Holding Back Temptation

I walked to the school gates, and saw the security guard.

‘What you doing here, get back to class’ he said strictly

‘I..I…want to…,’A tear of anger ran down my cheek, yes I know, I’m 15 and I cry, So what, I have feelings.

‘Don’t try those tricks on me, you need a pass or you wont be allowed out’ he said.

‘Please I have…to get…ho…home…I’m in so much shit here, I have no friends, I hate life, please, I wanna….wanna…wanna..die!’ then I literally burst into tears.

His face changed expression, and he pointed at the bench next to him.

‘Sit down, Let me tell you something,’ I sat down and so did he, he wiped my tears with his sleeves, and I realized he looked no older than twenty in age, and; he seemed to care.

‘When I was your age, I was treated like scum too, I was never loved, but I didn’t give up like that, I tried to fix myself, people loved me more, they liked the person I was turning in…’

‘But you don’t understand’ I interrupted.

‘Of course I do,’ he put his arm on my shoulder. ‘So, what happened to you?’

‘Well, I’m not sure if I should tell you, you might think I’m some freak…’

‘Why would I think like that, c’mon you can trust me, I only want to help’ he said giving me a warm smile.

‘Well, I’ve lost a special friend, and well, I slit my wrist yesterday and as a way to release my anger and well…’

‘Yehh, I’ve been through that, you’re right people find pain a relief, and others have better solutions, but c’mon, who would want to hurt themselves, aint that like upsetting yourself even more…’

‘Well, yes it is, But it’s the first time I've done it, and the whole school literally knows about it now…’

‘But you know it’s not a good solution right, ya know, self injury…’

‘yeh, i guess.’

‘Girl, you have nothing to worry about, as long as you’re okay now, it’s alright’

‘But everyone…’

‘You shouldn’t care what others think, as long as you know your intention is right, ...you have to be strong.’

‘But, I have no one that cares, I have no friends, it’s easy for you to say, you probably have tones of friends out there.’

‘Look, girl you have me, and who said I wasn’t a loner. I used to be…’ He paused and put his hands on his lap, then stared at them, ‘I used to be, what the nerdiest person in my whole school, I never had any friends, but I told you, It was me that had had to change, you’ve got to remember people wont respect you until you show them you are respected.’

‘But I haven’t done anything, I don’t know why im a ‘freak’…’

‘Listen girl, you have to know everyone’s different. Some people here change just to be in the ‘cool’ crowd. Others prefer their individuality, and you’ve got to show people you’re different in your own way, and show them you want respect. Running off like that shows people you’re weak and that they have the opportunity to insult you, and play about with you’

‘Well, How am I suppost to change’

‘you have to be strong, and look confident, ignore what you don’t want to hear, and show people you have an opinion too…’

‘You don’t understand, its not about respect or anything like that, I just want a life’

‘you have one, you just have to have a life, and treat it like a life, and make it do what you want it to do’

‘emm…Okay, I’ll try…’

‘I want you to go back in there, and be strong, ignore what people say, and sooner than later some one will like you for being that new person’

‘It doesn’t sound very convincing to me, I can’t go back in there, and expect the best’

‘see, you’re not being strong, if anyone asks you were you’ve been say I wanted to talk to you about lateness, and other than that, I want a happy…emmm….whats your name…’

‘Juliana’

‘I want a strong Juliana, go on, I want you back in your lesson, don’t let problems wreck your education..’ He could see I was going to argue, I opened my mouth to open, and he took my hand and squeezed it, then gave me another warm smile. ‘Be strong Juliana, you have a long life ahead of you.’ I smiled back, and walked off.

I didn’t argue. He urged me on. The security guy. I made my way back into the building, as if I was revitalized, I didn’t have a care in the world of what was going to happen. I knew I was loved, even if it was just a security guy giving me advice.