! I'm gonna be here for you through this everyday. You need me you call, got it?" she pressed, pulling away from me to look me directly in the eye. Her face fell further as she took in the deep purple circles beneath my red eyes, set against the pasty white of my face.

"Thanks Hayles!" I blubbed, my relief at our situation being resolved and my overwhelming sense of resurfacing grief causing a fresh set of tears to fall onto my pale cheeks in unrestrained anguish.

She reached up to wipe my tears with her thumb. "Shhh, come on sweetie, you're exhausted. You need sleep, let's get you comfortable," she coaxed, moving me gently towards my now very inviting bed.

I crawled beneath my starched white cotton covers; my eyes felt like lead so heavy, I no longer had any control over them. They slipped closed and the world beyond became distant and muffled. I pushed all thoughts of my Father's mangled body from my mind and recalled all the fond memories I could muster. My relief at the peace between my best friend and I aiding my slumber to overtake all other feelings. My grief striken mind was numb, my body weary as I slipped into a dreamless slumber.