I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love

“Did I ever tell you that I love you?” I asked Chris as he handed me a beer. He shook his head, kissed my cheek and ruffled my hair.

“No, but I love you too!” he replied with a smile and walked off.

“I’m jealous now, I thought you loved me!” said Billy, faking to be hurt. He was holding a hand over his heart and was pretending to cry.

“Psshh! You know I love you!” I assured him as I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his cheek.

“Bullshit, you just declared your love to Chris!” he argued, trying his best not to smile.

“That’s because he gave me a beer!” I replied, holding my beer in the air, to show him.

“So, you go and declare your love to anyone who gives you a beer? Nice.” Said Matt with a chuckle.

“Aww! Come on! You know you love me, really…” I said with a big smile, Billy hang his head and sighed.

“You’re no fun, I can’t stay serious around you…! Anyway, if you love me and I love you, we should totally get married…” he said, resting his arm around my shoulder, smiling drunkenly at me.

“Oh yeah! Definitely… When I was younger I wanted to get married at the beach ya know, but since you are rock star, we should get married on stage.”

“Oh yeah! And Billie Joe would be our priest!”

“Okay, when are you getting married?” asked Cha.

“I don’t know… how about tomorrow?”

“Sounds good to me!” I replied with a drunken smile as I took a swig of my beer. If you hadn’t noticed yet, we are all slightly drunk. And maybe, just maybe I was the worst…

“You might need to buy a dress…” added Johnny. We were all sitting in our bus, Perfect Nightmare, Avenged Sevenfold and Good Charlotte. As soon as I had stepped in the bus I took a beer in hand. There was no way I was going to make it sober… It was getting late, we’ve been drinking for the last 2 hours and a half, everyone was taking part into our conversation. And you know what they say: so far, so good… Or something amongst those lines…

“Psshhhh! Me? A dress? No way! Jeans and a band T-shirt will do, right?” I asked, looking at Billy who had his arms loosely wrapped around my shoulders.

“Yeah… Don’t worry!” he replied, planting a kiss on my forehead. I grinned and rested my head on his shoulder as I took an other swig of my beer and choked trying to swallow the liquid while breathing. I quickly got up and rushed outside, before I spit the beer and started coughing holding on to the bus for support. I would have spit in the bus, but it was our bus and I didn’t wanted to clean the mess in the morning.

I coughed and choked for what seems like forever. I sat on the ground, my forearms resting on my knees as I kept coughing, hanging my head. I heard footsteps and then felt my hair being lifted up.

“Are you alright?” asked a voice. I swear I nearly choked again, but this time with my own spit.

“Yeah…” my voice was hoarse from all the coughing. I saw a bottle of water emerging in front of me. I took it thankfully and mumbled a quiet thanks.

“Try not to choke this time…” he said with a chuckle as he kept holding my hair so it wouldn’t fall in front of my eyes. I took a mouthful from the bottle of water and swallow it slowly. I breathed a sight of relief when I didn’t choke.

I felt cold fingers on my neck, tracing the outline of my tattoo. I felt the blood rush to my cheek and I was glad that it was dark and that my face was already red from the coughing.

“You like Green Day?” he asked as he kept tracing the outline of the Green Day ‘Warning’ logo.

“Yeah, they are my favorite band in the whole universe!” I replied truthfully, a small smile making its way on my face, like always when I was mentioning this band.

My hair fell back in place and he sat next to me.

“What’s your favorite song?” he asked, not even looking at me.

“I’ll say Good Riddance, but I love When I Come Around, Basket Case, Whatsername, Scattered, and oh damn, don’t even get me started!” I said, my face flushing in embarrassment.

He chuckled, took a cigarette and put it between his lips before he took a lighter out of his pocket. “You want one?” he asked, still not making eye contact.

“Yes, please…” I whispered. Smoking was my addiction, along with sugar and music. He smiled, lighted up the cigarette he had and then handed it to me. I thanked him and took a drag, then blew the smoke.

“I’m not a huge fan of Green Day, I do enjoy their stuff but I think Good Riddance will always have a special place in my heart…” he whispered and he lighted up his cigarette and put the lighter back in his pocket.

“It is a great song, may I ask you why?” The reason why I asked this question is beyond my knowledge, I never thought it would lead to…

“See, there was this girl I loved. Not loved like you said you love someone, but it was true love, nothing like I had ever experienced before… This girl, she was a Green Day fan, possibly more than you are… And for some reasons, that song always reminds me of her…” he said, taking a drag from the cancer stick. I mimicked his action. I wondered if he knew who I was, I mean that I was Matt’s sister and all…

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” I asked. Did I really want to know the answer?

“Kinda both actually… but let’s not talk about that… At least not now, because then I’ll start telling you about her and I could talk for ages…” he said, lightning up the mood with a chuckle. “The guys don’t like it when I talk about her…” he mumbled.

Obviously, he hadn’t recognized me…

I was about to ask him ‘why?’ when we heard the door opening again.

“Is she dead yet?” asked the unmistakable voice of Cha.

“She’s not dead yet…I’m thinking about giving the final blow actually!” replied Brian as he flashed me a smile. I smiled back, before I threw the remain of my cigarette on the ground. I was about to push myself off the floor when he held out his hand. I took it, trying to ignore the sparkles I felt. Once I was back on my feet, I immediately retracted my hand, pretending I was brushing the dust off my pants. I took the time to look at him. He was glancing at the ground, kicking it with his shoes… I felt an impulse and couldn’t stop myself.

“If you ever wanna talk about that girl, since your friends wouldn’t listen. I’m here ya know…” I said as I gently squeezed his shoulder and made my way back into the bus.

I went back to my sit next to Billy and rested my head against his shoulder. He kissed my forehead but then made a face. I knew he didn’t like the smell of smoke… I smiled sheepishly at him and then grabbed a beer.

I had no idea of the reason why I had this urge to know about that girl… It could be me, like it could be someone else… Either way, I had to know…