I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love

It had been a week since Avenged Sevenfold got on tour with us, and since I talked to Brian. I was exhausted. I hadn’t had a minute to myself! The week had been shared between being on stage and partying. I hadn’t slept in a real bed for what feels like ages…

Today, we didn’t have anything to do so the girls decided to go explore the town with their new ‘best friends’, Avenged Sevenfold. Good Charlotte had a photo shoot and an interview so I knew I wouldn’t see Billy until later…

I was enjoying some alone time. It was just me, myself and I.

I was lying on the couch, my head resting on a pillow, I was surrounded by covers. I was just wearing one of Billy’s boxers and my most prized possession: my oldest Green Day T-shirt, I had had it for the past 7 years and I loved it to death! It was completely worn-out, the inscriptions were almost totally faded and of course it was way too big for me. I was comfortably laying there, a bottle of Coke and bags of Skittles near me. ‘Jesus of Suburbia’ was blasting in the bus. I couldn’t ask for more! I was scribbling on my notebook, biting the cap of my pen every once in a while, trying to find inspiration.
We only had three month left on tour and then it would be back to the studio to record our third album. I couldn’t wait! I love being in the studio, watching Ash trying new beat on the drums, Jess always telling her to improve and Cha making sure we all wake up on time…
I couldn’t wait to go back to Cha’s house! Where it was just us girls, no boys were allowed around here, except her father… He was so cool! I kind of consider him as my dad now… We were all like a family.

I was writing something about best friends and boyfriends. I was thinking about something I had heard somewhere but couldn’t remember where… It was something amongst the lines of: Best friends are forever, boyfriends are whatever…. I liked it!

I yawned and stretched my arms above my head before I set my notebook and pen aside and lay down. I snuggled under the covers and let out a happy sight as I closed my eyes. I was so comfortable that I felt myself slowly drifting off to sleep…

That was before I heard my phone vibrating. I groaned and reached for my phone. I waited until I had the covers over my head before checking out the text. It was from Billy. He was asking me how I was doing, if I was with the girls and that he was getting bored because I wasn’t there and that it was taking forever for them to get to the photo shoot. I smiled to myself as I texted him back, telling him about my sleepiness and my little castle made of covers and pillows, but avoiding the fact that he woke me up. I set the phone back on the table and drifted back to sleep, I didn’t stay awake long enough to wait for his reply.

**

I stirred in my slumber and yawned. I rubbed my eyes, and lifted the covers so I could see what was going on in the real world. The sun was still high in the sky, they weren’t back. I grabbed my phone, read Billy’s reply and then checked out the clock. It was a little past 3pm. I had slept for 3 hours straight. I stretched, unwrapped myself from the covers and decided to get dressed. I had already taken my shower this morning. I was trying to button up my jeans when the volume lowered. I quickly looked in the lounge area to see Brian standing there. He had one hand on the little CD player and was rubbing his neck with the other. I tugged on my T-shirt, making sure it was in place then ran a hand through my hair and made my way towards him.

“Hi!” I said cheerfully. The wonders of a good nap…

“Hey…”

“What brought you here? I thought you were with the others, exploring the town and all…” I said as I started gathering all the covers and folding them up before I put them back in the bunks where they belonged.

“Yeah, well hum… You remember what you told me? That if I needed someone to talk to…” he started. I cut him off.

“Yeah, I remember. Take a sit!” I offered as I gathered the pillows.

“Actually, I was thinking that maybe we could go for a walk?” he asked in a low voice.

“Oh yeah, no problem! Just need to put my shoes on, and grab a hoodie!” I said as I did so. I slide my phone in my pocket, grabbed my wallet and three bags of Skittles before I followed him outside.

I put my sunglasses on, put the hood up and then shoved my hands in my pockets. He gave me a quizzical look.

“I like to travel incognito…” I explained. He just chuckled and took a cigarette, he lighted it and then handed it to me. I thanked him and took a drag.

“So…” I started awkwardly. He lighted up his own cigarette. “Your friends don’t like when you talk about her?”

“Not really… They say I gotta move on you know…” he said, before blowing the smoke.

We were silence for a few seconds. I broke it.

“So, last time you told me that ‘Good Riddance’ reminded you of her…” I started.

“Yeah, exactly… She was like, a huge fan of Green Day… She couldn’t stand a day without listening to them… Me and my friends used to make fun of her because of that. Not in a mean way ya know, just as a joke. I’ll always remember the day when Zacky said that Green Day was breaking up. She tear up almost immediately and started rambling about how she wouldn’t survive… It took us almost an hour to make her calm down and to tell her that it was just a joke. She wouldn’t listen to her at first but then, when she realized it was a joke, she jumped on Zacky and squeezed his throat. He went blue! We all cracked up but he was scared of her for a while after that…” he said. Brian was gazing at the skyline, a small smile on his lips. “That was part of the best days of my life…” he whispered with a sight.

“What happened after that?” I asked. I couldn’t help it, I was curious. We turned around a corner.

“We fell apart… And she left.” He muttered as his mood suddenly changed and he kicked an empty can that was on his way. “She could have warned me! I had no idea what I did wrong! She left just like that!” he muttered as he snapped his fingers. “So of course, I didn’t take it well! And I had trouble getting over it… I mean, she was my everything! And she just disappeared!” he ranted. He threw the but of his cigarette and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Where did she go? You didn’t look for her?” I asked, curiosity taking the best of me.

“I tried, but we had an argument and I did something that hurt her, so I thought she was just mad at me… I waited a few days but she didn’t call me. I was worried sick so me and my friends went to her parents; that’s when they told us she had left for good.”

“I’m not saying I would have reacted the same way as she did, but if you hurt her, isn’t it normal that she left and didn’t call you for a few days?”

“Maybe you’re right… But do you think a simple argument was a valuable to reason to jump off a cliff?”

My mouth fell open in shocked, that girl jumped off a cliff! I quickly closed my mouth and bit my lip. “Oh damn! I’m sorry…”

“It’s not your fault, you didn’t know! So like I was saying, we went to see her parents. They were the one to tell us that she was dead. She left a note saying that when they’d read the note she’d be long gone… To a better place or something of the kind. I read it, it was pretty obvious to me… They didn’t find the body, so we couldn’t do a proper funeral so we just gathered in their backyards and sang a couple of songs, one of them was Good Riddance…”

“Are you sure she died? I mean, if they didn’t find the body, maybe there’s a chance she’s still alive?” I said in a strangely low voice.

“I didn’t want to believe it at first. I kept talking about her, but it was hurting my friends too. Especially Matt…”

“Why?” My voice was so low, I don’t even think he heard me.

“Adeline Linda Sanders, she was Matt’s only sister… I can’t even start to explain how hard it was for him! He was the one who didn’t wanted her to come on tour with us, saying that she was too young and shit… He kept blaming himself for her death… So of course, me talking about her wasn’t helping him in anyway…”

I stopped walking for a fraction of second before I realized that it would be suspicious so I started walking again. My mind was blank. Part of me wanted to scream: I’m not dead! I’m right here!, while the other was terrified… I felt numb, like my legs were about to give up… I was about to say something but I was cut off by my phone ringing.

“Yeah?” I asked, my voice sounding weird. I felt a wave of relief when I heard Cha speaking on the other end. She was asking me where I was because they were back from their exploration. I told her we would be there in 5 minutes.

“It was Cha, they are back.” I said, trying my best to keep my voice steady as I looked at Brian. He smiled and we headed back to the bus.

**

We were all sitting in the lounge area, drinking and some of us were playing video games. I heard the sound of an engine outside. I jumped off my sit and ran outside. Billy didn’t have the time to stretch that I had already jumped on him, wrapping my arms around him and my face buried in his T-shirt.

“Wow… Are sure you two aren’t together?” asked Paul as he got out of the car. Billy and I both shook her head as he put me down. Benji and Joel simply shook their head, a big smile on their faces as they headed to our bus. Soon, it was only me and Billy standing in the middle of the parking lot.

“Are you okay?” he asked me, brushing the hair out of my face.

I shook my head and I started telling him about Brian’s story…