I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love

I was exhausted, both mentally and physically… For the past week I had tried my best to act normal towards everyone, especially towards my band mates. None of them knew about Brian, the only one who knew was Billy.

Brian considered me as his confident now… We were going on walks on a daily basis, most of the time he was telling me about the old times while I had to concentrate on keeping a straight face while listening to him speaking about our past relationship. Then at night it was the show. I had to go up on stage and sing songs about him. Then we were partying and he was always sitting next to me, talking about Green Day and all… I had to concentrate every single minutes I was with him, I couldn’t let my mind wander, I had to be fully aware of what I was saying, making sure I wasn’t saying anything I shouldn’t know, like the color of my old room, where the bed was, how many posters were plastered and the list goes on…

At night, I couldn’t sleep because I felt guilty for not telling him who I was. He deserved to know, but I didn’t have the guts to tell him. I was spending half of the night writing songs, the other part I spent trying to sleep… The only time I could sleep was during the day when Billy was near but the few hours I get to spent with him were getting rare, I was spending a lot of time with Brian, so I couldn’t sleep when I was with Billy.

I was on the edge of breaking down…
But on the edge only.

Perfect Nightmare was getting bigger in popularity… Not that I mind, it was just harder for me to go for a walk without being recognized. The fans were really nice though, and I loved to talk to them so of course I stayed, sign autographs and speak with them… But then it’s time for me to head back to the venue, and I didn’t clear up my mind…

I was currently sitting on the couch in the dressing room. It was more like I locked myself inside… I knew the tranquility wouldn’t last long but I was taking every chance I got… I even locked myself in the bathroom for two hours the other day…

I had my earphones safely plugged in my ears, ‘I just wanna live’ was playing and I had my notebook resting on my lap. I had a pen in one hand and a cookie in the other. I already had a couple of songs written since Avenged Sevenfold joined the tour and my inspiration was running wild, by the end of the month, I would have ten songs written, I knew it…

The door opened and Billy came in, holding the key. He didn’t lock the door.

“I knew you would be here…” he said with a smile as he took the sit next to me. I turned off my Ipod and put it back in my bag, along with the notebook and pen. I smiled tiredly at him. He wrapped his arms around me and lay down on the couch, pulling me with him.

“You got two hours or so before everyone comes in…” he whispered as he kissed my forehead and crossed his hands behind his head. I made myself comfortable and rested my head on his chest, wrapping my arms around his waist. I closed my eyes and let out a content sight as I felt myself relaxed and I slowly drifted to sleep.

**

When I woke up, we were still alone Billy and I. He had his eyes closed, his breathing was regular so I guessed that he fell asleep too. His arms were wrapped around me, holding me tight against him. Not that I minded… I yawned, closed my eyes and simply relaxed, listening to his heartbeat.

“Ohhhhhhhhhh… They are so cute!”
I tightened my grip around Billy and buried my face in his T-shirt. Someone please make Ash shut up!

“Shut up Ash!”

Thanks Cha!
I really didn’t want to open my eyes. I was perfectly fine lying there…

“Who wants to play Xbox?” yelled Jimmy.

“Me!” several people shouts and then I could hear them fighting over the game.

I wish I had locked the door… Billy stirred and yawned. I didn’t want to look up because I knew Ash was going to tell me all about her day and explain all the things she did with Jimmy… Like playing drums, scarring little kids and whatever they felt like doing.

“Halo 2!” screamed Ash as she started clapping her hands. If I ever got up, I’m going to murder her…

Suddenly I felt hands covering my ears.

“Ash, could you please lower your voice or simply shut up… Your singer is trying to sleep.” I faintly heard Billy’s voice. I smiled and sighed happily. But it was short lived…

“It’s my turn!” someone yelled. I sighed heavily and pushed myself off Billy, glaring at everyone in the room. Ash pointed at Jimmy while he pointed at Zacky and Zacky was pointing at Jimmy. I shook my head at them and got up, stretching. Billy sat up, making room on the couch. Johnny and Jess sat down, along with Cha while I sat on the floor, my back resting against Billy’s leg.

“Did you sleep well?” asked Cha with a small. I knew she was worried about me. She shouldn’t be…

“Yeah, thanks. Billy is the best pillow ever!” I said with a smile as I looked at him. He looked down at winked at me before he focused on the game, playing with my hair.

“You two are just so cute together!” said Cha. For a moment, I thought she was talking about Johnny and Jess who were snuggling on the couch. That was until I saw Benji and Paul smiling at me.

“Huh?”

“You and Billy, you’re just the cutest couple ever…” said Jess.

I exchanged a quick glance with Billy before we both started laughing. Every one stopped what they were doing and looked at us.

“Why are you laughing?” asked Joel.

“We aren’t together!” Billy and I both said at the same time.

“He’s my best friend! Sure we love each other, but not that way, right Billy?”

“Exactly!” he admitted, nodding. I kept chuckling while looking at every one’s faces, especially Benji’s.

“Damn! I thought you were going to announce a wedding soon or something…” he mumbled, before taking of swig of his beer. “Or that you were pregnant, I want a nephew…” he whispered.

I shook my head at him and grabbed two beers, giving one to Billy. It’s weird how people seem to think that there’s something more than friendship between me and Billy. Sure, he’s the greatest friend I’ve had, and he’s good looking too… But that doesn’t mean we’re together! Why can’t people understand that friendship between a boy and a girl doesn’t always lead to dating!

“Oh my God!” I blurted out as I reached for my bag and pull out my notebook. I quickly took my pen and started writing down some things that could easily lead to a new song…

“Billy, your turn to play!”

I moved a bit so he could stand up without stepping on me. He ruffled my hair and went to stand with Jimmy and the others who were playing. I could have sat on the couch but I was fine sitting on the floor. Brian took Billy’s spot on the couch and rested his hands on my shoulder, pulling me towards him so that my back was now resting against his legs. I was too caught up in my writing that I didn’t protest and kept writing as fast as I could, afraid my ideas would disappear if I didn’t write them down quick enough…

“Whatcha doing?” asked Brian as he leant over and tried to read.

“Writing…”

“About?”

“Anything that comes to mind, hopefully it will turn good enough to become a song…” I replied as I kept my attention on the page.

“Cool!” said Brian as he started playing with my hair, just like Billy did. I should have protested, and I would have if my creativity wasn’t running wild…