Battling the Loss You Live For.

“Hey, Sizzle!”
“Gee!” I cried from the kitchen, wiping my fringe out of my eyes. I still haven’t got my hair cut yet. I’ve cut Frank’s for him, because he looked like some weed-smoking burn-out towards the middle of November.
Lucky I took that hairdressing course.
“So my Mom wants to know when she’s gonna meet the preggers chick,” Gerard said, leaning on the doorframe of the kitchen, his arms crossed against his chest and a light layer of snow dusting the shoulders of his leather jacket. I grinned at him.
“Whenever… why does she wanna meet me?”
“Well she’s met Frank, I guess she wants to know who he’s bangin’,” he said, a mischievous grin on his face. I scowled.
“That is so vulgar!” I said; a hand placed on my hip.
“Man, when you do that, you look like Ma.”
I gave him a glare.
“Sorry,” he said, the grin still evident on his face as he raised his hands up.
“Got anything to eat?”

Everyone kind of chilled out around the house now – probably because we were the only ones with a house. Nyona and Sophii were renting, and during November 5th, they threw a huge party that made the landlord so pissed that he said that if they gave a chance for the neighbours to complain again, they were out. And their neighbours were old people with hearing like hound dogs, so we pretty much hardly ever went over there now.

“Do you ever eat anywhere else?” I sighed, opening the fridge to see what was there, “no.”
“Ah, man. Anything in the freezer?” he moaned, walking towards it as I got back to loading the washing machine. I flicked the button on, setting it to wash the whites.
“Ice cream… I don’t really do frozen food,” I explained, shrugging, and sat at the tiny table.
Our kitchen was quite small, but organised. The table was small and kind of stuck out from the wall, attached to it, with four wooden dining chairs around it. The stove and worktops were located on the adjacent wall, the washing machine behind the table and the fridge-freezer kind of next to it, buy the door.
“Wanna pig out on some chocolate fudge brownie?” Gee asked, holding up the cardboard Ben & Jerry’s tub. I nodded, smiling at him and grabbing two spoons. He sat opposite me, flipping open the lid.
“So…” Gee started, picking at the ice cream in front of him, “my Mom wanted to invite you and Frank-oh to Thanksgiving. Are you up for it?”
Thanksgiving Day with the Way’s sounded awesome.
But wouldn’t we be spending it with Linda and Cheech?
“I’d love to, but I think we might be spending it with Frank’s parents-”
“They’re going away for Thanksgiving, to LA to spend it with Frank’s uncle Joe. They’re gonna tell you guys tomorrow, when they get their tickets finalised, so don’t tell them I told you,” Gee replied, spooning Ben & Jerry’s into his mouth.
“My Mom and his Mom get along,” he shrugged, grinning at my confused expression.
“So you’re coming on Friday? Everyone else is,” he said, as I dug for a piece of brownie.
“Yeah, why not,” I said, smiling.
“Sweet,” he said, stealing my brownie piece.
“Bitch…” I mumbled, as the front door opened.
“You bitches, you’re eating the ice cream without me?!” Nyona cried, sitting next to me and grabbing a spoon.
“Where’s Sophii?” Gee asked, getting up and walking to the sink.
“Working, but she’ll be here afterwards,” she explained, “how’s the kids, Sazzy?”
“Alright, really, the same as always… although, they don’t fucking like it when I eat cheese,” I grumbled, reminiscing about the cheese sandwich I threw up this morning.
“Sexy. Geetard, get me some water, too,” she said, as he filled up a glass.
“When’s Frank getting in?” Nyona asked, scraping up some ice cream from the lid.
“Uh, he should be here… around five-ish. He’s not going to Pompton Lakes today, they’re gonna practise here,” I said, and Gerard got all excited, and sat down opposite me again.
“Fuck yeah, I’m gonna watch ‘em. Ray might bring his guitar later, maybe we could jam…” Gerard explained, nodding to himself.

By six, everyone was over, as per usual. I couldn’t be bothered to cook for all of us, so Ray ordered pizza.
I loved it like this. All of us hanging out, without a care in the world, and just getting by. It made me feel like I had a family again, made me feel like… I didn’t need anyone else. We all had this invincibility about us – like whatever happened, it didn’t matter, because we’d always have each other.
We didn’t need anyone else… but that didn’t mean we couldn’t want.