Reinventing the Heartbeat

Gage Jonathon Bracey ;;

Last night I forgot, how the sound of your voice whispered sweet
Goodbyes, your eyes, left to die
I'm alone to understand why

The once tall, lively willow trees planted in my front yard were now slumped, slouching in their spots until their dying leaves impressed upon the ground it rooted in. Most flowers, if not all of them, were sad looking, with their lifeless petals also resting on the ground in their bland colors. Or maybe they weren't bland colors. They could have been bright, beautiful colors. But how was I to tell? They were definitely bland to my eyes.

Wall after wall was covered in some kind of marking; the gangs and bored teens having tagged them in graffiti and other pointless nonsense.

This whole town just looked so depressing. Even in the state my eyes were in, I could easily tell how 'bad' this place was. The likes of me getting jumped or something here were much more likely than in my old neighborhood. Plus, judging by the other teens I've already seen around here, it doesn't appear that I'll fit in all that well. With my too-tight-for-my-own-good jeans, always perfectly 'swooshing' - as she once liked to call it - hair and band tee's, I didn't stand a chance against these uptight jocks and O.G. kids.

It was definitely going to take time to adjust to this - a place where, when you go down a line of kids, they’re all identical to the next. No originality or personality in the youth here. They all seemed to dress alike and have the same haircut. Then again, I have only seen a few of these kids…Maybe there is still some hope.

Wow.

She must be getting to my head again. The way she could take the most terrible thing in the world and find something to like about it. She honestly had rubbed off on me. I don't think any other girl could have that affect on me.

At first, I didn't even believe she would have the slightest affect on me.

She was just another girl, after all. . .and I guess you could say I didn't have much 'respect' for women…
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"So, in this case, it is actually the females who have the advantage. People think males are the dominant in most species, but, for animals such as the peacocks, it is the exact opposite," the old, fattening biology teacher, Mr. G, carried on in his dull, monotonous voice, half the class being put to sleep from his lecture on sexual selection.

"You see, the females have the power to choose who they mate with. The males don't really have a say in it."
Ha, I'd hate to be a peacock. Not having a say in it? That must suck!

"Plus, the males have those bright, obnoxious feathers that make it easier for hunters to spot them," Mr. G carried on in that dentist voice of his. I didn't understand why people expected us kids to have fun and enjoy school and all that crap when they're hiring all these boring ass teachers. I mean, if I wanted to sleep all day, I would have just stayed home and not bothered coming to school at all.

"Then we have deer. Does anyone know why it is the females that have the advantage in this scenario?" He pushed his glasses up his fat nose even farther, looking around the room at all the different faces expectantly, hopefully.
Not today, sir. No one is in the mood to play your little trivia game.

He sighed and, glancing at the paper in his left hand, set down the white board pen he was holding in the other. "The male deer have to fight each other for the right to mate."

A few scoffs emitted from the mouths of most guys in the room, and, I'll admit, even I snorted at the thought.
Fighting for a girl? I don't think so. Then again, I've never had to fight for a girl. They've just always been there. Waiting.

Still, I wouldn't fight for a girl.

So how had she managed to make me do such an unthinkable thing?
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From the moment I first laid my eyes on her, I could tell there was something special about her, as lame as it may sound. I could tell I wanted to know her. I could tell she was different than most girls I'd known. And I could tell I wanted to make her mine.

I had never seen someone with such a bright personality - literally and physically. Everyday I saw her, she always had her earbuds resting in her ears, her head usually bobbing along to the music pouring out of them. And there was almost always someone following her, especially guys. They were all there, waiting for her to 'choose' one of them. But she looked behind all of them. And chose me.

Oh God, and those eyes.

To actually be able to look into her eyes and see them; it was an indescribable feeling. Having gone such a long time without actually seeing things for what they are, and how they look, and then to look into hers and observe them - her lively personality clearly visible - it was amazing. I didn't have to guess what they looked like. They were as gray as the world I'd been living in for nearly my whole life - maybe more so.

But those gray eyes were no more.

I'd never have the chance to look into them again.

All because she had to go off and do her own thing. Always so independent, she was. And, in this case, it ended badly. Very badly. Had I not been sick, she would still be here, alive and well.

If I could go back in time, just to that day, I'd do it in a heart beat.

I'd hold her tighter, kiss her longer, and would have never let her leave to begin with.

Too bad this wasn't some fairy tale I was living in.

This was the real thing.

And I'd have to live with that, as difficult as that seemed to me for the moment.
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Wiping my snotty nose free of boogers with the sleeve of my old, rarely worn, oversized hoodie, I sighed and brought my attention back to the beautifully smiling girl sat beside me on my messy bed.

"Don't gooo," I whined, a pathetic break in my weak voice. Quickly grabbing a hold of her always warm hand, I clutched it between mine, attempting to hold her back and keep her next to me.

She smiled knowingly at me and released a sigh of her own. This behavior was nothing new for me. And she knew it. She could never deny me when I pleaded with her. And I knew it.

"Gage, you and I both know how important this dinner is for my parents," she counter-argued, brushing some of my dark, sweaty hair from my forehead. It was true; her mother and father were holding a special dinner for some rich, executive guys her dad worked with. And if it hadn't been for this damn cold, I'd be there with her, holding her hand and kissing her every single chance I got.

Before I could respond to the words she'd just spoken, she'd bent over and lightly applied her soft lips to mine - even though I‘d been telling her since she‘d arrived I didn‘t want her to get sick as well.
How did I ever get someone so amazing? I'd always wonder.

Gently resting her forehead to my own, I willingly looked into those gray orbs of hers, not daring to waste this little time I had left with her.

"I have to go finish getting ready now, 'kay?" She always seemed to ask for my permission for things like this, even when she knew I'd say no, in which case she'd do whatever she asked anyways. Something I'd grown to love about her one-in-a-million personality.

I shook my head childishly, watching that cheesy grin appear on those tasty lips.

"Can I at least walk you home?" Judging by the look on her face, I knew that wasn't going to pass for her. "...Then I'll have dad drive you. He won't mind."

Even though she only lived a few short blocks away from me, I hated the thought of her walking these dark, dirty streets alone at night.

Leaning in, she quickly swept her lips across mine one last time before rising to her feet, still bearing the worn, tearing Chuck's she'd been wearing the day I met her; the day she moved to New York City.

"Don't make me beat you up, Gage Jonathon Bracey. I can kick your ass and you know it," she teased, smirking at me before picking up her bag and placing it on her shoulder. "Besides, I drove here." She beamed widely, proud of her recent gain of a drivers license, and dangled a set of keys, that I recognized as her mother's, in front of her face.

"Visit tomorrow?" I asked, pouting out my bottom lip.

"Promise." She drew an 'x' over her heart and walked towards my bedroom door. "Love you."

Hearing those words escape her mouth always caused extra work for my heart. "Love you, too, Abby."
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She was the only girl that would ever possess the key to my heart.

It was something I was absolutely sure of.

Why not one more night
One last kiss good bye
My sweet love tonight
I hope the stars still spell out your name where you are