Six Feet Underground

May 13, 1995
Mom tells me that I should get a better job. No one will hire a depressed drunk, now. I got accepted to that collage I mentioned earlier. Yeah. So when I graduate this year, I'm going to go there, maybe even make something outa myself. This is the point where everyone in the world stops what they are doing and gasps.
School sucks even more, now. They made it a point to dilerbertly taunt me as today is Friday the 13. Oh and... umm. They found out about my dream I had.
It came true. I couldn't do anything. I just stood there. Her eye's were open, looking directly into mine for the first and last time. She had beautiful eyes. But they are gone now. Six feet underground, like Mikey.
Everyone avoids me now, even the teachers. I think they all think that if I happen to come about to liking you, then you die not long after.
I kinda like it. They don't shove me anymore. They try to get away from me. But that gets old fast. No one dares to come near the table I sit at during lunch. All avoid it. But that is just like it used to be, nothing really changed.
The itching is worse now. My wrists are blood red, but no blood is on them. As I'm writing this, I'm itching now. It hurts to move my wrist now. But I can't help that. Mom still doesn't know. I'm going to keep it that way. She doesn't need to know. It'll hurt her. But Dad... I think he is suspicious. He keeps trying to get me to do things that require me to pull up my sleaves. But I'm smarter. I refuse to do them.
Swiming is horible. It is hot in there. It's hard to breath sometimes. They trying to get me to swim, that won't happen. I don't like water. And then I would have to shower. Not fun.
I don't have a thing against hygein or that. Just the school showers. And the boys in the locker rooms. They judge. I don't like it.
God! It's getting hard to write. Sorry. I can't help it. The itching is getting worse as the time goes by. Shit! I just cut my self. Now I'll be bleeding for a few days. I have this weird thing where my wounds don't heal fast. I guess I have thin blood. Whatever. I didn't listen to the doctor when they told me.
I better go clean this off, or They will find blood and the floor and ask questions.
xoxo
Gerard

I closed the notebook, my mind working on overtime. So she did die. I wounder if he is alive today. I want to meet him. He sounds like a preaty cool guy. A little depressed but still cool once you get to know him. I wounder what he looks like. He mentioned some things about his hair in the past, but nothing else.

I put the notebook away, thinking back to the day I found them. It was cold, raining, I was just looking for a place to get out of the rain. I found a small tree fort in the back yard of the old run down house I was standing in front of. Rummor had it that no one had lived there in for years.
Well, being smart, wet and cold, I found my slef inside the tree house seeking shelter. A found a lot of neat things, but something caught my eye. A bunch of old notebooks. They were tatered and worn. All were filled with entry's, like a journal or diary. Many of the pages had doodles around the edges. Papers of all sort were stuck between the pages. I found out each had something to do with the entry that was writen. Sometimes it was a picture, news paper artice, note from friend, school, collage. Sometimes it was just a letter or really detailed picture drawn on a blank peice of paper.
Well, I took them home, along with a box that went with it. A note was attached to the box. It said that whoever found this, could take it home and keep them, try to figure it out. The box was filled with various items that I later found out were very important parts of this Gerard guy. Most were things his brother owned, some were things he owned. I kept everything safe, hidden away so no one would find them and bring harm to them.

I would come home from work everyday, find something quick to eat and sit down and read his journals and looking through the items in the box. I hadn't watched any of the movies, except part of his birthday one. In the birthday video's, I finally got a chance to see what Mikey and Gerard looked like. Even if in the video they were really young.

There was another tape in the box titled Gerard's Accomplishments. It was a sweet tape, mostly about Gerard and Mikey. But, there was another tape in the box, too. It was untitled and when I watched it, my heart broke and I ended up crying myself to sleep that night.