Ring the Alarm

Billie felt as though his muscles had disintegrated into a jellied mess as he made his way up the driveway to his house. Or presently, Adrienne's house. He hadn't stopped shaking since she called him and asked him over.

"I got your letter," she had said to him. "I want to see you."

"Give me five minutes." No sooner had they ended the call, then Billie flew from Mike's house and up the street to their 'home'.

With every ounce of strength he possessed, Billie tried to brutally quash any optimism he felt build inside of him. For the last month Adrienne had knocked back all of his advances of reconciliation. There was nothing to say that she had changed her mind and now wanted him back. He couldn't let himself feel hopeful because he knew that there was an overwhelming possibility that Adrienne wanted to see him to say one final, 'Fuck You'. But Billie was determined to not let that happen.

The front door was open so he took it as an invitation to go straight inside. "Adie," he called into the stony silence.

He felt like a criminal as he stalked through the deserted downstairs of his house. As he glanced at the wedding photos that lined the hallway, an aching sadness gripped his chest as memories of happier times glared back.

'You had all of this,' they screamed at him. 'And you fucked it up. Asshole.'

"Jees, no more pot for me," he mumbled to himself. "Talking pictures? What next?"

There was still no sign of Adrienne as he reached the kitchen. The pristine condition of the room again caused Billie's imagination to go into overdrive.

'See how much better the place is without you?'

"Go to fucking hell," he snarled. Disturbed at the tricks his mind played on him, he hesitantly perched on a stool that graced the breakfast counter, not wanting to piss the house off any more than he already had.

"I hope that wasn't aimed at me?"

The sudden vision of Adrienne entering from the patio area was almost heavenly to Billie's eyes. The sun gleamed through the glass behind her so all he could make out was her silhouette. Her beautiful silhouette; emanating all the grace and dignity of an angel.

"No. Of course I wasn't," he answered, jumping quick as a flash to his feet and opening his arms to greet her.

She took no heed of his invitation for a hug, instead choosing to seat herself opposite him. Billie noticed her hands were trembling. He also noticed the lack of a certain silver band that once upon a time, made comfortable homage on her left hand.

"You took it off?" he said, pointing accusingly.

Adrienne merely shrugged but then removed her hands from view and rested them on her lap.
"Do you know why you're here?"

The same criminal feeling that Billie had experienced out in the hall, slowly reared it's head again as Adrienne's question made him feel like he was standing trial.

In a way, he was. Adrienne's final trial.

"Uhhh, I'm afraid to say I don't. I didn't take the time to sit and wonder. I just came straight round after putting the phone down."

"I want you to explain this." Adrienne slipped the letter over the counter to him.

"Well---there's nothing to explain Adrienne. You wouldn't talk to me so I decided to write a letter that explained how I felt."

"What did you think would come from it? That I'd welcome you back with open arms?!"

"No, nothing like that! I wouldn't expect that for a minute. I just wanted to find a way to tell you that I'm not going to stop fighting for you. I wanted to let you know that I'm ready to do anything to get this marriage back on track."

"Anything?" Adrienne cocked an eyebrow.

Billie could tell immediately, from the look in her eyes, just what she wanted from him. And from the second that he decided to write the letter, he had decided that it was what he was going to give her---the truth. All through his life, Billie had been obnoxious and outspoken; pride was his biggest vice. Then from the moment he met Adrienne, he was humbled. From their very first kiss she managed to wash away all his bad traits; and replace them with an optimism and hope that had been his driving force ever since.

She really was his angel. His saviour. And he knew he could no longer go on tearing at her wings.

He needed to be baptized in her grace again. He needed to bathe once more in her light.

He reached across and gently rested his hand on her arm. Unlike her, he never took off his wedding ring. "Yes Adrienne---anything."

"I'm waiting---" her voice betrayed her deadly stare as it quivered when she locked her gaze with Billie's.

For only the second time in his life, Billie prayed. God had been ignorant the first time he had prayed when his father was ill. He only hoped he was listening now. 'Please don't let me mess this up. Please don't let her send me away,' he chanted inwardly as he drew a deep breath, ready to receive her judgement.

"I am so, so sorry baby," he tightened his grip on her arm. "It only happened the one time---"

Billie saw his wife draw in a ragged breath, tears threatened to spill down her cheeks. He hated himself for being the cause of so much of her pain. He knew she didn't deserve to be put through any of it.

"Say something," he pleaded. "Anything---"

"You lied."

Shame coursed through his body as Adrienne spoke. But it was the disappointed look on her face that made Billie want to sprint out of the door and jump in front of the first vehicle he saw. He could take her being angry and shouting at him; he could take her beating him to a bloody pulp; he couldn't take the fact that he had let her down.

Billie scrambled round to the other side of the counter and threw himself at Adrienne's feet. "I know I did honey, and please believe me when I say that I hate myself for it---"

"Believe you?! How am I supposed to be believe ANYTHING you tell me now??" Adrienne pushed him away and attempted to fly from the room. But Billie was quicker than she was and blocked the door.

"You have every right to hate me Adrienne, I know I'm scum. And I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. But I only lied because I was afraid of losing you. You've always said that if any of us cheated then it would be over between us, and I didn't want that to happen! I still DON'T want that to happen!"

"But I gave you chance after chance to tell me the truth and you didn't! You SWORE that you hadn't done anything!"

Billie was frantic as she tried in vain to push past him. He grabbed hold of her wrists to stop her from struggling. "Once I'd dug myself into the hole then I couldn't find a way out. I thought that if I changed my story and told the truth then it would make things worse. But I know now that I should have just been straight from you from the start because everything is such a big mess!"

Screaming in frustration and anger, Adrienne snatched her wrists from his grasp and made for the patio doors. "You treated me like I was stupid Billie Joe!" she yelled. "You insulted my intelligence every time you insisted that nothing had happened! You've made me out to look like a complete IDIOT."

In her rage she couldn't open the doors, so Billie took his chance and pulled on her arm so she faced him again. "Not for one second did I think you were an idiot Adrienne! I could never, ever think that about you. I'M the idiot for actually thinking that I could convince you nothing had happened."

"Too right you're an idiot! And you've hurt me for the last time! Get out!" Her fists beat wildly at his chest as she wailed in fury.

But Billie held onto her tight. "No Adrienne," he stated firmly over her cries. "I'm not leaving. You told me what I had to do so we could try and make this right, and I've done it. I've admitted I've done wrong and you'll never know how sorry I am for bringing all this shit onto you in the first place. But you said that if I sacrificed my pride and told the truth then we could try to work things out---and that's what I've done! Don't send me away when this is what you wanted."

"You think I want THIS?!" she cried at him, beating his chest harder. "You think I want to be cheated and lied to? You think I want to be this angry at you?!"

"No---you wanted the truth. And I've given it you. So please, PLEASE give me the chance now to make it up to you---"

"I can't---I just don't have the strength any more---"

And with that she collapsed into his chest as she continued to sob wildly. Billie felt her strike a few feeble punches but then she gave up completely and fell into a dead weight in his arms. He held her close as they both sank to the kitchen floor.

"I'm sorry," he whispered over and over as he pressed kisses into the top of her head. "Please don't make me leave, please---I need you Adie. I can't be without you. I love you."

Feeling too emotionally exhausted to move away from him, Adrienne remained slumped in his lap and just shook her head. "You might love me now, but you couldn't have loved me when you slept with HER---"

"Adie---I have ALWAYS loved you. And nothing will ever change that."

"So why Billie?! Why did you do it?!" Her anger came back with a vengeance as she tore herself out of Billie's arms and scrambled to her feet.

"I was confused, and I was scared---I've already told you this. But I have never been more sure of what I want than I am right now---and that's a life with you and Joe---just like we'd always planned---"

"But how can I be sure that you won't jump into bed with the first cheap whore you see, the next time you get scared or confused?"

"Because I'm never going to feel like that again! I acted like an ignorant child and put myself first when I should have been thinking of you. I married you for a reason Adrienne and that reason is because I can't imagine going through life without you. No one inspires me more than you do, Adie. No one. You've made me a better person and although I haven't acted like it recently, I'm going to spend the rest of life trying to show you how decent a man I can be for you---"

As he was talking, Adrienne had been trying to exit the kitchen again. But Billie had mirrored her moves and now had her backed up against the wall. She had her palms pressed to his chest keeping him a safe distance away from her. Billie wrapped his own hands around hers and chafed them gently with his palms.

"I'm so confused," she breathed as he took a step into her body and slowly traced his fingertips up her arms and down her sides before he rested his hands on her hips. "I don't know what I want any more---"

He took another step closer and with one hand, gently took Adrienne's wrists and guided her arms to wrap around his neck. His body was pressed so close to hers that he could feel her chest rise and fall quickly, in time with her shallow breaths.

"I love you," he whispered, his mouth just resting on her collar bone. "So fucking much."

He felt Adrienne shiver as he pressed delicate butterfly kisses around her collarbone and up the side of her neck. "I'm not trying to manipulate you," he said gently in her ear. "Just let me show you how much I need you---"

Although shallow, Adrienne's breaths were getting heavier and heavier by the second. "I'm so tired Billie," her voice was light and airy. "Tired of being angry at you. Tired of feeling sad. I just want everything to go away so I can be happy again---"

An animal like growl rumbled in the back of Billie's throat as he felt her take two handfuls of his thick, black hair and pull his head up so they locked gazes; there was barely a millimetre between their lips.

"Make it go away," she pleaded desperately.

Billie didn't need asking twice.