Status: Completed.
I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love
Chapter 31.
I flushed the toilet, rinse my mouth, brushed my teeth and walked out of the bathroom. I grabbed my hoodie from his bunk and headed outside, putting the hood up and putting on my sunglasses. It wasn’t that cold and there wasn’t much sun, I just needed to hide my face. I hadn’t slept at all and the dark circles around my eyes weren’t something I wanted the world to see.
I spent the night thinking about a way to tell Brian who I really was, it was an obsession. I needed to tell him and I tried, but the few times I had the occasion, it always ended up with him telling me how much he loved me…
I let out a frustrated sight as I headed towards Billy’s bus. I would have loved a cigarette, but in my condition alcohol and smoking weren’t welcomed. I knocked on the door, silently praying that Billy would be here.
“Hey, look who’s here!” said Benji, smiling brightly at me as he let me enter the bus. Before I could say anything, Benji wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead.
“What was that for?” I asked, slightly taken aback by the gesture.
“I hadn’t seen you in a while, I just missed you…” he replied before punching my arm. I groaned.
“Yeah, way to show me you missed me! And I don’t understand why you said that, I see you everyday!” I said, taking off my hoodie but keeping the sunglasses.
“It’s not the same, you used to live in this bus! Now you live with Avenged.” He said, offering me a can of coke. I took it and thank him. He had a point, I hadn’t set a foot in this bus for at least a week… Since I found out…
“Hey Lyn! S’up?” asked Joel as he high-fived me.
“Nothing, you?”
“Same old!” he said before waving at me from over his shoulder. “I gotta go see Matt about that song we’re supposed to record together!” he said, blowing me a kiss and leaving the bus.
“Where’s Billy?” I asked, after I took a sip from my can.
“In the backroom, talking with Madelia.” Replied Benji as he took the sit opposite me. I nodded.
Madelia was Billy’s girlfriend, or something like that. She was a nice girl for the few times I actually met her. It was me who set her up with Billy after a show. They kept in touch and he was calling her everyday.
“Hey Lyn!” he said cheerfully as he sat next to me.
“Hey yourself!” I replied, wrapping my arms around him, hugging him tightly.
“That’s not nice, you hug him but not me!” whined Benji, pouting. I rolled my eyes.
“I’m her best friend, you’re not!” retorted Billy, smirking. Benji huffed and got up.
“I’ll leave you guys alone since I’m not welcomed here!” he said, trying to sound offended. I shook my head at him as he walked out of the bus.
“So, how have you been?” asked Billy as he carelessly wrapped his arm around my shoulder.
I bit my lip. Should I lie or tell him the truth?
I took off my sunglasses and looked at him.
“I’m running on no sleep, I’m exhausted, I can’t drink and I can’t smoke. I can’t even play guitar and my mind won’t work correctly and I’m sick, I hate myself and I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without throwing up. Does that answer your question?”
He blinked a few times before saying something.
“Okay, so the answer is… I don’t even know how to put everything you just told me in one word but that doesn’t matter. What’s wrong?” he asked, concerned taking place in his voice.
“Brian… I mean no, Brian isn’t the problem, I am. But Brian is part of the problem, he caused it, I mean not really caused it but he has a part in the situation… A big part and…”
“Lyn, you’re rambling.” He said rubbing my arm and looking down at me.
I sighed.
“I need to tell Brian who I am, I need to tell him now, I can’t sleep! I’m thinking about it 24/7, I’m afraid he’s going to hate me but I really need to get if off my chest and tell him. And, I have an other problem that needs a solution…”
“What kind of problem?”
“The kind of problem you can’t get ride of easily and the kind of problem that’s getting bigger everyday and is starting to show near 3 months or so…” I mumbled.
“What do you…”
“I’m pregnant” I blurt out, feeling better now that I had told someone, but at the same time, hearing me saying those words was making the situation more real.
“How long…”
“I took a test about a week ago, actually I bought three tests, just to be sure you know, and they were all positive…” I said, looking down at my hands, feeling my eyes watering up.
“Hey Lyn it’s going to be okay…” he assured me, rubbing small circles on my back and kissing my temple.
“How can it be okay? I’m a fucking liar Billy! And Brian doesn’t want kids. He said it yesterday…” I whispered, trying my best to wipe the tears.
He sighed, “Do the girls know?”
“Everyone knows, he said it yesterday…”
“No I mean, do they know that you’re pregnant?”
“Oh…” I whispered, feeling really stupid for not understanding his question. “No they don’t, but I think Cha is suspicious…”
“You should tell them Lyn, they’re your friends, they’ll probably be better in this situation than me.” I nodded slowly.
“Okay, I’m going to talk to them…” I said, wiping the tears. “Thanks for listening Billy.” I whispered as I hugged him tight and kissed his cheek before putting the sunglasses back on taking my hoodie and getting up.
“I’ll talk to you later!” he said as he walked with me to the door. I nodded once again and left the bus, making my way to the PN bus. Hoping the girls would be here, alone.
I spent the night thinking about a way to tell Brian who I really was, it was an obsession. I needed to tell him and I tried, but the few times I had the occasion, it always ended up with him telling me how much he loved me…
I let out a frustrated sight as I headed towards Billy’s bus. I would have loved a cigarette, but in my condition alcohol and smoking weren’t welcomed. I knocked on the door, silently praying that Billy would be here.
“Hey, look who’s here!” said Benji, smiling brightly at me as he let me enter the bus. Before I could say anything, Benji wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead.
“What was that for?” I asked, slightly taken aback by the gesture.
“I hadn’t seen you in a while, I just missed you…” he replied before punching my arm. I groaned.
“Yeah, way to show me you missed me! And I don’t understand why you said that, I see you everyday!” I said, taking off my hoodie but keeping the sunglasses.
“It’s not the same, you used to live in this bus! Now you live with Avenged.” He said, offering me a can of coke. I took it and thank him. He had a point, I hadn’t set a foot in this bus for at least a week… Since I found out…
“Hey Lyn! S’up?” asked Joel as he high-fived me.
“Nothing, you?”
“Same old!” he said before waving at me from over his shoulder. “I gotta go see Matt about that song we’re supposed to record together!” he said, blowing me a kiss and leaving the bus.
“Where’s Billy?” I asked, after I took a sip from my can.
“In the backroom, talking with Madelia.” Replied Benji as he took the sit opposite me. I nodded.
Madelia was Billy’s girlfriend, or something like that. She was a nice girl for the few times I actually met her. It was me who set her up with Billy after a show. They kept in touch and he was calling her everyday.
“Hey Lyn!” he said cheerfully as he sat next to me.
“Hey yourself!” I replied, wrapping my arms around him, hugging him tightly.
“That’s not nice, you hug him but not me!” whined Benji, pouting. I rolled my eyes.
“I’m her best friend, you’re not!” retorted Billy, smirking. Benji huffed and got up.
“I’ll leave you guys alone since I’m not welcomed here!” he said, trying to sound offended. I shook my head at him as he walked out of the bus.
“So, how have you been?” asked Billy as he carelessly wrapped his arm around my shoulder.
I bit my lip. Should I lie or tell him the truth?
I took off my sunglasses and looked at him.
“I’m running on no sleep, I’m exhausted, I can’t drink and I can’t smoke. I can’t even play guitar and my mind won’t work correctly and I’m sick, I hate myself and I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without throwing up. Does that answer your question?”
He blinked a few times before saying something.
“Okay, so the answer is… I don’t even know how to put everything you just told me in one word but that doesn’t matter. What’s wrong?” he asked, concerned taking place in his voice.
“Brian… I mean no, Brian isn’t the problem, I am. But Brian is part of the problem, he caused it, I mean not really caused it but he has a part in the situation… A big part and…”
“Lyn, you’re rambling.” He said rubbing my arm and looking down at me.
I sighed.
“I need to tell Brian who I am, I need to tell him now, I can’t sleep! I’m thinking about it 24/7, I’m afraid he’s going to hate me but I really need to get if off my chest and tell him. And, I have an other problem that needs a solution…”
“What kind of problem?”
“The kind of problem you can’t get ride of easily and the kind of problem that’s getting bigger everyday and is starting to show near 3 months or so…” I mumbled.
“What do you…”
“I’m pregnant” I blurt out, feeling better now that I had told someone, but at the same time, hearing me saying those words was making the situation more real.
“How long…”
“I took a test about a week ago, actually I bought three tests, just to be sure you know, and they were all positive…” I said, looking down at my hands, feeling my eyes watering up.
“Hey Lyn it’s going to be okay…” he assured me, rubbing small circles on my back and kissing my temple.
“How can it be okay? I’m a fucking liar Billy! And Brian doesn’t want kids. He said it yesterday…” I whispered, trying my best to wipe the tears.
He sighed, “Do the girls know?”
“Everyone knows, he said it yesterday…”
“No I mean, do they know that you’re pregnant?”
“Oh…” I whispered, feeling really stupid for not understanding his question. “No they don’t, but I think Cha is suspicious…”
“You should tell them Lyn, they’re your friends, they’ll probably be better in this situation than me.” I nodded slowly.
“Okay, I’m going to talk to them…” I said, wiping the tears. “Thanks for listening Billy.” I whispered as I hugged him tight and kissed his cheek before putting the sunglasses back on taking my hoodie and getting up.
“I’ll talk to you later!” he said as he walked with me to the door. I nodded once again and left the bus, making my way to the PN bus. Hoping the girls would be here, alone.
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1rst update =)