Battling the Loss You Live For.

We’d started moving now.
We’d brought the bungalow, seeing as it was the most sensible choice, and the biggest. Almost everything was there now, too – all the furniture, the baby room had been prepared somewhat, too. We had decided that because we don’t know the sex of them yet, we’d go with neutral colours instead of having to wait to find out. I said I didn’t want yellow – if we had a boy, what boy’s room was yellow? So we’d gone for creams, greys, and whites. Sazzy really liked it, actually, and I was proud. I painted it in a whole weekend, with the help of my Dad.
Because I’d started College around a month ago, I hadn’t had much time with stuff, either – Mom and Sazzy hung out a lot when I wasn’t around, and when I was around, I usually had essays and assignments to do, so our time together was pretty treasured.
So anyways, the babies’ room was kind of sorted – both cribs had been assembled and in the room, along with some toys and stuff we’d already brought. We haven’t brought much yet.
We didn’t bother painting or re-decorating the rest of the house, it was actually already quite nice. The living room colour scheme was creams and browns, along with the kitchen and hallways. The bathroom was white and grey, and all sleek and stuff. The spare bedroom had been kept white, and it was kind of being used as a store room for a while. Mine and Sazzy’s bedroom was really nice – it was white, black and red, much like her bedroom when she was in England.
The basement had the band stuff in, so we’d started to practise in there. I loved it. It was great; we had a fridge down there and everything, along with the hi-fi system. It was just like the one at my Mom’s, but slightly bigger.

“We have the next ultrasound scan next week,” Sazzy said, taping a cardboard box shut. We were at my Mom’s, packing away the last of our clothes to take with us, along with my College stuff.
“Really? Shit, I keep forgetting. What day?” I said, taking the box away from her.
“Tuesday. Can you make it?” she asked, standing up.
“Yeah, I think so. What time? I have a lecture at eleven.”
“That’s alright then, it’s at three,” she said, picking up her handbag as I picked up the box of clothes, and we walked out of our old bedroom, out to the car outside.
“Get in the car, I’ll just get the last boxes,” I said, passing her the keys.

“Hey, are you hungry?” I asked, as I sat in the drivers’ side, starting up the engine. I checked my watch - it was just past one.
“Yeah, a little bit, actually,” she said, going through her bag.
“Have you seen my Gaviscon?”
“It should be in there,” I said, pulling out into the road. My eyes still on the road, I reached for the side of the door, pulling out a bottle of water and passing it to her. She got a lot of heartburn now.
“Thanks,” she said, taking it off me.
“So where do you wanna eat?” I asked, stopping at a set of lights.
“Hmm… I’m not too bothered, really. Where do you wanna go?”
I shrugged, my eyes flicking to her then back at the lights. “Pizza?”
“How about we just go back to the house and order a pizza, then? We can unpack and sort out some stuff then,” she explained, and I nodded.

“Frank?”
“In the living room!” I called back to her, as I heard her pad her way over.
“They’re moving again,” she said, a hand on the base of her back. I motioned for her to come to me, and she did, sitting on the floor beside me. I placed a hand on her swollen stomach, feeling the fluttering and shifting of movement on the other side of skin. It always felt so amazing.
“I was wondering…” she said, and I looked up at her, asking for her to continue.
“Have you thought of any names?”
“Names…? I’ve… no, actually. It… never really occurred to me,” I said, taken aback on it. I guess I’d had my mind set so much on moving, College, the band and her pregnancy that names never really ran through my mind.
“Have you?” I asked, rubbing her stomach softly. It soothed her a little bit because it hurt her when they moved against her skin.
“Um… kind of… I’ve been thinking about, my adoptive mother, you know, in England… and I was thinking, Marilyn?” she mumbled, lying down on the floor, grabbing a pillow from one of the boxes next to me to cushion her head.
“As in, Marilyn, what you were meant to be named?”
“…Yeah?” she said slightly apprehensive.
“I think that’s a good idea, actually. And it’s a nice name,” I added, smiling at her.
“It has a really nice meaning too, it means ‘star of the sea’. What do you think?” she asked, eager.
“Yeah, I love it,” I said, kissing her forehead. She smiled up at me, pushing my fringe out of my eyes. My hair had gotten really long, now, looking like a mullet.
“Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask… what do you want for your birthday?” I asked, realising how close it was. It was in just over a week’s time. She shrugged.
“Nothing, really… I’ll be too fat and pregnant to do anything, either,” she complained, a frown on her face.
“You’re not fat,” I said, scowling a little.
“I’m not skinny,” she grumbled, pouting.
“You’re pregnant,” I explained, tapping her lightly on the cheek.
“And it’s your fault!” she complained, poking me in the cheek. I fought against my grin; she was having another one of her mood swings.
“Sazzy…” I said in a playful tone, making her sigh.
“Sorry!” I pecked her on the lips, sitting up properly.
“Okay, I’m gonna go and fix the bed up, alright? The TV has already been set up, and the basic stuff is already up and running,” I explained, standing up before I grabbed her outstretched hand, helping her to her feet.
“I’ll order a pizza. Do you want the usual?” she asked, brushing off her navy blue maternity jeans and straightening her plain black t-shirt, stretched over her bump.
“Yeah,” I said, picking up the pillow she used on the floor and putting it back in the box, taking it to the bedroom.