I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love

“Lyn…”

I groaned and turned the other way.

“Lyn, wake up…”

I hide my face under the pillow. Soon the pillow was lifted off my face.

“Lyn, babe, we’re at the gas station, you need to wake up… Or do you want me to grab you something to eat?”

I sighed in defeat. As much as I wanted to go back to sleep, the thought of eating was really appealing. I slowly opened my eyes, blinking several times and saw Brian looking at me. He was holding on to the border of the bunk, smiling sweetly at me. I had to fight the urge to smile and peck his lips.

“Alright!” I said as I closed the curtains and grabbed my jeans at the end of the bunk. I put them on and opened the curtain again. Brian was nowhere to be found. I climbed off my bunk, thinking he had already left and looked through the mess on the floor, trying to find my shoes when I felt a hand on my hip and let out a frighten scream. I turned around quickly and took a step back, holding my fists in front of my face, ready to punch whoever it was.

It was only Brian. Instead of chuckling like I should have, I glared at him, snatched my shoes from his hands, put them on and hurried outside of the bus, not even taking a hoodie or waiting for him.

I went to the counter, to order my own food while everyone was already sitting at two tables. I mean, they put two tables together so we could all sit together. I grabbed my wallet from my pocket and was about to pay but someone was quicker than I was. I picked up my tray with my food on it and looked at my right to see whose hand it was and surely it belonged to Brian.

“You shouldn’t have, I can afford paying my own food.” I muttered as I brush past him and walked over to the table. I placed my tray between Benji and Jimmy as I grabbed a chair from a table nearby and then sat between the two guys.

I grabbed the bottle of coke, opened the cap and took a long gulp before placing it back on the tray and attacking my burger. I was aware of Cha looking at me from over the plate of pasta she shared with Zacky. I was also aware of Billy’s surprised glance and Brian’s sad one. I was the first one to finish my burger and fries. The others were still joking around and making small talk. I looked at their trays, it seemed like I was the only who was done eating…

In one swift movement, I got up grabbed my tray and headed for the nearest trash can.

“What the hell Lyn! Where are you going?” asked Benji, pointing at the empty sit by his side.

“I’m done eating.” I replied carelessly and I walked out of the restaurant, not even looking at them.

I knew I was acting like a bitch, but I was only doing this to protect the people I loved. You probably wouldn’t understand, and neither would they, but believe me, it was the best way. I grabbed my Marlboro packet and took a cigarette, placing it between my lips as I rummaged though my pocket for my lighter. I finally found it, lighted the cig and inhaled deeply, placing the lighter back in my pocket and looking up at the cloudless sky.

I had no idea where we were. It was dark, I was upset and I was too stupid to forget to take a jacket. I placed the cigarette between my lips once again and rubbed my arms to warm me up.

It was useless and I knew that if I kept doing that, one of the guys would come out and hand me his jacket. I quickly finished my cigarette in two long drags, blew out the smoke, crashed the butt to the ground and hurried back to the buses.

**

I stayed in my bunk until they all came back. By the voices, I could tell that there was only Zacky, Cha, Matt, Val, Johnny, Jess and Brian. My guess was that they left the A7x bus to the two lovebirds, Jimmy and Ash.

“What time is it?” asked Zacky with a yawn.

“I think it’s nearly midnight or something like that…” replied Matt, yawning as well.

“Well, if you don’t mind guys, I think I’ll call it a night.” Said Val and I heard her footsteps coming to the bunk area.

We had removed the bags from the only available bunk so Val and Matt could stay with us.

I heard her rummaged through the small bag she had taken with her and then she went in the bathroom.

“I think I’ll just go to sleep as well.” Said Johnny. His remark was followed by a chorus of “Same” and “Me too”.

“Aren’t you going to sleep Brian?” asked Matt, while everyone was already heading to their respective bunks.

“Nah, I’m not tired. I think I’ll just watch TV or something…” he said. I heard Cha sighing from the bunk just opposite mine. I knew she was looking at me, even though she couldn’t see me through the curtains, I knew she was looking in my direction. Matt got in the bunk.

“Goodnight!” said Val as she walked out of the bathroom and got in the bunk with Matt.

“Night!” was chorused by everyone, except for me.

“Night…” mumbled Brian from the living room area.

I had to fight the urge to just jump off my bunk and sat next to him, cuddling on the couch… I should have. I really wanted to…

But I didn’t.