On the Edge

Months went by and I had been feeling grouchy and irritable and sad since Tom and the guys left. Christine moved in with me because she was afraid that if she left me alone that I might do something. I told her I was depressed, not suicidal but she still insisted on staying. I was actually glad for that though; I wouldn’t have liked staying in that house all by myself, especially not with all of Tom’s stuff still in my room.

After seeing me act so miserable and everything Christine told me that it was time to move on and I had to forget about Tom.

“Easy for you to say.” I scoffed. “You still see Gustav and talk to the guys.”

“No, I don’t see Gustav.” She corrected me and I rolled my eyes. “He’s still on tour; remember, so it’s impossible for me to see him right now.”

“If only it were that easy to just forget” I sighed after arguing with her. I missed him so much and it was hard to let him go.

“It would be if you quit acting so damn depressed all the time!”

“Like you wouldn’t act this way if you saw Gustav cheat on you and you were reminded of it because it was on the news all the fucking time!” I shouted back, tears filling my eyes. I hated when I cried. I felt so weak and like I didn’t have any control.

“Hun I know you’re upset but…”

“I know, it’s my fault, I should have let him explain and not jump to conclusions.” I sighed.

I wasn’t even the same person I was before. Nothing made me smile anymore, I would pretend to smile around Christine after the first couple of weeks but I couldn’t do it anymore. The spark that lit up when Tom was around me burned out the second I told him to leave. Truth be told, I missed Tom more than anything in the world, even if he didn’t miss me. The cute little smirk he got when we were alone, the breathtaking kisses he’d give me that made goose bumps form all over, the way he looked at me with those chocolate brown eyes and how he knew he could make me smile with that look or a simple gesture made me melt inside. I would kill to see him again.

“I wish I would’ve let him explain Christine.” I sobbed quietly onto her shoulder. “I’m such an idiot! Why did I let him go without giving him a chance?”

“Don’t beat yourself up hun. You were upset and didn’t want to listen.”

“What am I going to do? He probably doesn’t want to see me now since I was such a bitch to him.”

“Why would you say that? You’re not a bitch, Nikki.”

“Yes I am. I told him to go and never call me. I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t want to see me again because of the way I treated him.

She chuckled and I looked up at her, struggling not to yell at her for laughing. Personally, I found nothing funny about the situation. “He loves you and you know he misses you just as much as you miss him. Whether you chose to believe that or not, it’s up to you but I saw the way he looked at you. His eyes lit up whenever you were around him.”

“You really think so?” I asked, wiping the tears away.

She nodded with a smile, “He loves you.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Trust me.”