Can't Live Without You

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

You left me, Aiden. You left me here to rot in my pain and sorrow. And I, loving you with all my might could do nothing. Nothing, but hear how you left me; what had caused your horrible death. I lay, tears flowing, regretting me not being there to help. Especially, when you were always there for me.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

Even months later, my heart is empty, my life has no meaning. I still, to this very day, dwell on that horrible night. Tears fall like running water, soaking my face and body. Thoughts of you race through my mind second by second.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

I have always been there; through the pain, the suffering, the fear. Just as you were for me. But not that day, no. Not the day we had the biggest fight in our relationship. Nope. I wasn’t there because I was angry. I left your house, after saying ‘I hate you! I’m leaving and not coming back!’ with anger and tear filled eyes, as you stared at me with hurt written all over your face. I just left. But when I came back, after fixing and rethinking everything in my mind. It was too late. You had taken your own life. Leaving me with just one note.

The love of my life, Cammy,

All you need to know is three important words: I love you. I love you with all my heart and soul. But without you in my life, I cannot live. To you, I bid my goodbye with this one last note. I have left my heart with you and will continue to love you now and forever.

-Aiden

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

Seeing your hanging body. I almost had a heart attack right then and there. I completely and utterly forgot why I was so angry. Still to this day, I don’t even know how or why the fight started. I just don’t know.

I lay here, hanging on to those wonderful memories we had. Though those memories hurt, I cannot just push them away. As much as I want and need to, I just can’t possibly let go of our past together. It won’t go away. It stays, imprinted in my mind, reminding me of your face day after day.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

Day after day I feel more regret of that night. I wish I could just take it all and throw it away. But, sadly I can’t. But my mind, heart, and soul will not move on. I can’t bear to love someone else. It won’t work. Where ever I go, whatever I do, however I live, you are always in my mind and heart.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

Oh how I wish I could hold you one more time, kiss you one more time, hear your voice. For you to hold me in an embrace, comfort me in my sadness, and fight with me through obstacles longer, more, I would do anything. But I have nothing left, you have taken everything with you; my heart, my soul, my love, my happiness, my sanity.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

I try and try everyday to convince myself that you’re not coming back, ever. But yet, I still wait for you on my front porch every morning; waiting for you to come in your old Chevy truck to take me to the beach. You had promised. But it will never be fulfilled. Nope. I still look out my window every night, hoping you will pop in and tuck my in at night. It was our tradition. Not anymore though. It is all pointless, but yet, I stand there and wait.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

So here, on this day, I will visit your grave one last time. I will watch the sunset, one last time. I shall bid my good bye to everything and everyone that I know. Today is the day I come to join you, Aiden, my love. I cannot live any longer.

As of right now, I am watching the beautiful sunset, we used to watch from our secret spot. I visit that spot every day. And this will be my last time.

“I’m sorry, Aiden. I love you with my entire being.” I spoke my last words in a whisper as I brought the gun to my head. I smiled for the last time. Once the sun is hidden behind the waters, I will pull the trigger.

My last sunset. Aiden. Was my last thought as I pulled the trigger.