Battling the Loss You Live For.

“You’ve done what?!” I whispered harshly, my head snapping over to face Ani. Even Frank seemed surprised, as he lifted his head up a fraction, a shocked look plastered across his sleepy face.
“Whoa…” he muttered, before shaking his head slightly, letting his head rest again on my shoulder, mumbling “fucking hell.”
“What were you thinking?!” I cried in a hushed tone, aware that Charley, Katie and Sydney were probably sleeping.
“Well, you know what it’s like there, I-”
“Hey, how about we do this in the morning? Sazzy, you should be resting,” Frank whispered, already climbing out of bed, almost unwillingly. I smiled slightly, and then frowned.
“Where are you going?” I asked, pouting.
“To set up the futon for Ani,” he said, smiling in a matter-of-fact way.
“Go to sleep, babe.”

The next morning, I woke up tangled in the comfortable bed sheets, Frank sleeping soundly beside me. I blinked, brushing my hair out of my face, letting a yawn break out.
“Sazzy?”
I jumped at the mention of my name, before shuffling over onto my other side, facing Ani.
“Scared the shit out of me,” I whispered. She was wide awake, dressed in an old top of mine and some jogging pants, which I guess was mine, too. She was lying on her back, her head twisted, facing me.
“Sorry,” she said, grinning, “what time is it?”
I looked over at the nightstand, seeing the big, red digits, “11:01.”
“I’m sorry about last night,” she mumbled, looking away from me and up at the ceiling.
“It’s alright, babe. Just… we’ll sort it later,” I sighed. She turned her head to face me again, a small smile on her lips.
“Thanks, Sazzy.”
“No problem, kiddo,” I replied, smiling.
“So… I’ve been dying to know… When did Frank get here? I asked him last night, but he was sleepy, I guess. He just shrugged,” she said quickly, her eyes darting to a sleeping Frank, who was still laid beside me. I rolled my eyes.
“I’ll explain later. Go and brush your teeth or whatever,” I said, nodding to the small backpack she’d brought with her. She sighed, getting up and grabbing her bag, going into the bathroom.
“She’s smooth.”
I grinned, flipping over in bed to face Frank.
“You creep!” I said, not bothering to fight the grin off my face. He grinned back, bursting into song.
“But I’m a creep, I'm a weirdo…”
“Damn right you are,” I said, shoving him before he started singing more Radio-Head. He giggled, pulling me towards him in a hug, kissing the top of my head, then getting out of bed, moving to get some clothes. I sat up, watching as he grabbed a plain white tee, slipping it on quickly.
“It’s not like… bad that your sister saw me topless or something, right?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowed. I laughed, and his he relaxed a little, laughing too.
“No, silly,” I said, shaking my head. He grinned stupidly, before walking out of the room, Ani walking back in shortly after.
“Frank just kicked me out the bathroom!” she cried, crossing her arms and stomping her foot childishly.
“Were you done?”
“Well… yeah, but still!” I rolled my eyes at her, sighing.
“Don’t be such a baby.”

“We have to go to Mum’s,” I said, sipping on my coffee.
“Yeah, I gathered. What are we gonna do?” Frank asked from across the table, biting into his toast. I shrugged, scratching my head.
“You’re such a cock, Ani,” I grumbled, looking over at Ani, who was looking a little sheepish.
“Sorry!”
“Let’s hear why you went, then,” Frank asked, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand to rid himself of toast crumbs, and then draining his coffee.
“Well… she treats me differently than Sazzy,” she said, nodding at me. It was true. She did let me have more freedom, was much more relaxed with me.
“She just… it’s not fair. And when I came back last night from a friends’ she was screaming at me because it was late and it was only seven. It just broke the final straw, y’know?”
“Seven? Whoa,” I mumbled, rubbing my forehead. Frank’s gaze was set on me, his eyes not moving. He was thinking.
“Frank?”
“She’s… not strict with you?”
“Not as much as the others,” I replied, shrugging.
“Why is that?” he asked, blinking. I raised an eyebrow.
“I don’t know… it was always like that, I guess,” I answered, not really knowing why. I’ve always wondered, but just… never bothered to find out.
Frank’s gaze flicked over to Ani, scanning her, and then looking back at me.
“You don’t look like any of your sisters,” he replied. His face was set; his eyes were distant, like he was still thinking.
“Everyone said I looked like my grandmother.”
“Do you?”
“I never saw her. She died when I was really young,” I said. His lack of expression and general body language scared me, almost worried me.
“Frank?” I whispered, looking over and into his eyes again. The looked normal again, greener, almost. He leant forward, picking up his pack of cigarettes that were on the table, pulling one out and lighting up.
“I just find all of that weird. You got… freedom, Ani gets the discipline. How does that work out?” Frank wondered, pulling the ashtray towards him. He tapped the cigarette over it, playing with the tips of his hair.
“That’s what I’m saying,” Ani muttered, crossing her arms and leaning back in her chair.
“I don’t know. Listen, that’s not important right now. We have to sort this shit out,” I said, shaking my head, seeing Frank nod.
“Yeah… Ani, are you going back?” he asked, taking a drag on his cig.
“Only to get the rest of my stuff, I’m sick of it there. I can’t take that shit,” she said, shaking her head.
“But, Ani… you’re only fourteen. I don’t think – she’ll call the social services,” I reasoned, sighing.
“I don’t care. I have to settle it with her, then, whatever. I cannot go back there,” she complained, narrowing her eyes at me.
“Wait, hang on. I wanna know when you got here, Frank. I thought you stayed in New Jersey?” Ani said, practically immediately after her last sentence, uncrossing her arms and laying them on the table.
“I did. I came back about two days ago,” he explained, exhaling smoke after, letting it swirl around the room. He glanced at me, passing over his half-finished fag, letting me finish it.
“What… how come? I mean, why?”
“Ani,” I said a hint of warning in my voice. She raised her eyebrows. Frank chuckled.
“Sazzy’s touchy about it.”
“I can see. Are you going back?” she asked, giving me an evil glare. I rolled my eyes.
“Yeah. In two weeks,” he said, a small grin gracing his lips.
I zoned out after a while, just watching them talk. I couldn’t help but think that yesterday, I could have lost everything. Yesterday, Ani could’ve been climbing through a window into an empty room.
Yesterday, I could’ve died.
I couldn’t get it out of my head. It was there, lurking, reminding me over and over.
“... Sazzy? Babe, are you okay?” Frank called, his hand placed on mine, snapping me out of my thoughts. I looked over at him, seeing his eyes laced with worry, almost scared. His chair scraped back, and almost immediately he was knelt down beside me, both my hands in his.
“Sazzy… sugar, are you alright?”
“We have to tell my Mum. That we’re together."