‹ Prequel: Smiles Echo In My Memory
Status: last chapter has been posted; xoxo
Battling the Loss You Live For.
'Home.'
Home.
The word ran out in my head, echoing against my skull.
Where is my home now? My Mother’s house, where her and my siblings lived? The empty house which I was expected to occupy? The house in which Frank once lived? How could I possibly do that? Ever? I’d be reminded of him everyday, his sweet scent of cigarettes and cologne would stick to the furniture, the bed sheets in which I would sleep in, everything. Everything there reminded me of him, even my own bedroom at my Mother’s house reminded me of times I’d spent with him, or getting ready in there to meet him. The whole of Brighton reminded me of him, even my favourite restaurant, Fat Leo’s, where he had taken me for my sixteenth birthday. How the hell was I going to do all of this on my own?
Realising this, I looked up to Charley. He was looking down at me, a worried expression etched on his face.
“Charley… how… no, where?”
He sighed, tilting his head to the side and looking down at the clean, blue-and-white floor.
“I’ll explain everything later, okay? On the way to Brighton,” he mumbled, wiping away the stray tears on my face.
“Charley?!” I heard a shrill voice call. I let go of Charley, straightening my clothes and trying to fix my face. In the distance, I saw a blur of colours running towards us, and then I felt the cool floor against my back.
“Sazzy!”
“Ah, Sydney, get off me!” I groaned, trying to sit up, but to no avail. She was clinging to my neck, lying right on top of me in the middle of Gatwick airport. I heard Charley and Katie laughing, and pretty hard. I groaned again.
“SYDNEY!”
I heard her giggle, then shift off of me.
“Sorry. I missed you,” she said, sitting crossed legged on the floor next to me. I sat up, bringing my knees to my chest.
“I gathered,” I mumbled, rubbing my head where it got hit. She grinned.
“Miss me?”
“Like fuck,” I replied, grinning. Sydney stood up, happy with my answer and holding out her hand, helping me up. When I’d stood up, I was crushed into a hug by Katie.
“We missed you, auntie!” she yelled, a grin evident in her voice. I growled.
“I’m going to kill you.”
“You know it’s true,” she replied, still grinning. That, I couldn’t deny.
“Let’s go, ladies,” Charley declared, grabbing the handle of my suitcase and rolling it behind him, leading us to the taxi bay. We all climbed into a black taxi, Charley sitting at the back with me and Sydney. Katie got into the front, asking the driver if he could take us to Brighton.
“Brighton? I dunno. That is a while away, kid. It’ll cost ya,” he said, fiddling with his weird equipment.
“How much?” Charley asked from the middle seat. He had lent over, making the guy look back to face him.
“’Bout thirty. You got that kinda dough on ya?”
“We’ll pay it,” Charley replied, leaning back. The driver shot him a look from the rear-view mirror, and pulling out of the parking space, driving off in silence towards the motorway. Charley had his arm wrapped around me, and I leant on his shoulder, my eyes drifting shut slowly.
When I woke up, it was brighter. And I wasn’t in a car, either. I sat up, not really sure of my surroundings. A thick, white blanket was on me, and I kept it close to me. It was cold, which was quite weird. It was the middle of July! I heard a shuffling coming from the floor, then a light groan. I leaned down, and on the edge of the sofa I was lying on, was Charley, his back lent against the sofa, his legs stretched out straight in front of him. Katie was next to him, her head on his shoulder. I looked around for Sydney, finding her in a sitting position at the end of the sofa. They were all sleeping.
I looked around in my now-familiar surroundings, noticing I was inFrank’s my house. That’ll take some time getting used to. My eyes stung at the thought of him, and I got angry. I was sick of crying. Why couldn’t I just be strong?! I’d lived the majority of my life without him, why couldn’t I carry on without him?
I got up off the sofa, finding my hoodie which someone had taken out of my bag. Lying on top were the keys, and I placed them in my pocket. Rooting through my bag, I found my small white purse and my mobile, which I switched on. It was 9:34AM, and a Saturday. I put them both in my back pocket of my yellow skinnies, and grabbed my bag again to look for my sunglasses. I pulled them out, but a folded white envelope was laying at the bottom of my bag. I pulled it out, and unfolded it.
Sazzy.
Confused, I placed it in the pocket of my hoodie, and walked out of the room carefully, as not to wake anyone, and opened the front door, stepping out, and shutting it quietly behind me. It was raining. Typical England. I sat on the step outside the door, and pulled out the envelope.
It was Frank’s handwriting.
I opened it carefully, making sure I didn’t rip it. I looked inside it, pulling out a single sheet of plain white paper.
Sazzy,
I know you’ll probably be at my place by the time you’ll read this. I know it’ll drive you crazy, so I’ll tell you when I put this in your bag. It was hidden up my sleeve in the car, and when I put the house keys in your bag, I put this in there, too. I know, I planned it. But whatever.
I just wanted to write… That, well, this hasn’t been the easiest thing ever. You’re probably thinking that… I dunno, I don’t care as much as you thought, maybe. But, it’s not true. I care about you more than you’ll ever know.
You needed to be back here, in England. Your Mom will never, ever, forgive us if you stayed with me. I had her to think about - she’s got so much going on. The issue with your sisters, Shine getting abused by her husband, all of that. How could I take away another daughter from her, when she’s only just turned 16? I can’t.
But, the one thing I hate about all of this, is that you, are there, when I’m not. I can’t be there for your first days of college, to get take-outs for you when your on your period, to drive you around.
The other thing. I’m scared for you - you got a Kevin with you, there. Shine’s husband. I don’t like it… I hate it. Naturally. And it kills me that I can’t be there to protect you from that. I know you have everyone else there for you - Charley, Katie, Sydney… Rhea, possibly. But still… I want to be there for you. Always.
So, as much as I could carry on about everything I hate about you being there and me here, I think you’d get the idea. I could go on for the rest of my existence. But it has to be done.
We will se each other again, I promise. Whether it be a year from now or ten - we will.
I love you.
Yours forever
Frank.
xo
The word ran out in my head, echoing against my skull.
Where is my home now? My Mother’s house, where her and my siblings lived? The empty house which I was expected to occupy? The house in which Frank once lived? How could I possibly do that? Ever? I’d be reminded of him everyday, his sweet scent of cigarettes and cologne would stick to the furniture, the bed sheets in which I would sleep in, everything. Everything there reminded me of him, even my own bedroom at my Mother’s house reminded me of times I’d spent with him, or getting ready in there to meet him. The whole of Brighton reminded me of him, even my favourite restaurant, Fat Leo’s, where he had taken me for my sixteenth birthday. How the hell was I going to do all of this on my own?
Realising this, I looked up to Charley. He was looking down at me, a worried expression etched on his face.
“Charley… how… no, where?”
He sighed, tilting his head to the side and looking down at the clean, blue-and-white floor.
“I’ll explain everything later, okay? On the way to Brighton,” he mumbled, wiping away the stray tears on my face.
“Charley?!” I heard a shrill voice call. I let go of Charley, straightening my clothes and trying to fix my face. In the distance, I saw a blur of colours running towards us, and then I felt the cool floor against my back.
“Sazzy!”
“Ah, Sydney, get off me!” I groaned, trying to sit up, but to no avail. She was clinging to my neck, lying right on top of me in the middle of Gatwick airport. I heard Charley and Katie laughing, and pretty hard. I groaned again.
“SYDNEY!”
I heard her giggle, then shift off of me.
“Sorry. I missed you,” she said, sitting crossed legged on the floor next to me. I sat up, bringing my knees to my chest.
“I gathered,” I mumbled, rubbing my head where it got hit. She grinned.
“Miss me?”
“Like fuck,” I replied, grinning. Sydney stood up, happy with my answer and holding out her hand, helping me up. When I’d stood up, I was crushed into a hug by Katie.
“We missed you, auntie!” she yelled, a grin evident in her voice. I growled.
“I’m going to kill you.”
“You know it’s true,” she replied, still grinning. That, I couldn’t deny.
“Let’s go, ladies,” Charley declared, grabbing the handle of my suitcase and rolling it behind him, leading us to the taxi bay. We all climbed into a black taxi, Charley sitting at the back with me and Sydney. Katie got into the front, asking the driver if he could take us to Brighton.
“Brighton? I dunno. That is a while away, kid. It’ll cost ya,” he said, fiddling with his weird equipment.
“How much?” Charley asked from the middle seat. He had lent over, making the guy look back to face him.
“’Bout thirty. You got that kinda dough on ya?”
“We’ll pay it,” Charley replied, leaning back. The driver shot him a look from the rear-view mirror, and pulling out of the parking space, driving off in silence towards the motorway. Charley had his arm wrapped around me, and I leant on his shoulder, my eyes drifting shut slowly.
When I woke up, it was brighter. And I wasn’t in a car, either. I sat up, not really sure of my surroundings. A thick, white blanket was on me, and I kept it close to me. It was cold, which was quite weird. It was the middle of July! I heard a shuffling coming from the floor, then a light groan. I leaned down, and on the edge of the sofa I was lying on, was Charley, his back lent against the sofa, his legs stretched out straight in front of him. Katie was next to him, her head on his shoulder. I looked around for Sydney, finding her in a sitting position at the end of the sofa. They were all sleeping.
I looked around in my now-familiar surroundings, noticing I was inFrank’s my house. That’ll take some time getting used to. My eyes stung at the thought of him, and I got angry. I was sick of crying. Why couldn’t I just be strong?! I’d lived the majority of my life without him, why couldn’t I carry on without him?
I got up off the sofa, finding my hoodie which someone had taken out of my bag. Lying on top were the keys, and I placed them in my pocket. Rooting through my bag, I found my small white purse and my mobile, which I switched on. It was 9:34AM, and a Saturday. I put them both in my back pocket of my yellow skinnies, and grabbed my bag again to look for my sunglasses. I pulled them out, but a folded white envelope was laying at the bottom of my bag. I pulled it out, and unfolded it.
Sazzy.
Confused, I placed it in the pocket of my hoodie, and walked out of the room carefully, as not to wake anyone, and opened the front door, stepping out, and shutting it quietly behind me. It was raining. Typical England. I sat on the step outside the door, and pulled out the envelope.
It was Frank’s handwriting.
I opened it carefully, making sure I didn’t rip it. I looked inside it, pulling out a single sheet of plain white paper.
Sazzy,
I know you’ll probably be at my place by the time you’ll read this. I know it’ll drive you crazy, so I’ll tell you when I put this in your bag. It was hidden up my sleeve in the car, and when I put the house keys in your bag, I put this in there, too. I know, I planned it. But whatever.
I just wanted to write… That, well, this hasn’t been the easiest thing ever. You’re probably thinking that… I dunno, I don’t care as much as you thought, maybe. But, it’s not true. I care about you more than you’ll ever know.
You needed to be back here, in England. Your Mom will never, ever, forgive us if you stayed with me. I had her to think about - she’s got so much going on. The issue with your sisters, Shine getting abused by her husband, all of that. How could I take away another daughter from her, when she’s only just turned 16? I can’t.
But, the one thing I hate about all of this, is that you, are there, when I’m not. I can’t be there for your first days of college, to get take-outs for you when your on your period, to drive you around.
The other thing. I’m scared for you - you got a Kevin with you, there. Shine’s husband. I don’t like it… I hate it. Naturally. And it kills me that I can’t be there to protect you from that. I know you have everyone else there for you - Charley, Katie, Sydney… Rhea, possibly. But still… I want to be there for you. Always.
So, as much as I could carry on about everything I hate about you being there and me here, I think you’d get the idea. I could go on for the rest of my existence. But it has to be done.
We will se each other again, I promise. Whether it be a year from now or ten - we will.
I love you.
Yours forever
Frank.
xo