Battling the Loss You Live For.

Frank’s Point of View
“You – what? We can’t!” I whispered heatedly, my eyebrows knitted in confusion. What was she thinking?! We never told her before because she’d disown her, never speak to her again, counting her as an enemy of the family. I couldn’t do that to her. No way.
She looked down at me, her wide chocolate brown eyes staring back at me glossily. They weren’t clouded like I thought they’d be – weren’t distant.
She’d made her mind up.
I squeezed her hands, still on one knee in front of her, looking deep into her eyes.
“I can’t do it, babe. I just can’t,” I mumbled to her, looking down at the floor.
“Hear me out, Frank,” she said, squeezing my hands back, a signal to sit back down. I got up, dragged my chair that was situated on the other side of the table, placing it next to her.
“Yesterday, I could have died,” she started, as I laced my fingers with hers, letting them rest on her knees. I pulled one hand away, stroking her cheek.
“But you didn’t, babe. I’m here,” I said, watching her expression. Her eyes softened at my touch, making me smile.
“I know. But I was thinking if I was gone, where would that leave you? No-one knows how much we love each other, and you’d be heartbroken, no-one knowing about anything, and I’d want you to be known, because… I love you.”
I didn’t say anything for a while.
During my short silence, Ani groaned loudly, slumping in her chair.
“You soppy fucks!” she complained, scraping her chair back and stomping out of the kitchen, the door swinging closed behind her. Sazzy chuckled, and I turned, facing her, a light smile on my face.
The door slammed open again, Ani looking bewildered.
“Yesterday, you could have died?!”
“Umm… Ani, give us a minute. We’ll tell you later,” Sazzy said, shaking her head, still smiling.
“No, its okay,” I interjected, my gaze set on Sazzy. She gave me a quizzical look, Ani sitting back in her chair attentively.
“Sazzy… I just – I-”
“I know. But I don’t care, Frank. Not anymore. If you think about it, anyways, what can she do? She can’t kick me out anymore, and if she doesn’t want to speak to me again… I don’t care. I love you, and if she doesn’t care about that, I don’t care about her.”
Her words ran through my head, bouncing off the walls of my skull. And I grinned widely at her.
“I fucking love you, Sazzy Massacre.”
“And I love you, Frank Anthony Iero.”
“Soppy!”
“Ani!” Sazzy groaned, her eyes shutting in frustration, whereas I chuckled.
“Way to ruin the moment, you cock,” Sazzy added, shaking her head, her eyes flicking open. I leant forward, brushing my lips against hers quickly, before slumping back in my chair, content.
“I did not want to see that.”
I flashed a smile at Ani, Sazzy’s hands falling away from mine as I spun my chair around, setting it at the table again.
“So… yeah, I almost died yesterday,” Sazzy began, before launching into the whole story, but not describing the little details to her, just giving her a quick over-view.
“Whoa…” Ani muttered her eyes wide, “I can see where you’re coming from, telling Mum about Frank.”
I sighed, whereas Sazzy nodded, a small smile on her face.
“You really don’t want to tell Mum, do you?” Ani said, a grin playing on her lips. I shrugged, then nodding in agreement. I didn’t.
“No. Because when I leave, she’s going to be depressed… again. And fighting with your Mom isn’t going to help.”
“Frank. I’ll be fine. I coped without her before. I had Charley and Katie and Sydney here for me…” Sazzy said, sighing.
“I know, babe. But you have to think about the consequences,” I reasoned, tilting my head to the side slightly.
“Frank. We are telling her and that is that.”

An hour later, I had showered and dressed in a pair of tight, light blue skinny fit jeans with rips at the knees, my pink studded belt holding them up, along with a Misfits’ Evilive shirt and a black hoodie.
Sazzy had also showered and dressed, her make-up applied and dressed in some black skinnies and converse, with a plain grey top and her faux leather jacket, the same one she wore yesterday.
“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” I grumbled, trudging down the stairs. Sazzy rolled her eyes, walking into the kitchen.
“Stop complaining,” she replied, her mouth unmoving into the grin that was hidden in her eyes.
Charley was sat at the circular table, a bowl of cheerio’s placed in front of him, a spoon in one hand and a cigarette in the other.
“Ew, you smoke while you eat?” Sazzy gawped, her mouth dropping open.
“Uh… yeah?” Charley said his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“Dude, that’s like smoking while chewing gum… but worse,” I added, sitting at the table opposite him, taking the fag from his fingers. He still looked confused.
“You know… when you chew gum and smoke, the shit goes into the gum and you get… like mouth cancer or something... and with food, it’s like… skanky. The shit goes into your food as well,” I explained, sighing.
“Ugh,” he grunted, a look of distaste on his face, “that’s rough.”
“Yeah… you could get stomach ulcers and stuff,” Sazzy stated, sitting next to me. I took a drag on the cigarette, passing it to Sazzy. She pulled my hand towards her mouth, puffing on it while I held it. I threw her a confused look.
“If Mum smells it on my hands…” she said, smiling a little.
“Oh… yeah, I forgot,” I said stupidly, nodding.
“Where are you guys going?” Charley asked, spooning more cereal into his mouth.
“My Mum’s… we’re telling her about us,” Sazzy claimed, smiling proudly. It made me smile, how happy she was that we were going to do this. I, on the other hand, was shitting it big time.
Charley’s gaze flicked to me, a grin on his face.
“Don’t you look happy about it,” he mocked, pushing his empty bowl away from him.
“I… think it’ll end badly.”
“Hmm.”
He shot me a knowing look, a small smile on his face, as Sazzy sighed.
“Frank, please,” she started, her eyes dropping shut. I shook my head, standing up from my chair and stubbing out the cigarette in my hand after puffing on it until it reached the label.
“Let’s just go,” I grumbled, pulling out the car keys for the rented Micra, picking up a pair of my black sunglasses from the counter, slipping them on.
“Ani!” Sazzy called, pushing open the kitchen door.
“Whoa, your kid sister is here?!” Charley asked, shocked. I nodded.
“Yeah, she snuck into our window last night. She’s run away from home… but we’re pretty much taking her back to sort out some shit,” I explained, running a hand through my hair. Ani walked into the kitchen, dressed in the same clothes as before.
“Ready?” Sazzy asked, pulling Ani’s hoodie straight. She nodded, smiling a little at Charley, waving. He waved back politely, before pulling out a cigarette from his packet resting on the table.

I was nervous as hell. I smoked the whole ride there, which wasn’t long, but it allowed me enough time for two cigarettes. Sazzy was getting pissed off, obviously, as she had to pull out her little bottle of spray that she carried around with her, spraying herself and the car, including Ani who sat at the back.
“Fucking hell, Frank! Chew some gum, your breath stinks,” she groaned, crossing her arms. I pulled out a pack of gum from my pocket, slipping out a piece, popping it in my mouth.
“Happy?” I asked, turning to her. She was still sulking in her seat.
“No.”
“Ani, could you give us a minute?” I asked, my eyes flicking to her in the rear-view mirror.
“Uh… sure,” she mumbled, her seatbelt clicking off and the door opening, then slamming shut. I watched her as she walked up the car park, disappearing into the alley, where the back garden gates are situated.
I turned to face Sazzy, sighing.
“What’s wrong? I thought you wanted to do this?” I started, unbuckling my seatbelt so I could turn in the seat properly to face her.
“I do,” she was still sulking.
“Then what’s wrong?”
“You clearly don’t want to!” she cried, looking at me sharply, her eyes fierce.
“Of course I don’t!” I said menacingly, my eyes narrowed.
“Don’t you trust me?! It’ll be fine, but you still don’t want to tell her, because you think that I’d die without her or something. But you clearly don’t realise that I’m doing this for us, so we wouldn’t have to be all – all careful all the time!” she yelled, her body now fully turned to me, yelling right into my face. I slammed my lips to hers, catching her off-balance, her frail frame collapsing into her chair as I lent over her. I ran my hands up and down her, finally resting at her waist and her hair. Both her hands were gripping at my hair, pulling me closer and closer to her. I licked at her lips, and she pulled away, looking up at me.
“…Fucking hell, Frank,” she whispered, her big brown eyes softer than before, “we keep doing this, all the time.”
I looked down, sighing, moving off her and back into my chair, my head resting against the head-rest.
“I know.”
I shut my eyes, hearing her move about in her seat, suddenly feeling a weight on me. My eyes flicked open to see Sazzy sat on my lap, her arms curling around my neck, her head resting on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her, letting her nestle her head into my collarbone.
“I’m sorry, sugar,” I whispered, stroking her hair.
“I’m sorry, too,” she mumbled into me, her breath tickling my neck. I smiled, lifting her head up by her chin.
“For?”
“Upsetting you,” she replied, avoiding eye contact. I let out a giggle, and she looked up, a small smile playing on her lips.
“What?”
“You look like a kid who just got told they can’t play in the street,” I replied, still laughing. She rolled her eyes playfully, shaking her head. I lent forward a little, pressing my lips against hers softly, our eyes closing. We pulled away after a few seconds, letting our foreheads rest against each other.
“Ready?”
“As ever,” she replied, smiling.