I’ll Go Until My Heart Stops
Constant
The distant buzzing of the school bell snatched me from my trance like state, alterting me to the end of another school day. This however was not a welcome relief; oh no, this was just the start of what was sure to be another night of endless study sessions followed by hours of homework. In these last weeks leading up to the holiday season which was fast approaching, our teachers had decided to overload us with mammoth assignments and threats of upcoming finals.
As I shuffled reluctantly toward my locker, I heard the distant sound of my name being called from within the bustling crowd.
"Maddie!" Zac roared over the shrieks and yells of the milling crowd.
Pushing through the dense population he finally stumbled to a stop at my side.
"Hey!" he greeted me with a timid peck on the cheek. He gently guided me toward my battered locker, keeping his arm securely around me as I dug around inside in a quest to locate my required books for the night that now lay ahead of me.
We fell into an awkward silence as I pulled my book bag roughly onto my back, slamming my locker closed and began to pound my way toward the beckoning doors of the school. Zac following obiediently behind at a somewhat hesitant pace.
"Hey, come on, talk to me!" he called, jogging to keep up with my increasing pace.
Reaching out he grabbed my shoulder roughly, forcing me to pause abruptly. Gingerly he placed his index finger on my chin lifting my face up to look him directly in the eye.
"What is up with you?" he enquired, his features portraying the hurt my unexplained anger caused. His pain caused a stabbing pain in my gut, I never wanted to hurt him, ever.
"It's nothing Zac. I'm fine, it's just school crap!" I finished hastily with an aggravated sigh, attempting to snatch my gaze from his prying eyes.
Honestly, all this stress from school was really getting to me. My sleep pattern had been severly damaged by vivid nightmares I had been experiencing; in which I relieved my Father's accident over and over from a spot at the side of the road. I would stand rooted to the spot as I watched this horrific event unfold before me time and time again. Unable to prevent it, I would awake in hysterics each morning panting and filled with grief.
"Maddie please just talk to me!" he begged, his face creasing into a look of utter pain.
"No Zac I can't I have to get home, I have stuff to do!" I replied, tearing away from his grasp. In a rush of emotion, tears began to fall but I fought against them turning sharply and jogging toward the exit, ignoring Zac's pleas as I ran from him - the one thing I swore I would never do.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hours later and in an angry stupor I had almost finished my workload for the night. Sitting at my desk as I slowly replayed the scene with Zac on a loop in my mind; regret and self loathing overtook me. I should never have treated him in such a way, he was my everything and I had ruined it all with my reluctance. I battled my wills that were telling me to call him, I knew however I would never work up the nerve, I was too ashamed.
A sudden rat-a-tat-tat on my window snapped me from my conflicted thoughts. Cautiously I inched toward the darkened window. Pulling it open I gazed out into the blackness of the December night, the glow of the overhanging moon casting a shadow of light over the garden below.
Upon further inspection of the yard below I spotted the source of the noise. Amongst the brambles and shrubs below stood Zac wrapped up in a large coat against the bitter elements, throwing small pebbles in my direction.
"Maddie!" he sighed in relief at my appearance, "Please talk to me, I want to help!" he pleaded from below.
"Okay, stay put I'll be down in a sec!" I whispered urgently as I rushed through the house, released the latch on the door. As soon as I wrenched it open he was there puling my frail body to him in a strong embrace, I could sense the desperation in his actions.
"I am so sorry!" I whispered from within his arms, reluctant to pull away from him.
"It's okay, all I wanted was for you to talk to me," he finished, sighing into my ear and placing a gentle kiss to my lobe.
Clinging to him, I slowly guided him up the softly carpeted stairs, into my room. We flopped down onto the bed, side-by-side our arms interlocked, his head resting against mine. He laced his fingers through mine, softly caressing the tender skin of my hand. He didn't have to speak I simply began to admit everything from my increased stresses to my frightening nightmares, throughout which he listened intently.
After I had finished, I slumped into his strong embrace and he placed a kiss so full of passion on my lips it took my breath from my lungs, rendering me speechless. He then proceeded to assure me of his loyalty, offering his support, as he pulled me to the centre of my bed; laying me down beneath the covers.
In my haste I had forgotten how truly exhausted I was. As he turned to go I called out to him;
"No please stay!" I begged through my exhaustion.
He sighed in defeat and slipped cautiously beneath the covers, wrapping his arms securely around me. His familliar scent filled my senses relaxing me, causing a wave of sheer reassurance to wash over me.
In his arms I slept for the first time in weeks, my nightmares a thing of the past. His secure presence shielding me from the thoughts that lurked threatening to overcome me. He was my life raft through the rough times, my constant.....
As I shuffled reluctantly toward my locker, I heard the distant sound of my name being called from within the bustling crowd.
"Maddie!" Zac roared over the shrieks and yells of the milling crowd.
Pushing through the dense population he finally stumbled to a stop at my side.
"Hey!" he greeted me with a timid peck on the cheek. He gently guided me toward my battered locker, keeping his arm securely around me as I dug around inside in a quest to locate my required books for the night that now lay ahead of me.
We fell into an awkward silence as I pulled my book bag roughly onto my back, slamming my locker closed and began to pound my way toward the beckoning doors of the school. Zac following obiediently behind at a somewhat hesitant pace.
"Hey, come on, talk to me!" he called, jogging to keep up with my increasing pace.
Reaching out he grabbed my shoulder roughly, forcing me to pause abruptly. Gingerly he placed his index finger on my chin lifting my face up to look him directly in the eye.
"What is up with you?" he enquired, his features portraying the hurt my unexplained anger caused. His pain caused a stabbing pain in my gut, I never wanted to hurt him, ever.
"It's nothing Zac. I'm fine, it's just school crap!" I finished hastily with an aggravated sigh, attempting to snatch my gaze from his prying eyes.
Honestly, all this stress from school was really getting to me. My sleep pattern had been severly damaged by vivid nightmares I had been experiencing; in which I relieved my Father's accident over and over from a spot at the side of the road. I would stand rooted to the spot as I watched this horrific event unfold before me time and time again. Unable to prevent it, I would awake in hysterics each morning panting and filled with grief.
"Maddie please just talk to me!" he begged, his face creasing into a look of utter pain.
"No Zac I can't I have to get home, I have stuff to do!" I replied, tearing away from his grasp. In a rush of emotion, tears began to fall but I fought against them turning sharply and jogging toward the exit, ignoring Zac's pleas as I ran from him - the one thing I swore I would never do.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hours later and in an angry stupor I had almost finished my workload for the night. Sitting at my desk as I slowly replayed the scene with Zac on a loop in my mind; regret and self loathing overtook me. I should never have treated him in such a way, he was my everything and I had ruined it all with my reluctance. I battled my wills that were telling me to call him, I knew however I would never work up the nerve, I was too ashamed.
A sudden rat-a-tat-tat on my window snapped me from my conflicted thoughts. Cautiously I inched toward the darkened window. Pulling it open I gazed out into the blackness of the December night, the glow of the overhanging moon casting a shadow of light over the garden below.
Upon further inspection of the yard below I spotted the source of the noise. Amongst the brambles and shrubs below stood Zac wrapped up in a large coat against the bitter elements, throwing small pebbles in my direction.
"Maddie!" he sighed in relief at my appearance, "Please talk to me, I want to help!" he pleaded from below.
"Okay, stay put I'll be down in a sec!" I whispered urgently as I rushed through the house, released the latch on the door. As soon as I wrenched it open he was there puling my frail body to him in a strong embrace, I could sense the desperation in his actions.
"I am so sorry!" I whispered from within his arms, reluctant to pull away from him.
"It's okay, all I wanted was for you to talk to me," he finished, sighing into my ear and placing a gentle kiss to my lobe.
Clinging to him, I slowly guided him up the softly carpeted stairs, into my room. We flopped down onto the bed, side-by-side our arms interlocked, his head resting against mine. He laced his fingers through mine, softly caressing the tender skin of my hand. He didn't have to speak I simply began to admit everything from my increased stresses to my frightening nightmares, throughout which he listened intently.
After I had finished, I slumped into his strong embrace and he placed a kiss so full of passion on my lips it took my breath from my lungs, rendering me speechless. He then proceeded to assure me of his loyalty, offering his support, as he pulled me to the centre of my bed; laying me down beneath the covers.
In my haste I had forgotten how truly exhausted I was. As he turned to go I called out to him;
"No please stay!" I begged through my exhaustion.
He sighed in defeat and slipped cautiously beneath the covers, wrapping his arms securely around me. His familliar scent filled my senses relaxing me, causing a wave of sheer reassurance to wash over me.
In his arms I slept for the first time in weeks, my nightmares a thing of the past. His secure presence shielding me from the thoughts that lurked threatening to overcome me. He was my life raft through the rough times, my constant.....
♠ ♠ ♠
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