Forgetful

Chapter 1

“What if there was some way?” I asked in a whisper.

“Why are you whispering?” he asked.

“A way to change…” I stopped.

“Change what?” he moved closer.

“Never mind…” I insisted.

It was pointless, a stupid thought. I couldn’t help him and he would never believe me. I was optimistic though. Determined in myself. I always found myself in this position. I sit across from him and I looked into his eyes. His dark green eyes as they sweep me away into a trance. I can’t help, but open my mouth in awe. Of course he looks at me like I’m crazy. He doesn’t know who I am. Just another face in the crowd is what I am to him. I’m just another classmate he sits across from in science class. He looks at me and he doesn’t know. He looks straight into my eyes and he doesn’t recall anything.

It hurts to think about it. To think about the accident he had to endure. The pain he felt and the undeniable truth he had to face, that he would forget. He would forget me. He would forget the times we shared and the moments that bonded us closer. The tears we cried on each others shoulders and the moments of meaningfulness, gone.

I can recall that awful moment. It would play in my head like a movie over and over again; digging deeper into my fragile heart. We were in the hospital room. The off-white walls of that room made me dizzy; there was something about the color white that just didn’t go with me. Of course he laughed at me; it was funny when I think about it now. Just to think about a color that made me dizzy. I laughed about it later. I even grinned a little. Seeing him smile though was the best feeling in the world, it was the last time I would see him smile, but I didn’t know that. I had to repeat that; the last time…

Our conversations would usually consist of deep meaningful things that are worth time to talk about. Deep thinkers; was what we were. I loved to think, the thought of just thinking is intriguing.

I use to walk down the road by the cemetery at night just to ponder my thoughts. The leaves would shuffle under my feet as I breathed the fall air. It was peaceful; the only place I could feel peaceful. He would go with me on occasion. I missed those walks by the cemetery.
Sometimes, if we were up to it, we would hold our breath as we passed the cemetery. It was a childhood habit; if we didn’t then the ghosts would take over your body and make us feel all silly. He would win the contest every time and I would owe him an ice cream the next day. I never did learn from my lessons of losing though; I still would try my best to beat him, no matter what.

We laughed about as we talked relived those moments in the hospital. I really just wanted to get his mind off the trauma he felt after the accident. I wanted him to feel comfortable and relaxed; I didn’t want him to think about his accident. Trying to take him back to good memories with each other was the solution to avoiding the trauma.

The doctor entered the room with a clipboard at hand. She was a middle-aged woman who looked like one of those women who were feminists. The way she presented herself was very confidently. She was looked like that kind of person who had little kids look up to her. Seemed like her face showed that she had been working for twenty-four hours or more in this place, with that “I want to quit my job but then how am I going to pay my bills?” look on her face. I looked up at her with a smile.

“Hi, I am Doctor Kelly,” she had said.

“Hi,” I had said.

“Are you his sister or related in anyway to this young man?” Doctor Kelly had asked me.
I shook my head.

“I am sorry, but you have to leave the room, I am restricted by law, relatives only. Can you send his parents in please?” she said sternly.

I hesitated but nodded and proceeded out the door. I sent his parents in as I waited out in the lobby. I twiddled my thumbs, nervous to know what was being said at that moment. I was impatient; I wanted to know if he would be alright. I planned on taking him out for ice cream or something special, just to treat him. I thought he would be discharged that day. I wanted to see him walk out of these hospital doors with a smile as he saw the night sky and the stars, his favorite time of the day, night, when the beautiful stars were out. Looking back at the times we stargazed and even had seen a couple of shooting stars made me want to kidnap him out of this gloomy place and take him stargazing with ice cream at hand.

His parents came back out with blank looks on their faces. I looked at them straight in the eyes, trying to convince them to tell me what had happen. I failed to though. They sat down slowly and finally had the courage to look at me. That one look told me everything I needed to know, something was very wrong.

I rushed into the hospital room. I burst in as the doctor had just finished checking his heart rate. She looked up at me like I was some lunatic. I didn’t care, I needed to know. I wanted to know if he would be alright. He was my best friend, my other half, he completed me. He looked at me with fear.

The doctor left the room and left us staring at one another. Usually when we would stare at each other we could tell exactly what we are going to say; we said it all in our eyes, we could read expressions. But this was one expression I couldn’t make out. I stared at him still. His head was heavily bandaged from the accident. His perfect features showed though and they were the only difference between me and him. He had such a defined face. His hair was shaggy and short, the kind that you are tempted to play with and put gel in it. He would yell at me for that. Green eyes; I love them, especially on him. I was mesmerized by eyes.
As he noticed that I stared at him, he stood up. With his hospital gown dragging on the cold ground he walked over to me as he faced him. He looked at me; he looked right into my eyes. Then he moved closer to embrace me. I welcomed him openly in my arms. I heard a whimper, and then I felt a tear drop on my arm. I held him tighter. He whispered in my ear “I’m scared” and I just stood there. I was scared too. I was scared for him. I did not have the slightest clue what was wrong, but I did not question his emotion. We never questioned each others emotions. We had cried together when my dog Toto died, our childhood puppy. We grew up together and we were never afraid to tell each other anything.

“I am scared Ketti,” he said “They told me that I’m losing brain cells and that I will forget certain things,” he hesitated.

I closed my eyes. “Please don’t say that Jake.”

“Ketti, what do I do?” he asked me.

“Fight it Jake, fight it. I know you can,” I managed to say as tears were being held back.

The off-white walls closed in on us. My mind was racing; I didn’t know what to think about it. Time had stopped and we were still standing there. My body shook in fear and anxiety. What would he forget? Will he forget the times we went walking? The times we cried? Smiles and laughs we had shared? How about Toto, my dog? How about our first time we had a sleepover and burnt the popcorn in the microwave? My mind went on and on down the list of things he could possibly forget.

That day was the worst day of my life. I was scared out of my mind. I went home crying. I cried for Jake and I prayed for him. I took a walk on that road, my peaceful haven, shuffling my feet. I had never felt that way before, I felt so angry. I wanted to make him happy, to help him. I didn’t want him to feel helplessness. I didn’t want him to lose anything. These emotions started to slowly drain me. I felt a sense of emptiness in my stomach, but it couldn’t be filled with food.

Weeks had pass since the news had been out. Slowly he started to lose his memory. He forgot about Toto. I wasn’t too worried at that point, but time passed more rapidly. The first tree house we built out of boxes was a fun memory, but now only I recalled it. I tried so hard, to help him remember, but it didn’t work. I showed him pictures of us and our great times we had. I started to feel anxious.

Again and again, he lost more and more brain cells and memories. The strangest part was it was all about our moments we shared, everything else he knew was still intact. I became scared and in desperation I tried to help make new memories, but soon he forgot those. It made no logical sense to me. How someone can remember everything except one person and the moments they had shared.

Finally one day, he just forgot everything; he forgot my name, he forgot who I was. His personality changed, but I still could see the real him inside his heart. I clenched my fist, turned around and walked away. I walked away from him, I walked away from the pain and I started to tear up. I forced them back; I had known this was going to happen. Why had I been so hopeful? I sat down on the curb of the street on my way home. I dropped my head down to my knees in pain. I was the one who had to bear all those memories; I was the one who would only remember the good times we had shared. I bore the burden, not him. Reality struck me down hard, I had just lost my other half; my best friend, Jake Itano.