I Can't Help It if You Look Like an Angel

My heart was caught in my throat. My only thought was that he couldn’t be walking towards me; he was smiling widely, an open, friendly smile. But it couldn’t be at me, he didn’t even know I existed. I took a quick glance at down the hallway; there was no one there except me and him, Brendon Urie. Either he was smiling at the lockers, or at me, and with my luck, it was the lockers. I tried not to stare too much, and I tried not to stumble as I moved towards him slightly.

He was the guy that made me believe that all those things they say about love were true. He made me feel all the stuff you were supposed to feel, sweaty palms, butterflies in my stomach. I couldn’t even talk to him because when I get close, I feel like I can’t breathe. Right now, I was afraid I might suffocate as he got closer. I couldn’t help myself; sometimes I wish I wasn’t such a coward. I wish just had the guts to go up and talk to him, like every other girl in my school. Without knowing, he showed me that I didn’t always have to be alone. “Hey Michelle!” Brendon called, and I swear my heart stopped beating. Excitement bubbled up inside of me. It might seem silly, but I was so excited that he knew me, since I’ve never spoken to him except in biology where he sat next to me. And even there I couldn’t get a full sentence out.

“Uh, hi…” I said nervously. School had just ended and I was taking my time walking to the exit. I was glad I did in a way, I was glad Brendon saw me. I was so afraid that I might stumble and fall, but even the way he walked left me breathless. If I had to make a list of everything I loved about him, it would be endless. He stopped in front of me, but I continued walking, so he started walking next to me. I moved my hair in front of my right eye, the side he was on, so that he couldn’t tell that I was looking at him. “So, I’ve been thinking…” He said, placing a hand on my arm, stopping me. I turned to look at him, starting to blush under the intensity of his gaze. The butterflies in my stomach seemed to be going crazy.

He let go of me and looked down, chucking quietly. “Yeah…” I urged, reminding myself to breathe. “Look, I know it’s Friday, but I have no idea what to do for the assignment due Monday. I was wondering if you could just tell me what it’s about.” He said. I looked away from him, the excitement slowly turning to disappointment. Of course that was what he wanted, why would someone like him go out with me? Why would anyone want to go out with me? I looked away from him, but looked back with a fake smile on my face. “Of course,” I said quietly, “But I really have to go now…”
“I’ll call you later then!” He called after me.

I just nodded as I started to run out of the school yard. I wasn’t going to cry, not over him again, I had no reason to cry. I ran as far away from the school as my feet would carry me. When I was finally too tired to carry on, I stopped under a big tree. I looked up, pausing to catch my breath, but instead, I wanted to start running again. I was in a place I really didn’t want to be now, in front of Brendon Urie’s house. I didn’t want to have to talk to him again, it was something I’ve wanted since the day I first saw him, but not about school. I know it was stupid that I felt this way over someone who doesn’t feel the same, but I can’t help it if he looks like an angel. I just couldn’t help myself; he had a spell over me.

I looked behind me, feeling a bit paranoid, but with a reason. Brendon was walking down the block; luckily he was looking down, surrounded by the usual crowd of adoring girls. They were all so beautiful. It hurt me to see them around him, who knows how many girlfriends he has. I didn’t care how tired I was, or how far I had to run, I couldn’t stay here. My house was only two blocks from his, he didn’t even notice, or he didn’t care. When I couldn’t see any of them anymore, I slowed down. I started to think of that moment, or all the times I sat next to him and never said a word, it was all the time I wasted. He was perfect for me, and I should have told him that. I didn’t know how to tell him that, but I would have figured it out. Was I just so in love that I couldn’t tell him that?

I unlocked the door and walked in. Thankfully, I was alone; I didn’t have to talk to anyone, because I didn’t want that right now. I walked upstairs lazily, slamming my door as loud as possible, releasing some of my anger. I don’t get why that always happened to me, I wished he wasn’t like all the other guys, and that he would take the chance to know me. But of course, with all the other girls surrounding him all day, and tossing rocks at his window all night, he wouldn’t notice that I felt that way. I tried to push today’s events out of my head, but somehow, Brendon was always in the back of my mind. I had a book full of songs I wrote for him, and most of the time, I had to fight the urge to put one in his locker.

I lay down on my bed, closing my eyes, ready to fall asleep. My eyes were heavy, it was either because all I wanted to do was cry, or I was about to fall asleep, and I chose the second one. I fell asleep quicker than I thought was possible, but as usual; Brendon was in my dreams too, it was like he was haunting me without even knowing. I didn’t even sleep for three hours, but when I woke up, it was already dark. It was winter, so it was always cold and it got dark really early. My mind was clear when I woke up, knowing that I couldn’t stay like that forever. It was for from a secret, but like the rest of the girls out there, I had to try my luck, right?

I guessed that my parent’s weren’t coming home tonight, since they would have been here by now. It happened a lot, so I knew how to take care of myself. But just to be safe, I grabbed my black book and started to climb out the window. There was a big tree right outside my window, I climbed down it carefully. I didn’t think anything through as I ran to Brendon’s house; I knew he would be home. I would always hear him telling his friends about the girls who would stand in front of his house, hoping that he would come out. I didn't want to be one of them, but if that was what I had to do, then I would do it. I lived in a safe neighborhood, so I always went for walks late at night. It always helped me think or clear my mind. Just as I expected, the lights in his house were on. His room was on top, the one with a balcony. I always dream of us on there, as a twisted version of Romeo and Juliet.

They didn’t have a fence around the house, and for one, the lawn was empty. No one would be caught outside in weather like this, but I wasn’t like anyone else. I knew what I was going to do, I couldn’t believe it, but it was too late to turn back now. I smiled when I saw that the glass doors of the balcony were open. I ran to the closest part of ground from his window in the second floor of the house. The moonlight was shining brightly on my book, making it easy for me to see the words. Feeling unnaturally bold, I opened my mouth and started to sing.

“Hey Brendon
I know looks can be deceiving
But I know I saw a light in you
As we walked
We were talking
I didn't say
Half the things I wanted to

Of all the girls
Tossing rocks at your window
I'll be the one waiting there
Even when it's cold
Hey Brendon
Boy you might have me believing
I don't always have to be alone

Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic
I been feelin since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm I can help myself

Hey Brendon
I been holdin back this feelin
So I got some things to say to you, ha
I've seen it all so I thought that I'd
Never see nobody shine the way you do

The way you walk
Way you talk
Way you say my name
Is beautiful, wonderful
Don't you ever change

Hey Brendon
Why are people always leavin
I think you and I should stay the same

Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic
I been feelin since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm I can't help myself

The dim in the street lights
You're perfect for me
Why aren't you here tonight
Waiting alone now
So come on and come out
And pull me near

And shine, shine, shine

Hey Brendon
I could give you fifty reasons
Why I should be the one you choose
All those other girls
Well they're beautiful but
Would they write a song for you?

Haha
I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic
I been feelin since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm I can't help myself
If you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic
I been feelin since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm I can help myself
Myself...”

He looked down at me for a moment when I started to sing, but to my disappointment, he had disappeared when I started to sing the last chorus. I knew I had made a complete fool of myself, but I didn’t care, even if I walked away, at least he knew. I could still hear me, so I continued to sing loudly. Thunder and lightning had started to strike, and I could feel the rain coming, meaning that I had to walk home in the rain. When I finished the song, I closed my book, shaking my head. It wasn’t a waste, but I ended up walking away alone, like always. I turned around, starting to walk, when someone caught me around the waist.

I turned around to see Brendon, half smiling down at me. Before either of us could say anything, it had started to rain heavily and he leaned down to kiss me. In that minute, I felt happier than I’ve been in a long time. I guess I was different than other girls, or Brendon made me feel that way. When he pulled away, we had on matching smiles. “You know, this afternoon? That was only an excuse to talk to you…” He admitted in a whisper, making me laugh just as quietly. I didn’t reply, I didn’t want our kiss to end that soon.