Long Rides

I was feeling uncomfortable and unsafe these days, either when I was alone or with the guys. I was afraid he might shows up and takes me away… although he only called me these days.

Wait, only?

Right, Athe. Only.

My Blackberry played the guitar intro of Running from Lions by ATL, and I jumped by that. I immediately took the call without finding out who was calling, because I knew who it was already.

“H- Hello?”

“Ah, so good to hear your pretty voice again, beautiful.”

I gulped, walking away from the guys. “What do you want?”

“Nothing. I just want to hear your voice, making sure you’re alright.”

And he hung up.

This is what always happens. He calls, makes a super short conversation, and hangs up. I know I should tell someone about this, but I’m scared.

But I had to.

* * *

I walked into the bus and sat next to Jonathan. He put an arm around my shoulder and pulled me close.

Marc groaned. “I know you guys are going to be dating in a few days, but please! We already have the gooey Burns-White couple! We don’t need another!” he whined.

“I can’t help myself, Marc,” Jonathan laughed and kissed my forehead.

“Yeah, yeah. Just make sure to use protection on your bunk,” he muttered.

“Sorry?”

“Nothing, nothing.”

“Get your dirty mind out,” I growled. “Don’t be like super-perverted Jack,” my voice was muffled by the sleeve of Jonathan’s hoodie.

“GUYS!” Jack said, running to the front bus from the back bus, sounding and looking panicked. It made us panicked too. “We run out of snack!”

We all groaned. “Jack, it’s just snack,” Alex said.

“What am I going to eat on road then?” he doubted, chucking his shoe to Alex.

“You can chew your blanket,” Rian replied.

Jack groaned. “I’m gonna go snack shopping,” he muttered and took his shoe from Alex as he walked past him.

“Oh – buy me Gummy bears!” Caleb said.

“We’re running out of Capri Sun, too!” Austin said.

“Don’t forget my Gatorade!” Kyle thirded.

“Mini pretzels!” Zack fourthed.

“Pop Tarts!”

Jack stopped in his track. Jonathan sighed beside me and stood up. “I’ll go with you.” He kissed my forehead and they left for snack shopping.

I changed my position so my head was on Kent’s lap – he was next to Jonathan but Jonathan was gone so he was next to me now – and my legs were taking over the rest of the sofa.

“Leilah would kill both of you if she sees this,” Ali said.

“Who’s Leilah?” Arne asked.

“Kent’s girlfriend in Texas.”

“You have a girlfriend?” I asked and he shrugged.

“But Leilah won’t mind,” he said. “She’s an understanding person.”

“Sounds like a sweet girl.”

“Yeah,” he smiled. “She’s far more than perfect.”

“Aww,” I cooed.

“Shut up.” He blushed and poked my stomach.

A few moments later, my Blackberry on the coffee table rang out Running from Lions. My eyes widened.

Alex bent across, saying, “Athe your phone’s ringing—“

“Don’t answer it!” I cut him off and he stopped with his hovering above my Blackberry. “Don’t answer it,” I repeated.

He nodded and pulled back his arm.

“Since when your ringtone is Running from Lions?” Vincent asked.

I gulped.

I’ve got to tell them everything.

“Since Ben calls me,” I choked out.

“Ben?!” my best friends shouted.

“Ben, as in Ben Reeds?!” Verion screamed.

“The psychotic ex of yours?!” Arne shouted.

“The abusive ex?!” Vincent finished.

I nodded. By this time, Ben had stopped calling.

“Who’s Ben?” Caleb asked.

“Athe, tell them,” Verion said and I nodded slowly.

“Could someone sit next to me please?” I requested. “I’m – I’m scared to be in the edge if I had to remember the event.”

Alex stood up and sat next to me. “Thanks,” I whispered.

“So, um…” I started. “A few years ago, I knew this guy called Ben. He was really nice, and he used to hang out with the four of us, so there were 6 of us – Verion, Vincent, Arne, me, Ben, and this girl called Zooey.

Ben was the oldest in the group. He was 2 years older than me and a few months older than Vincent. I was 14 when I knew him, and he was really sweet, but I wasn’t interested to date him. Then I heard he had a crush on me, and I was slowly falling for him in a year. He was really, really nice.

And then, during the Thanksgiving the next year, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes. It was the happiest one month in my life that time, until Christmas—“

I felt a big lump in my throat, but I swallowed it down. “I can’t tell them,” I told Arne.

“You have to! Don’t expect us to tell them,” he pushed.

I took a deep breath, and continued. “We were having a great date, until that night. We went to his home, and his family was out. I wasn’t suspicious at all – I was really naïve. We were making out in his room and then he – he tried to have sex with me, but I pushed him away. He was angry, and started slapping me.

He showed me the real him that night. He abused me, and raped me.”

I let out the salty liquid out this time.

“I was afraid to tell anyone about that, so I kept it to myself. He didn’t only rape and abuse me that time; he did it so many times. A lot of things happened a year later. He made me doing drugs, drinking, smoking – all those kinds of things. I couldn’t refuse, because I knew he would hurt me. I was so scared.”

I sobbed. “That wasn’t the worst part. I… found out that I was pregnant. I told him that. He told me to do an abortion. And I did. It all ended during Christmas – Verion and the others found out about all the things about him, they made me spill it. They called the cops, and Ben got into jail for raping, abusing, and drugs abusing. Also because he was already legal and I wasn’t.

God, you guys probably hate me now!” I cried out.

“We… don’t,” Alex said from next to me.

“You don’t?” I sobbed.

“Yeah, we don’t,” Caleb replied.

“But – I drugged. I even killed my own baby.”

“He made you do that. You did it against your will,” Austin.

I sobbed again, looking down to my hands.

“Does Jonathan know?” Caleb asked.

“No – don’t tell him about this!” I pleaded, looking up at everyone. “I’m afraid he’ll hate me. I have such a dark past and… I don’t want to let him down.”

“True,” Kent muttered. “He thinks you’re so perfect, Athe.”

“That’s why!” I shrieked and wiped the tears with the sleeve of my hoodie.

“Is Ben doing anything to you besides calling? Is he hypnotizing you, or…” Austin said concernedly.

“No. Only calling, Austin.”

“Oh-kay,” he nodded.

“Hey guys, can I sleep here starting today? I don’t feel safe in my own van,” I asked.

“Of course,” Kyle answered.

“Thanks,” I smiled.