This Is Where It Ends

The music was on a low murmur from the portable radio we brought along, and everyone was talking amongst their own little groups. Parent's with parents, couples with couples, everyone had their own little group but me. I didn't mind though, Mikey didn't fit in with any group either. He could have sat and chatted about his six weeks of parenting or he could have held is lovely fiancée close to him, and whispered sweet nothings in her ear. I didn't want to choose the parents because they were cooing over me, and constantly brining up my dead mother and family. I wasn't allowed with the couples because they didn't want to discuss new sex positions, or their favorite thing do in bed around a sixteen year old. Mikey and I were the outsiders on this tour bus, not that we minded. I spent most of my time texting Bella anyways, Mikey spent most of his spare time sleeping.

I was living out every My Chemical Romance fan's dreams right now. I got to spend my whole day with a band that saved lives, and changed the meaning of emo forever. I'm sure if I actually cared for this band, or their music I'd care just a little more than I do now. The way I saw it was me getting a second chance at a family, a first chance to get to know my dad. Everyone who was in on our little secret was sworn to secrecy by the bands manager, Brian Schecter. He didn't want 'Mikey's mistake' to overshadow the success of the album. Needless to say Bella wasn't happy about not being able to shove it in others people faces that she knew Mikey Way's daughter.

"Hayley could we talk?" Mikey asked, poking his head from his bunk. I looked around and noticed Alicia wasn't in the group with everyone else. Damn this meant that this wasn't a hey what would you like for dinner conversation, this meant it was deep, 'family' conversation. I shook my head yes and grabbed the cell phone off the floor and pried myself off the floor. I walked over to the end of the bus, passing everyone and getting weird looks from the parents group. I [i[hated that group sometimes. I walked into the bunk area of the bus and sat on the floor, leaning against Gerard's bunk for support. Alicia pulled Mikey on the floor while she sat on the floor next to me. They leaned against his bunk for support as they still held each other's hand.

"What did you need to talk about?" I asked, finishing my message to Bella. Alicia grabbed the phone from my hands and took the battery out of it. I gasped at the abruptness of her rudeness and just rolled my eyes. There were some people in this world I would never get along with and Alicia falls into that category.

"This conversation requires your full attention Hayley." She snapped.

"You could have just asked Alicia." I snapped back. Mikey rolled his eyes and put his head down in shame. He ran a hand through his hair and just let out a frustrated sigh. He broke their hands apart and held his head in his hands. Alicia pulled him into a hug which he kindly pushed away. I could tell in her eyes that it hurt her, but I could also tell that she understood that he needed his space.

"Hayley," He said, grabbing my head from my lap. "I know this is still hard to talk about, but I'd like to know about your Mom' family. You know, how they're doing, especially Phil." That tore at my heart strings harder than ever before. For the past two weeks all I've been dreaming about is my dead family, how their deaths haunt me every day. I didn't exactly know how to tell Mikey that my mom's family had passed, that I was the only living person on that side.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I thought of ways to tell Mikey. "They died." I said, it came out in a whisper. I didn't want to think of it, I didn't even want to my hear myself say it. I didn't want to remember my Mom's face when she heard about Nana. I didn't want the sounds of squeaking breaks, and metal crunching against metal when I thought about Papa. I didn't want to picture the blood and brain matter all over my hands as I crawled into the dark closet that once belonged to my Uncle Phil. I didn't realize that I was crying my heart till Mikey pulled me into a hug. "I just miss them so much Mikey." I cried into his shoulder. He rubbed soothing circles into my back, and just sat there listening to my non-sense.
===*===

"Papa," I started half an hour later. "Was killed by a drunk driver in 2001. He was driving me home from a party, and..." My voice cracked as tears resumed falling down my cheeks. "The driver ran a stop sign and hit Papa head on. The impact killed him instantly, I was lucky to survive the crash." I said. Mikey sat there eyes wide, Alicia wiping her own tears away.

"Hayley, my god.." Mikey began.

I cut him off. "Sh.. I'll lose my nerve and then you'll never hear about this again." He shook his head and listened closely. "Nana had passed from breast cancer two years before Papa's accident." I took in a deep breath and swallowed a scream of pain, my mind was begging with me not to reply this memory. "Uncle Phil," I blinked back a few tears and willed myself to go on. "Killed himself in 1996." I didn't want to go in more detail than that, but I couldn't shut up. "He shot himself in the head with his gun in the closet. I remember everything about that day. I ran into his apartment because I was hiding from my Mom, and I crawled into the closet because I didn't want her to know where I was." I took in a deep breath and let out a shaky one.

"Hayley I'm so sorry. I didn't know..."

"If its okay I'd like to go sleep know." I said, wiping away my tears and standing up. Both Mikey and Alicia shook their heads yes and mocked my actions. I smiled and whispered good night to both of them as I crawled into my bunk. My heart was aching and all I wanted to do was have my mom tell me everything was going to be okay.