I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love

“Hey” he said as he stood in front of me. “I saw Billy coming back but you weren’t with him… So I thought I should come and check if you were okay.” He explained, pointing at the restaurant from over his shoulder.

“I’m fine, it’s just… I don’t remember anything so I was a little weird out this morning…” I explained, looking down at my hands and trailing off at the end of my sentence. He sat next to me.

“Where do you want me to start?”

“The bar.”

“Yesterday, you were at the bar… and I went to see you, to make sure you were alright. We drank, you actually drank quite a lot and when it was time to leave, you couldn’t stand up, so I helped you to the lift. Then, we were standing in front of your room and I asked you if you had the key…”

“Do you have the key?” asked Brian, his arm around my waist, to keep me from falling as he was holding my bag on the other hand. I giggled.

“I do. I just don’t know where I put it” I slurred.

“Listen, we can’t stay in the corridor forever, you will wake up everyone… It’s already 2 am and we both need sleep.” He said as we starting walking back towards the lift.

“Where are we going?” I mumbled.

“To my room.”

“Oh kinky!” I shouted before started giggling.

He shook his head at me and tightened his grip, “You need rest, you’ll sleep in my bed and I’ll sleep on the floor.” He explained as we came to a halt and he managed to open the door.

He opened it, switched on the light, dropped my bag and led me to his bed where he sat me down. He untied my shoes and threw them next to the chair. Then he removed my jacket. My mind wasn’t working properly. All I could think about was Brian and the fact that he was undressing me wasn’t helping. I was remembering him in Matt’s room, when he was showing some riffs to the guys; in the living room when he was resting his head on my lap when we were watching DVDs; in his room when I was pretending to do my homework while he was writing down things on his notebook; the way it felt when he was holding me close…

I opened my eyes to see that my jacket was on the chair, with my shoes and he was making his way towards the door to close it.

I pushed myself off the bed and stumbled my way towards the door.

I remember switching off the light. He asked me what I was doing and I cut him off by placing my lips on his…

“Why didn’t you push me away?” I asked in a whisper. He stopped talking and looked at me.

“What?”

“Why didn’t you stop me? Push me away? I was drunk…” I rambled.

“Because…” he sighed and dropped his gaze. “I didn’t want you to stop…” he admitted.

I dropped my head in my hands, focusing on keeping my cool and not hitting him or doing anything I might regret later. I had my fair share of regrets… No need to have more to add to the list.

I looked at the wall in front of me and got up.

“I need to think…” I whispered as I headed to the lift, leaving Brian behind.