Battling the Loss You Live For.

Frank’s Point of View
My head was filled with ‘what if’ questions. I kept wondering how, and then racked my brains for memories of that night. My mind was spinning, spinning, hurting and aching. Then I remembered – we didn’t use a condom.
This is all your fault!
How could I of been so careless? I already hated myself somewhat for… that night. I had no self control. It only took me… what, five, six words for me to give in. I was pathetic. I am pathetic.
“Sazzy, I got a-” Mom burst into the room, looking flustered and her hair all over the place. She saw us, stopping immediately.
“Oh, Frank… Sazzy…” she said softly, putting the stuff in her hands on the table, and grabbing a chair. It scraped across the floor, stopping when she sat down on it right next to us. She let her hand run through my hair soothingly, asking for attention. I kept my head buried in Sazzy’s shoulder.
“C’mon, Frank.”
I looked up, rubbing at my moist eyes. Sazzy stood up, off me, and held my hand. My gaze was trained on my lap.
“I’m going for a cigarette,” I mumbled, standing up. I walked straight out of the back door, pulling out my pack of Marlboros on the way out.

“…What are you doing?” I asked, as I walked through the doors about five minutes later. Sazzy and Mom were sat at the table, Sazzy paler than I’ve ever seen her and Mom just looked… withdrawn.
“Waiting for the test,” Mom said, her eyes flicking to me for a second, giving me a weak smile. I nodded, joining them at the table. I’d just noticed the bottle of water sat in front of Sazzy, along with the pregnancy test. It just shook me. It made it real.
I felt fingers tangle with mine, and looked up at Sazzy, who smiled weakly at me. I don’t know what it was, but it just reminded me of that quote in ‘The Catcher in the Rye’ – or unless you’re with some girl that really knocks you out.
“It’ll be alright, Sazzy,” I whispered to her, then kissing her cheek. She smiled at me, kissing me softly on the lips.
“I know.”
She really does knock me out.
“Okay… I think you can look at it now…” Mom said, looking over at us. “I’m going to leave you two alone… okay… I’ll be in the living room,” she said nervously, before walking out swiftly, the door closing softly behind her.
I turned to Sazzy, who was practically shitting bricks.
“It’ll be okay,” I said, holding her as close as I could to me. She nodded, warming to me.
“You look at it, I’m nervous as hell,” she said, turning away into my shoulder.
“Hey, I’m nervous, too! And you peed on that,” I said, realising how lame it sounded after. She laughed, surfacing from my shoulder.
“Okay… we’ll do it together. One pink line means positive and two purple ones means negative,” she explained, sitting up somewhat. I nodded, grabbing one end of the white stick with my free hand, waiting for her to take the other end. She hesitated, and then did with shaking fingers. I started counting.
“One… Two… Three.”
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