Long Rides

Caleb and Alex stayed being friends with me. They didn’t seem to be mind with it. Things didn’t get awkward between us three, although Caleb and Alex had fought before.

Oh – Alex had asked for a kiss, right? I gave him one – on the cheek. He was going to protest about that when I shushed him and told him he should be grateful I gave him a kiss, even on the cheek. I only give kisses to someone special.

It was Christmas Eve today, and of course tomorrow is Christmas. I was afraid to have Christmas – afraid that my nightmares would come back, although I knew it won’t. For the next 17 years, at least.

Jonathan and I got pretty distant these days. He was pretty much avoiding me; it was obvious. How it won’t be obvious? I mean every time I tried to talk to him either he looked away or replied with a word or two. It’s starting to annoy me.

I decided to try to talk to him again tonight, during dinner. It’s not exactly dinner, actually. We’re only going to eat at a restaurant nearby.

He’d better want to talk to me.

Jonathan
I felt like crap avoiding Athe lately. I wanted to talk to her so bad and tell her how I feel about her, but I don’t think that’s right. My best friend likes her so much and I can’t stab him from the back, although I’m not sure of how Athe feels about me.

But she kissed you, right? That means she’s into you too!

I shook that voice in my head away from my mind. She doesn’t like me; she likes me like she likes a brother. I can tell by the way she looks at me.

You stubborn child! You know she likes you too!

No she doesn’t!

Yes she does! You’re just afraid to know the truth – to find out about it!

SHUT UP, YOU FREAKING VOICE!!

And it didn’t say anything again.

I sighed as I looked down to my laptop on my lap. I feel like a freak now, arguing with the voice inside my head.

Bored, I put my laptop aside and hopped down from my bunk. I went to the lounge at the back part of the bus and saw Caleb was on the sofa, reading a magazine. I thought he was outside with the others.

I sat down next to him.

“Hey man,” he said.

Guilt rushed through me as he spoke. He didn’t know Athe and I kissed… He didn’t even know I liked her too. But I needed to talk to him about this.

“Umm, how are you and Athe these days?” I asked.

“We’re good. She’s upset about you though with the whole avoiding thing. What’s up man? It’s not like you.” By this time he had placed his magazine down on his lap.

“Because I think I like her too…?”

His expression changed. “No way! Why don’t you tell me about this?”

“Because you like her since the first time you saw her! I can’t like my best friend’s crush!”

“Dude. It’s your feelings. It’s feelings. We can’t do anything when it comes to feelings, right?”

I bit the inside of my cheek. He was right.

“I don’t mind you liking her anyway. My feelings for her are starting to fade, and I think I love her as a sister now,” he added.

I nodded slowly. “You don’t mind if I kiss her…?”

“You kissed her?!”

“Not exactly me who kissed her! You kissed her too – you even made out with her!”

“So you’ve kissed her!?”

I wasn’t sure what to say. Should I nod or should I shake my head?

I couldn’t stand of lying, so I nodded slowly. Unsure.

“Why don’t you tell me you like her?” he chuckled. “It’ll be fair for both of us – when I still liked her, at least.”

“…You’re not angry?”

“Dude, why should I?”

“Because you’re seeing her as your sister…?”

He rolled his eyes. “Just like I said, we can’t do anything when it comes to feelings.”

“So you’ll be alright if I like her?”

“Of course. Besides, I think Ali is pretty hot too,” he grinned.

“No way! Dude, Ali’s Zack’s cousin! He’ll be so thrilled to hear that,” I said, letting sarcasm flooded through the words I said.

“Yeah. I’m sure he will,” he then stood up.

“Dude, where are you going?”

“Outside. To Ali.” He winked before walking out of the lounge. “Oh by the way,” he said, poking his head in. “You’d better talk to Athe and straight things out – she’s really upset of you avoiding her.”

See? She likes you!

Shut the fuck up!