Who Am I?

Chapter 6

Shooting up in bed Liz saw Michael was already gone, and her heart sank. What was wrong with her she had a family? Hitting her head with her hand she didn’t understand what was going on. She was married to the man of her dreams, so why did it feel like she was holding on by a thread. Every second it got harder and harder to breathe, and she knew she couldn’t loose it now. Climbing out of the bed Liz knew she had to get out of the bedroom now. Quickly she went and got her a change of clothes out of the dresser. Then she made her way to the bathroom, and changed her clothes. Next she snuck down the stairs, and into the kitchen. Getting into the Fridge Liz found a container of mash potatoes, BBQ chicken tenders, and brownies in Tupperware with silverware on top.

“You found me out,” came Lucas’s voice, and turned around to see him cover in mashed potatoes, brownie patter, and BBQ.

“You are a mess. Where is Michael?” asked Liz.

“Grocery shopping. Mom got enough for yesterday and I brought my own supplies.” said Lucas.

“I see. Go get a bath, and you can borrow some of Michael’s things,” said Liz laughing.

“Okay,” said Lucas as he turned, and left for upstairs.

Liz put the Chicken, potatoes, and brownies on the table. Looking around Liz found a lunch box that was insulated, and she put everything before barley getting it closed. Going back to the fridge she stared looking for drinks, but she couldn’t find any. Shutting the door Liz saw two large thermoses with a yellow sticky note on it. Pulling it off Liz saw it was from the container and read it aloud:

Liz,

Lucas did the cooking as you most likely know. He wanted today to be perfect for you. I dropped off these hot chocolates they will be perfect for the chill of the day. Watch out for snow weatherman said there was a chance even this early. Have a good day and I’ll see you when you get home.

Love forever and Always,

Mom

Liz stared at the note for a long time that she never saw Lucas enter the kitchen.

“I grabbed you jacket, but you need to get a heavier one,” came Lucas’s voice causing Liz to spin around.

“Okay,” said Liz calmly.

“You okay?” asked Lucas.

“Yep, and I packed the lunch. I didn‘t forget the silverware on top,” said Liz trying to sound spunky.

“I figured I’d forget, and we’d have nothing to eat with,” said Lucas.

“Let’s go,” said Liz grabbing the lunch box, and hot chocolates.

“Let’s,” said Lucas as he helped her get into her jacket.

“Here we go,” said Liz as they made their way to the door as Lucas put on his jacket, and then they went out the door.

They started down the street walking for sometime. They walked down a lot of streets and finally Liz felt like she could breathe again. Liz didn’t know how long they walked, but they end up at the River Court.

“This is the River Court,” said Lucas speaking up.

“It‘s beautiful,” said Liz to him as she walked over to the riverside.

Liz looked intensely at the river, and the with no warning Liz jumped in. As the icy water hit her skin it was like needles on her skin, but she didn’t care as she sank in the water. Suddenly Liz felt arms around her, and she didn’t want saving. Kicking, and flailing around wanting just to end it all, and then there wouldn’t be anything to deal with. No matter how much Liz struggle soon she was on the shore again. Laying there catch her breathe Liz stare blankly into the sky, and then there was Lucas hovering over her drenched to the bone. Not being able to stand looking at him Liz turn her head away from him.

“Why didn’t let me drowned? You don‘t know me,” asked Liz with anger in her voice.

“You are my sister, and mom would blame herself. You would hurt Michael. He loves you more than anybody has a right to be loved,” said Lucas.

“My life is in shambles! I don’t know what is real,” said Liz turning to Lucas as the tears flowed down her cheeks.

“Ending it won’t solve anything. Life isn’t perfect, and never will be,” said Lucas taking her hands and getting his sister sitting up.

“It seem like a good ideal,” said Liz as she pulled her knees to her chest, and Lucas sat next to her.

“What is going on?” asked Lucas.

“It’s not good, Luke,” said Liz as her voice quivered.

“Can’t be all that bad,” said Lucas.

“It is so bad,” said Liz as tears ran down her face.

“Tell me,” said Lucas.

“It was about two months ago. Michael was away at a convention with the Parkers. I was all alone that weekend, and Saturday evening I decided to go to the park to walk around. Things were getting serious with Michael, and I need to clear my head. I wanted to be sure about Michael for myself, and not clouded by emotion. Someone grabbed me from behind, and. And,” sobbed Liz not able to go on because of the flashes of that night.

“Liz,” said Lucas wrapping his arms around her.

“I tried to get him off, but he wouldn’t let go. After a while it got easier to deal with. Then my world was turned upside down, and I rolled with the punches,” sobbed Liz.

“Something change pushed you over the edge,” said Lucas.

“I think I’m pregnant. I’m two months late. The first month I thought it was stress, but,” sobbed Liz.

“It’ll be okay. Does Michael know,” said Lucas.

“No, he would have felt guilty,” sobbed Liz.

“You have to talk to him,” said Lucas as he wiped the tears from her face.

“He’ll leave me,” sobbed Liz.

“Liz, you know that isn’t true,” said Lucas grabbing her shoulder.

“I’m afraid he will,” said Liz crumbling, and looking away from Lucas.

“He loves you. I’ve never seen a man more in love,” said Lucas reaching out and cupping her face he forced her to look him in the eye.

“Lucas, this isn‘t the first time this has happen to me,” said Liz as she pulled out a picture she carried with her everywhere, and handed it to Lucas.

“Your son?” asked Lucas.

“Lucas Nathan Parker, he’s three years old. My aunt takes care of him for me. I see him when I can, but every time I leave it’s like I’m dying inside. I can’t do it again,” said Liz as Lucas handed her the picture.

“Michael doesn’t know does he?” asked Lucas.

“No,” said Liz.

“I’ll be with you if you want, but you have to tell him,” said Lucas.

“Really?” asked Liz.

“Really,” said Lucas.

“I think Michael will want both of you children because they are a part of you. He loves you, and he knows they are innocent. You both might yell and scream, but in the end you’ll both be okay,” said Lucas.

“Do you believe that,” asked Liz.

“I do, and if not you have mom, Nathan, Haley, and me.” said Lucas.

“Nathan?” asked Liz.

“He seems to like you. He said it would be nice to have a baby sister,” said Lucas.

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep,” said Liz as a tear traced her face for Alex.

“Robert Frost?” asked Lucas as he reached out his hand and gently wiped the tear away.

“Yeah,” said Liz.

“The word seem to mean something,” said Lucas.

“My best friend Alex marked it before he died last year. It makes me feel connected to him, and gives me hope. Ever since I thought I was you know I wouldn’t say it cause I thought it was hopeless,” said Liz as she wiped her own tears away.

“A very good friend of mine understands what you are going through somewhat,” said Lucas as the pain was written all over his face.
“You love her?” questioned Liz.

“Yes,” said Lucas blushing slightly.

For the first time Liz felt like she was connected to her brother really connected. Although she could promise him she would never do something like this again he would be there to straiten her out. Once Michael knew he would never leave her side for sometime, and she wouldn’t blame him.

“Luke?” asked Liz.

“Yeah,” said Lucas.

“Is it okay to be broke?” asked Liz nonchalantly.

“Yeah, but it does get better. We all break sometimes,” said Lucas a little worried.

“Are we ever whole again?” asked Liz.

“I think one day you can, ” said Lucas.

“I hope so,” said Liz.

“Come on,” said Lucas as he helped her up.

“The stuff!” said Liz remembering.

“I got it too,” said Lucas as he bent down, and picked everything up off the ground.

It had been right out of sight the whole time.

“Oh,” said Liz.

“Here drink up. You don‘t need to get sick,” said Lucas handing her a thermos.

“Thanks,” said Liz as she opened the thermos, and started taking small sips.

“Lets get you home,” said Lucas.

Shaking her head and they were on their way. Before Liz knew it they were back at the house, but Lucas let her stand outside for a bit.

“Ready?” asked Lucas after sometime.

“I guess so,” said Liz as she shivered in the cold as the wind hit her still soaked body.

Liz went first, and opened the door with Lucas in tow.

“You’re back early. Elizabeth, what in the world happened,” said Karen as she saw Liz, and then Karen ushered her upstairs quickly.

It all snowballed from there. Quickly Karen got Liz to her room, and changed into warm clothes. As it hit Liz what she had really did, and then Liz started to apologized to Karen. Finally Liz broke down and told Karen everything. Together they cried together, and talked it through.

“Liz,” came Michael’s voice as he came in the room.

“I’ll go,” said Karen as she got up and left.

“What happened?” asked Michael worried as he approached his wife.

“Come sit down,” said Liz as she patted the pace next to her on the bed.

“Okay,” said Michael as he went and sat next to his wife.

“I need you to not interrupt me,” said Liz.

“Okay,” said Michael not liking it, but agreeing for Liz’s sake.

“Over three years ago before our worlds collided I was raped. A baby boy was the result of that night. I left Lucas Nathan Parker with my aunt to raise. Slowly I got over that night and trust men in general again. Time went on and the weird things happened in our lives. We got close and started dating sometime ago. About two months ago you were out of town, and I was at the park. It happen again I was raped again. That was the reason I refuse to see you for two weeks. My parents didn’t know, and after a while I was coming to terms with it somewhat. Then everything spilled out about my adoption, and we came here. We got married, and I thought it would be okay. Then last night I found out I’m pregnant again because of the rape. That‘s it,” said Liz.

First Michael got up and paced the floor. Next Liz started yelling at Michael for not saying anything. Michael yelled at her for not telling him, and then they cried. After that they yelled some more over stupid stuff, and they laughed while crying some more. In the end Michael and Liz ended up on the bed where they talked all night. Everything came out even though it wasn’t pretty Liz could finally breathe.

( P.S. The drama isn't over yet, so see what happens in the next chapter. Nothing is falling out of this writer's pen about next chapter or has it all ready? If you think you know what the secret of next chapter is email @ uranus_99@excite.com, and I tell you if your right or wrong. There is a hint!)