A Ladder to The Sun
Bits and Pieces
********************************
9/12/06
Maroon.
The color of my hat.
The color of my mood
Calm, secure
Compassionate
Deep
Rich, Beautiful, Elegant
Silence
I look behind me
My soul is stretched out with an unwilling pull
My eyes search
To no avail, no one is there
In school I am not me. In school I am someone else. It brings something else in me. Bubbling up from the inner depths of my soul, my very being. I feel awkward. Chills run down my spine when I am this person. This wonderful amazing person that I wish to be. It's this person that other people see in me. Yet I look in the mirror when I am in the restroom, and I see nothing of what they say I am. How odd. Are they blind or am I?
Who is right and who is wrong? Shall I not look at it in black and white?
“Now, we have these nucleotides zipping around, where do these come from though? Kaiya?”
I look up from my paper.
“They come from the food we eat.”
“Great job, that is exactly right!”
I grin, then look down to do my work.
I am a good student. I am told I am all the time by teachers. I wish my father saw me that way. Perfect.
Kaiya
*****************************
She sat there in the corner curled up, hugging herself ever so tightly. You could hear her sobs as she rocked back and forth. Hugging her knees for any comfort she could receive, anything would suffice. No hope, no happiness. Pure despair lingered in the air. She would taste her very own tears in her mouth, how warm and salty they were to to her. Her stomach clenched and she held her knees tighter.
A door slams open
A loud malicious voice booms
She cowers
A hand is raised
A couple of yelps
A couple more sobs sound
The door slams shut
The sound of broken glass hits the ground in the kitchen
She sits there alone
Sobbing.
The darkness swallows her as her figure slowly fades out.
********************************
My eyes opened wide, I stared up at my yellow ceiling. I could see nothing yet my eyes were searching for something solid to put my mind on. I could feel my hands clenching on to my very own bedsheets. I held my breath. I couldn't breathe. I released a big sigh as my eyes relaxed staring into the nothing, the pitch black. Rubbing my face with my hands, I sat up in my bed as it squeaked from underneath me. The moisture in my eyes was scarce, I blinked more times that I should have. How my head throbbed, it was agonizing pain that I felt at that very moment.
How much longer can I endure these dreams? They become so vivid. They are so real to me, yet when I wake up, I feel like an idiot. Why? Because I every ounce of my energy has been spent on the emotions that I feel in my dreams. I then wake up tired because I receive no sleep.
******************************
9/21/06
I passed someone in the hall that gave me this weird feeling in my gut. I took a double take, but all I saw was a big crowd of people. It was funny, at that moment I felt very strange. I don't know what that feeling was. I am not very sure how to describe it. When they passed me I couldn't help but look. I didn't know who it was.
....I know what the feeling was... it was as if I knew them from before. Deja Vu. That feeling when you pass someone. It was as if I knew them from long ago. It was weird. My soul was extending to reach for them, yet I don't even know who this person is. But something inside of me tells me that I already know them, I just haven't seen them in a long time.
Kaiya
***************************************
9/12/06
Maroon.
The color of my hat.
The color of my mood
Calm, secure
Compassionate
Deep
Rich, Beautiful, Elegant
Silence
I look behind me
My soul is stretched out with an unwilling pull
My eyes search
To no avail, no one is there
In school I am not me. In school I am someone else. It brings something else in me. Bubbling up from the inner depths of my soul, my very being. I feel awkward. Chills run down my spine when I am this person. This wonderful amazing person that I wish to be. It's this person that other people see in me. Yet I look in the mirror when I am in the restroom, and I see nothing of what they say I am. How odd. Are they blind or am I?
Who is right and who is wrong? Shall I not look at it in black and white?
“Now, we have these nucleotides zipping around, where do these come from though? Kaiya?”
I look up from my paper.
“They come from the food we eat.”
“Great job, that is exactly right!”
I grin, then look down to do my work.
I am a good student. I am told I am all the time by teachers. I wish my father saw me that way. Perfect.
Kaiya
*****************************
She sat there in the corner curled up, hugging herself ever so tightly. You could hear her sobs as she rocked back and forth. Hugging her knees for any comfort she could receive, anything would suffice. No hope, no happiness. Pure despair lingered in the air. She would taste her very own tears in her mouth, how warm and salty they were to to her. Her stomach clenched and she held her knees tighter.
A door slams open
A loud malicious voice booms
She cowers
A hand is raised
A couple of yelps
A couple more sobs sound
The door slams shut
The sound of broken glass hits the ground in the kitchen
She sits there alone
Sobbing.
The darkness swallows her as her figure slowly fades out.
********************************
My eyes opened wide, I stared up at my yellow ceiling. I could see nothing yet my eyes were searching for something solid to put my mind on. I could feel my hands clenching on to my very own bedsheets. I held my breath. I couldn't breathe. I released a big sigh as my eyes relaxed staring into the nothing, the pitch black. Rubbing my face with my hands, I sat up in my bed as it squeaked from underneath me. The moisture in my eyes was scarce, I blinked more times that I should have. How my head throbbed, it was agonizing pain that I felt at that very moment.
How much longer can I endure these dreams? They become so vivid. They are so real to me, yet when I wake up, I feel like an idiot. Why? Because I every ounce of my energy has been spent on the emotions that I feel in my dreams. I then wake up tired because I receive no sleep.
******************************
9/21/06
I passed someone in the hall that gave me this weird feeling in my gut. I took a double take, but all I saw was a big crowd of people. It was funny, at that moment I felt very strange. I don't know what that feeling was. I am not very sure how to describe it. When they passed me I couldn't help but look. I didn't know who it was.
....I know what the feeling was... it was as if I knew them from before. Deja Vu. That feeling when you pass someone. It was as if I knew them from long ago. It was weird. My soul was extending to reach for them, yet I don't even know who this person is. But something inside of me tells me that I already know them, I just haven't seen them in a long time.
Kaiya
***************************************
♠ ♠ ♠
I deeply apologize with all my heart for not posting things. I have been more than busy and I do have a life outside of this. I am trying to be better at writing faster and editing faster for all of you. Enjoy, it is short, but I am trying to spit out things as fast as I can for you. Comment if you enjoyed it, it really does help.