Battling the Loss You Live For.

Sazzy’s Point of view
“Hey… Mikey?” I said, surprised.
“Yeah, is it alright if I come in?” he asked, looking a little nervous. I was pretty shocked. I didn’t think Mikey and Frank were that close, really.
“Yeah, sure… but Frank’s not in right now, he’s at-”
“College, I know. It was you I needed to talk to, actually,” he said, stepping in, and I closed the door. I gestured towards the living room, and he walked in, sitting on the sofa. I sat by him.
“Do you want a drink or something?”
“No, I’m alright thanks. I came here about Frank’s birthday. It’s on Halloween, right?” he asked, pulling out his slim, silver mobile phone.
“Uh, yeah, why?” I replied. I was still really confused. I guess he kind of realised, because he looked up, a small smile on his face.
“Um, I know you probably think that this is really weird and stuff,” he started, letting out a nervous laugh, “and you might think that I don’t know Frank all that well and all, but we kinda do… we watch Pencey Prep practice once in a while and we hang out and stuff after sometimes.”
“Oh… I didn’t really know, sorry… …we?” I was all jumbled up. I recognised his eyes… they reminded me of something or someone, but I couldn’t place what or who. Similar to Frank’s, maybe? But they were brown… Frank’s go brown when he’s upset or angry.
“Ah, yeah. Me, my brother Gerard… his friend Matt and Toro,” he explained, shrugging.
“Oh, okay,” I said, pushing the familiarity of his eyes to the back of my mind for now.
“Anyways, we wanted to know if you had anything pla…” he trailed off, staring at my hand that rested on my knee.
“Are you- are you guys engaged or something?” he asked his mouth slightly agape, his eyes wide.
“No, no. It’s a promise ring… he gave it to me on my birthday,” I explained, looking down at the silver band that graced my ring finger.
“Aw, that’s so nice. Congratulations,” he said, grinning at me. “When was your birthday?”
“Two days ago,” I said, grinning.
“Wow, fuck. Happy Birthday,” he said, surprised.
“Thanks. Anyways, you were saying…” I said, trying to move the conversation along.
“Yeah. Right, well, we wanted to know if you had any plans for Frank’s birthday, because we were thinking of throwing a surprise party over at Eyeball,” he explained, pressing buttons on his phone, his eyes flicking back and forth from me to his phone.
“…Not really, to be honest, I was pretty stuck on what to do,” I admitted, leaning back into the sofa. My back killed and it didn’t help that the babies kept moving and kicking and stuff.
“A surprise party sounds pretty sweet.”
“Alright, that’s great. Hey, would you mind giving me your number and stuff, so you know we can sort some stuff out and-”
“Yeah, it’s cool,” I said, picking up my phone and reading out my number to him, and he miss called it, swapping numbers.
“Cool… okay, we were thinking about 6 at Eyeball Records? You know where that is?” he asked, sliding his phone back into his pocket.
“Yeah… the place in Pompton Lakes?” I replied, fidgeting slightly.
“Yup, that’s the one. Federal Hill Road. Do you think you could get him there at 6? On Halloween?” he asked, hopeful. I nodded.
“Yeah, I could do that. I’ll ring you or something when we’re about to leave.”
“That’s great. Thanks, Sazzy. I’ll text you or something with like updates and stuff. Don’t worry, we’ll sort everything out, okay?” he said, smiling. I smiled back, nodding again.
“Thanks.”
With that, he hugged me and left.

“Sazzy, how are you?”
“Hey, Mum,” I said through the phone, grinning.
“Is everything alright? How are the babies?” Linda asked, sounding much more relaxed. She was always on the edge now-a-days.
“They’re great, really good. Kicking and moving like anything. I just wanted to… ask you…” I mumbled, trailing off, getting all nervous.
“What is it?”
“Um… well… did – err – did Frank tell you what… he was going to do on my birthday?” I asked, turning the volume down on the TV. She was silent, thinking.
“I… no… did he do something stupid?”
“No. He did something the complete opposite; he gave me a promise ring.”
“He did what?!” she cried, her tone shocked and surprised, “that’s wonderful!”
I giggled, making her do so.
“I’m so happy for you guys, congratulations!”
“Thanks. But the reason I rang you…” I replied, moving it along quickly, seeing the clock on the wall.
“I want to get him one that matches mine for his birthday.”
“Oh, okay. Well, do you know if anyone else went with him to get the ring?” she asked, and I could tell she’d poured herself a mug of coffee.
“I’m not sure. I was actually wondering if you could ask Cheech.”
“Ah, of course! You’ve obviously thought about this. Hang on a sec, let me see if he’s around,” she said, before the phone became muffled and voices stifled.
“Sazzy, baby!” Cheech cried into the phone, making me laugh hysterically.
“Daddy, baby!”
“So Frank popped the promising question? Congratulations,” he said, after his laughter subsided.
“Yup, he did, and thanks. I was wondering… about the ring,” I started, before he made an ‘ahh’ noise.
“It’s lovely, isn’t it?”
“Yeah! So did you get it with him?” I asked, getting slightly excited, before anxious when I looked at the clock.
“No, I didn’t. But he showed me it, and I know what it is, it’s-”
“Sazzy, I’m back!”
“Shit! I got to go Dad, I’ll ring you later, he’s home,” I said, panicking as I hung up.
“Sazzy?” Frank called, and I heard his keys drop into the bowl.
“Living room, babe!” I called back, and heard his footsteps grow louder as he came in, sliding next to me on the sofa. He wound his arm around my shoulders, pecking me on the lips.
“Why is the volume turned down so low? Pass the remote,” he said, his brow furrowed at the almost silent TV screen. I passed him the black remote control silently, and he turned it up.
“How was college? And practise?” I asked, nestling into his side. He smelt like cigarettes.
“Good. I got another essay to write though, but it’s not too bad. How’s Marilyn and Unnamed?” he asked, placing a hand on my swollen belly, kissing it. We’d developed a habit of calling the boy baby ‘Unnamed’ as we’d already found one for the girl.
“They’re okay. They’ve really been moving today, though. Not so much kicking, but moving. I think because I’ve been talking a lot today,” I rambled, as Frank cooed at my bump.
“Really? Can I still sing to them today? We wrote a new song at practise on acoustic, I wanted to know what you think, too,” he said, sitting up and curling his arm around me again.
“Yeah, of course. Oh, Frank, have you eaten? Jesus, is there any Pot Noodle in the cupboards?”
“Yeah, I have. But there’s only the chicken and mushroom flavour, and I know you hate that, so do you want me to go out and-”
“Chicken and mushroom?”
“Yeah…”
“Make it for me?”